“I’m Not Elon, I Just Think He’s Really Cool” Adrian Dittmann Reveals All In Exclusive Interview

This weekend Wall Street Memes secured an exclusive interview with Elon Musk, however mere minutes before we began, Musk cancelled. Luckily the mysterious internet personality Adrian Dittmann messaged to say he’d happily take Elon’s place.

WSM: Good morning Mr. Mu- I mean, Dittmann.

AD: Elo- I mean, Adrian, is fine.

WSM: Alright, Elo- I mean, Adrian. Well, I had all these questions prepared for Elon Musk but I guess I’ll just think of new ones…

AD: The original questions will be fine.

WSM: Are you sure? They won’t make any sense to you.

AD: I have a sneaking suspicion that they will…

WSM: Err… OK, then… So, um, Adrian, what’s it like being the richest man in the world?

AD: Well, I wouldn’t know, because I’m not. But if I was I’d say it was pretty cool.

WSM: Haha, classic Adrian. Ok, now you’re also the CEO of SpaceX, so I’ve got a science question for you: da Laval rocket nozzles accelerate gas flow to supersonic speeds but wouldn’t an additional throat for a secondary compression create exponential speed?

AD: Oh, well, I’m just a random guy on the internet with no knowledge of rocket science but if I had to comment I would say that an additional compression would reduce exhaust velocity back to sonic rather than supersonic. So, no, there would be no additional thrust gained.

WSM: I get you now, thank you. Alright, now this question’s actually for Adrian. A lot of people have been saying you sound and talk just like Musk, you’re only online when he’s not and you share all the same interests. I was wondering if you could provide us now with irrefutable evidence that you’re not Musk.

AD: Well, you’ve never seen us in the same room together.

WSM: That’s a really good point.

AD: Alright, you got me!

WSM: No, no that’s OK, we can move on.

AD: YOU GOT ME!!! My red hands are tied! There’s egg on my face! The mask is off. Because… The truth is… And I can’t keep this secret any longer… The truth is… And this has been weighing me down for months now… The truth is… I am Iron Man.

WSM: Huh?

AD: I’m ELON! It’s me! Wait, let me turn off the voice filter… There! It’s me!

WSM: You sound the same.

AD: No, I don’t, I sound like Elon Musk.

WSM: You sound more like Adrian Dittmann to me.

AD: Yes, but we sound the same because we’re the same person.

WSM: Hmm, I don’t know, I just had a long chat with my close friend Adrian, I’m pretty sure I know what he sounds like.

AD: No, I’m ELON! I’m Elon Musk! Look I’ll turn on video.

WSM: Woah! Adrain! You look just like Elon Musk! Have you thought of becoming a celebrity impersonator?

AD: AHHHHHH!!!!

At that point, Adrian abruptly ended the call and we found ourselves banned from Twitter and on a no-fly list.

Maybe, deep down, we are all Adrian Dittmann.