Saylor’s Erection Now Visible From Space as BTC Gains Swell

Michael Saylor, the former CEO of MicroStrategy, has achieved a financial feat so grand it’s literally visible from space. 

Sources from various space agencies report an unusual structure extending from Earth’s surface, identified as Saylor’s erection, now breaching the stratosphere. The boner is believed to be an abnormal green colour, brought on by BTC’s recent surge above $43,000.

“We thought it was a new satellite at first,” commented a NASA astrophysicist, squinting at her monitor. “We see green dildos quite often on our screens – a lot of our tech guys are crypto degens – but this one was clearly human.”

The erection’s growth trajectory, triggered by Bitcoin nearing the $42,000 mark, has left both astronomers and economists in awe. The former for its unexpected appearance in their telescopes, and the latter for its sheer size, rivaling some of the biggest financial hard-ons in history.

MicroStrategy acquired their most recent bag of BTC at the end of November, spending $593.3 million for 16,130 BTC more at an average price of $36,785 each. The company has spent a total of just under $5.3 billion to build an astronomical portfolio of 174,530 BTC over three years. 

At $42,000, that’s an unrealized gain of over $2 billion… and rising. Not surprising that Saylor, who was often ridiculed during the bear market, is rising too.

In response to whether he plans to cash in on these unrealized gains, Saylor just winked and pointed upwards.

Meanwhile, employees at MicroStrategy have taken up astronomy as a hobby, not out of interest for celestial bodies, but to keep track of their boss’s skyrocketing ‘portfolio’. “We’ve replaced coffee breaks with telescope breaks,” an anonymous employee blushed.