Month: March 2025

In a story that looks like a parody news writer wrote it, the United States is braced to accept 420 (blaze it) million eggs from a single very, very prolific turkey. Get that boy a presidential pardon!

Whilst turkey eggs have a slightly different taste and texture to chicken eggs, farmers are assured that… Oh, wait, no, it’s not a turkey it’s Turkey, the country. Ahhh, OK, that makes more sense.

America is currently experiencing an egg shortage caused partially by avian flu but mostly by local man ‘Gaston’ who reportedly eats 60 eggs every morning. A baker’s dozen of eggs are now an average of $4.95 but to be fair, that’s Kamala Harris’ fault.

Thankfully Turkey (again, not a single bird) has stepped in to plug the egg-shaped hole with, get this: an egg. Turkey’s ‘Egg Producers Central Union’ (the only egg union worth listening to, if you ask me) claims that the 420 million exported eggs will be the most ever eggs exported ever.

Eggs.

Turkey is the fifth-largest eggs-porter in the world and the only country that eggsports to America. No idea why though. But now Turkey’s going to do that but more.

Some eggsperts warn that this won’t be enough, however. Local egg-thusiast Benjamin Yuup commented, “THAT’S NOT ENOUGH EGGS!” But what does he know? Nothing.

Unlike the Occupation of Constantinople (1918-1923) this is not a problem that can be solved by the introduction of Turkey and various other solutions will be required to tackle the bird-demic. Maybe America will start vaccinating its chickens like the rest of the world? Mmm, nah. You think I’m going to let Bill Gates put microchips in my nuggies? Get real. GET REAL.

BONUS EGG FACT: The egg predates the chicken by 500,000,000 years!