Life Found On Mars: Are Space Stocks The Next Trend?

Wait, really? Oh, ok then, hold on, I need to reassess my whole worldview…

Yeah, that’s right, while you guys were freaking out about stupid things like MONEY and STOCKS and BEING ABLE TO AFFORD YOUR NEXT MEAL Nasa have gone up there and only gone and found freaking LIFE ON MARS YOU BITCHES.

Ok, fine, they found some rocks that COULD show TRACES of MICROBIAL life that USED to be there but are now DEAD. So, we’re not going to be shaking hands with Marvin the Martian any time soon, but STILL! …It is pretty cool.

The rocks they found were at the bottom of an ancient riverbed and have distinctive leopard-spot markings that could be the product of minerals created by ancient Martian microbes. Those minerals could have been made by non-organic geological processes but shut up, that would be boring.

Wall Street Reacts

Wall Street didn’t react, they don’t care. But Redditors and amateur investors alike foresee a new gold rush.

“Forget to da moon, I’m going to da mars,” said one bullish rando. “Space stocks are gonna be huge and I’m getting in on the ground floor.”

Another armchair financial advisor was less optimistic, however, saying, “These space freaks don’t even pay taxes, what’s up with that? They should pay their fair share and stop freeloading off us hardworking Americans.”

Elpn Mush chimed in too saying that this was just one more reason to send missions to Mars and that he’s still the only guy to do it. SpaceX stocks are up one qua-billion dollars as of time of writing.

A potential manned mission to Mars however might be less likely given that human incursion could tamper with the signs of life that are already there. But I’m just guessing there, I literally don’t know.

MarsCoin and ELONDOGEMARS crypto-meme-shit-coins also hit it big after the announcement so congrats on the four idiots that held on to those then. Freaks.

For more space news, read this: Elon Musk Finally Buys Mars