Elon Buys $1 Billion Dollars In Tesla Just To Stay World’s Richest Man

Currently now world’s richest man again, Elon Musk has disclosed a purchase of 2.57 million shares in Tesla INCorporated ($TLC) worth roughly $1billion dollars in money. The move seems entirely motivated by Musk’s desire to remain the king of the world, sorry, ‘world’s richest person’ after Larry Ellison wrestled the top spot off him for all of four seconds.

How can spending money make you richer, I hear you ask? Well, I don’t know. It certainly doesn’t work for me, let me tell you that. Surfice it to say that when you reach a certain amount of wealthy, all previous financial rules are reversed. Everything is free. Having no cash is a good thing. Taking out massive loans is a good thing. Etc. Etc…

This is Elon’s first Tesla stock purchase since 2020, his largest ever single stock purchase (I guess twitter doesn’t count) and the largest purchase made by a Bond villain since Blofeld bought a moon base.

Musk’s purchase is seen as a vote of confidence in his own company and shares jumped 6% following the news. Oh, I wonder who’ll profit from that? What are we even doing here, Jesus…

The news is good for tesla investors who have been hit in the face repeatedly with various set backs this year. From China dominating EVs to Elon running for president, Tesla enjoyers just can’t catch a break.

Although Elon Musk hasn’t been seen out the house in two years, he was last spotted on a video call at a riot in Britain for some reason. (WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS MAN)

For an explanation of this man, please read below this Wikipedia article I definitely didn’t just copy and paste from Wikipedia:

Elon Musk (muh-sk) is an African human individual with an interest in Mars. He is/was the inventor of the electric car, the electric tower and the dribble glass (citation needed). He was the first ever man to become the world’s richest man. Recently, his political interests include politics, high-fiving angels and British Prime Minister Keir Starmer.