Tesla FSD12 to Mimic Human Drivers: Why We’re Doomed

Tesla’s latest Full Self-Driving (FSD) update, FSD12, promises to mirror human driving behaviors so closely, we might as well throw road rules out the window. Scheduled for release in a mere two weeks, this update shifts from traditional code-heavy development to an approach more reminiscent of a teenager learning to drive by watching YouTube.

The Learning Curve: A Steep Drop into Chaos

FSD12’s groundbreaking learning algorithm is set to absorb millions of videos from Tesla drivers worldwide. While this might sound innovative, it’s essentially preparing to learn all the bad habits that make human drivers a menace on the roads. Blinker usage? A thing of the past. Staying in one’s lane? Optional, especially if there’s an urgent text or a fascinating billboard. Speed limits? More like speed suggestions.

Live Demo: A Wild Ride with Musk

Elon Musk, in his typical showman fashion, debuted the FSD12 update in a livestream that turned into a heart-stopping rollercoaster. Viewers watched with a mix of horror and amusement as Musk narrowly prevented the Tesla from running a red light and making an impromptu pit stop at Chipotle – because who doesn’t crave a burrito while testing groundbreaking AI?

The Future of Driving: A Nightmare?

As we brace for the arrival of FSD12, one can’t help but wonder if Tesla’s vision of the future includes a world where cars honk obscenities, casually speed, and treat driving guidelines as mere suggestions. In this new era, the term “autopilot” might just become synonymous with “your guess is as good as mine.”

it’s clear that Tesla is not just revolutionizing transportation; it’s also inadvertently championing a return to the wild, wild west of driving. Seatbelts fastened, everyone – it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

X bathroom renovations “nearly complete” a year after Elon bought sink

Sources inside X have exclusively revealed that the much-anticipated bathroom renovations are “nearly complete” – a staggering year after tech Elon Musk commemorated his takeover with the purchase of a singular, rather nondescript sink.

The billionaire, known for his ventures into space tourism and electric vehicles, not to mention his knack for stirring the social media pot, marked his territory at X last year by hauling in a sink to the headquarters. He then took to the platform, tweeting, “Let that sink in.” The pun, enjoyed by millions worldwide, set the stage for what would become a 12-month comedy of errors.

Insiders report that after Musk slashed the staff by nearly 80%, the budget for renovations was so tight that expenditures were limited to one piece of bathroom furniture every financial quarter. “We had an entire three-month period dedicated to the procurement and installation of a toilet roll holder,” disclosed one exasperated employee, who wishes to remain anonymous due to fears of being allocated to faucet duty.

Drawing inspiration from another fellow billionaire who famously suggested that warehouse workers use bottles to avoid bathroom breaks, the remaining X staff have adopted a similar “can-do” attitude. “If Jeff’s employees can get away without bathroom breaks, so can we,” asserted one overly enthusiastic source. “Besides, we’re hyper-focused on more critical issues, like purging the platform of bots and orchestrating a fire sale of unused office equipment.”

The bathroom saga, now a running joke among the tech community, highlights the absurdities often accompanying Silicon Valley’s disruptor mindset. “We’re not just renovating a bathroom; we’re revolutionizing the way people think about bio-breaks in the digital age,” commented a staffer, currently on a waiting list to use the single operational stall.

As the X community braces for the grand unveiling of the now-mythical bathroom, the world can’t help but wonder what’s next in store. Will there be a live stream ribbon-cutting ceremony, or perhaps an NFT of the first flush? In the realm of Elon Musk, one can never predict; all we suggest is to keep your notifications on and your expectations flexible.

Elon Reveals Inspiration Behind Cybertruck Design

In a revelation that has left both the tech and gaming communities utterly bamboozled, Elon disclosed the muse behind the Cybertruck’s notoriously unconventional design. Just weeks before the much-anticipated delivery event, Elon confessed that the inspiration was none other than the angular bosom of Lara Croft from the original 1996 Tomb Raider game.

“It’s all about nostalgia and aerodynamics,” he stated during a press conference. “Anyone who’s ever navigated Lara through the pixelated tombs of yesteryears knows the…um, iconic geometry she was rocking. I was replaying the classic, eating a sandwich, when it hit me – those angles could literally cut through air.”

Determined to validate their sudden hypothesis, the team embarked on what can only be described as one of the most bizarre R&D projects in automotive history. They 3D printed a life-sized model of 90s video game icon Lara Croft, not for any weird reasons, but for science, specifically wind tunnel testing.

“To be honest, I half-expected security to escort me out of my own building,” said one engineer, still seemingly recovering from the experience. “But when Lara – I mean, the model – was placed in the tunnel, you could hear a pin drop. Then the data came in, and it was a eureka moment.”

The results were astonishing, to say the least. The angular, polygonal design principles from the blocky rendition of Ms. Croft proved to be unexpectedly aerodynamic, outperforming several traditional vehicle models. It wasn’t long before these principles were incorporated into what the world now recognizes as the Cybertruck, an electric vehicle seemingly designed by a kindergartener who refuses to be constrained by the societal norms of “curves” and “non-lethal edges.”

As the news broke, social media went into a frenzy. “I always knew my hours dedicated to Tomb Raider were contributing to a greater societal good,” tweeted one fan. In contrast, others expressed concern, questioning what other design inspirations they might unveil in the future.

The automotive industry has seen its fair share of eccentric innovations, but none quite match the journey from a pixelated video game character to a futuristic electric vehicle. As we anticipate the Cybertruck’s official roll-out, one can’t help but wonder if the vehicle’s rugged terrain capabilities can match the tomb raiding, dinosaur-dodging, and puzzle-solving skills of the legendary Lara Croft herself.