Tesla Approved Elon’s $1trl Pay Package, Here’s What It’ll Take For Him to Win It

Tesla shareholders have just approved Elon’s famous $1trl pay package, securing Musk’s continued commitment to the company he probably should have already been committed to without a bribe.

But the thing is despite the big headlines, Elon is not now suddenly the world’s first trillionaire, no, he’s going to have to work for it.

Elon Gate

You see, Elon has to ensure Tesla hits some pretty big targets if he’s going to be in with a chance of winning the shares that could be worth up to one trillion dollars. And some of those targets are pretty hard to hit if I say so myself.

For one, Tesla has to reach a market cap of $8.5 trillion, which, come on guys, that’s a little ambitious. Nvidia, which is way more important than you, only just reached 5 trill. Apple, freaking Apple, is still only worth half of what you’re projecting.

So yeah, I think this is all pretty academic, especially when recently Tesla’s sales have slumped, profits have crashed and they face ongoing challenges from China, China, and China.

But it’s fine because Elon has a plan: pivot to making robots, robotaxis and fast food joints. Yeah, that’ll work…

So it’s unlikely Elon will get his trilly, but hey, ‘Elon could earn a trillion dollars’ makes for a pretty catchy headline, I mean, you clicked on it, didn’t you?

Previously On Elon’s Quest To Be Even Richer…

Previously on this story, Elon Musk, the world’s most rich man by volume, gate-crashed his own earnings call to beg shareholders to vote in favor of this controversial $1 trillion pay package. Come on, a guy’s got to eat.

Musk interrupted his CFO at the end of the 75-minute call to say, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not, not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Wait, why… why would ‘going insane’ even be on the cards, Elon? I never thought you’d go insane. Why did you bring that up? I’m definitely worried that’s now an option, ELON.

Weirdly, that’s almost exactly what he said back in August when he weaselled himself a $30 billion pay bump, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.” We get it, you could go cray-cray, please stop saying it.

But other than that, I feel this is a weirdly measured response which basically boils down to ‘I need more power, please.’ and I guess he now has it…

Elon carried on, “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis who have no freaking clue.” Jesus, no one’s asking you to build a robot army. I think you might have already gone insane, sir.

Look, a big fat trilly sounds insane for the man who’s already worth more than the entire GDP of his home South Africa, BUT, as a spokesperson put it, “The proposed pay package is actually worth zero to our CEO unless and until the shareholders see the value of the company nearly double and an operational milestone is met.”

I’m sure you’re job is the same, I just know that you wouldn’t get out of bed if you weren’t dangled a massive bonus of double your current earnings. What, you work to the best of your ability and still only get paid your normal rate? Well, shit, sorry mate, maybe you should have thought about that before you became poor.

So in conclusion, yes, they’ve finally granted him his hypothetical one trillion in shares BUT Elon will have an uphill battle for the monies, considering Tesla’s been in a rut lately. Yes, they had a record quarterly revenue from buyers trying to cash in their expiring tax credits, BUT profits dropped 37%. The company continues to face threats from all sides: the US government, Chinese competition, and this random bill for one trillion dollars that no one can seem to explain…