X bathroom renovations “nearly complete” a year after Elon bought sink

Sources inside X have exclusively revealed that the much-anticipated bathroom renovations are “nearly complete” – a staggering year after tech Elon Musk commemorated his takeover with the purchase of a singular, rather nondescript sink.

The billionaire, known for his ventures into space tourism and electric vehicles, not to mention his knack for stirring the social media pot, marked his territory at X last year by hauling in a sink to the headquarters. He then took to the platform, tweeting, “Let that sink in.” The pun, enjoyed by millions worldwide, set the stage for what would become a 12-month comedy of errors.

Entering Twitter HQ – let that sink in! pic.twitter.com/D68z4K2wq7
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) October 26, 2022

Insiders report that after Musk slashed the staff by nearly 80%, the budget for renovations was so tight that expenditures were limited to one piece of bathroom furniture every financial quarter. “We had an entire three-month period dedicated to the procurement and installation of a toilet roll holder,” disclosed one exasperated employee, who wishes to remain anonymous due to fears of being allocated to faucet duty.

Drawing inspiration from another fellow billionaire who famously suggested that warehouse workers use bottles to avoid bathroom breaks, the remaining X staff have adopted a similar “can-do” attitude. “If Jeff’s employees can get away without bathroom breaks, so can we,” asserted one overly enthusiastic source. “Besides, we’re hyper-focused on more critical issues, like purging the platform of bots and orchestrating a fire sale of unused office equipment.”

The bathroom saga, now a running joke among the tech community, highlights the absurdities often accompanying Silicon Valley’s disruptor mindset. “We’re not just renovating a bathroom; we’re revolutionizing the way people think about bio-breaks in the digital age,” commented a staffer, currently on a waiting list to use the single operational stall.

As the X community braces for the grand unveiling of the now-mythical bathroom, the world can’t help but wonder what’s next in store. Will there be a live stream ribbon-cutting ceremony, or perhaps an NFT of the first flush? In the realm of Elon Musk, one can never predict; all we suggest is to keep your notifications on and your expectations flexible.