95% Of Black Friday Purchases Were Financed, Here Are 5 Other Seasonal Recession Indicators
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Hey, look, so here’s the thing, and I can only apologize, but the story I had for this clickbait headline was from this article that says 11% of Black Friday purchases were made with things like Klarna and 95% came from credit card transactions. So, that’s not really news, is it? “BREAKING NEWS: Credit Cards Used At Christmas”…
But the thing is I kind of locked in on this headline before I actually checked the source soooo….
Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting high-quality journalism from Wall Street Memes Dot Com?? Give me a break.
I guess I can still run with the latter part of my headline though…
OK, I just googled actual recession indicators and got bored immediately so here are some joke one’s instead:
TOP FIVE SEASONAL RECESSION INDICATORS!
5. Santa’s Fired His Elves
They weren’t able to unionize in time and have been replaced by AI.
4. Jerome Powell Has Been Added To The Naughty List
Who snitched? Don? Was it you?
3. IRS Will No Longer Accept Tax Returns ‘Via Chimney’
That could be a headline… Hey, if you see me use this in a couple of weeks, you know I ran out of ideas.
2. Colombian Drug Lords Are Shifting To ‘Fake Snow’ For Nativity Scenes Instead Of Cocaine
Too specific? Idk, I’ll brainstorm some other options…
1. Your Grandma Sends You Five Dollars Less This Year
Ok, but that one’s actually real though…
Alright, I hope you enjoy all that more than I did. I’m off to recess my indicators. Have fun.
For more Christmas miracles, read this: Christmas Voted Most Popular Vacation For Second Year Running
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