Tesla Stock in Europe Crashes Harder Than Your Uncle’s Crypto Portfolio

Tesla’s stock in Europe just dropped faster than a Cybertruck’s panel in a wind tunnel, plunging a shocking 49% in sales across the continent. Yes, that’s right, while European EV sales were busy vibing up 28%, Tesla was doing the financial equivalent of rage-quitting.

Europe: “Elon Saulted What Now?”

The tumble comes amid growing fallout from Elon Musk’s personality, which has officially entered the “brand liability” phase of its hero arc. Sources confirm that Musk’s latest political hot takes are so radioactive they’re being stored next to French nuclear waste.

Europeans, it turns out, weren’t thrilled when Musk flirted with Germany’s far-right, and now they’re giving his cars the kind of cold shoulder normally reserved for British tourists in Barcelona.

In Berlin, locals are allegedly keying Teslas not out of anger, but out of artistic expression. One was seen engraved with the phrase: “Ich bin kein Fan von X.”

Model Y Becomes Model “Why?”

Meanwhile, Tesla’s Model Y is reportedly still Tesla’s top-selling model in Europe, which is kind of like being the best player on a losing fantasy football team. The new “refresh” version of the car hit the market like a soggy bratwurst: technically there, but nobody’s excited.

Competitors like BYD are cruising by in cheap EVs like the “Dolphin Surf” (which sounds like a Nintendo character but costs less than Elon’s daily caffeine intake). The Dolphin’s starting price of €19,999 means you can now buy two Chinese EVs for the price of a Model 3 and still have change for a baguette.

Tesla’s European Stock Chart Resembles a Ski Slope

Wall Street analysts tried to put a brave face on things, but one was seen whispering, “We were promised Mars” while sadly scrolling through a BYD brochure. Tesla’s share of the European car market is now 0.7%, which ironically is lower than Dogecoin’s chance of replacing the Euro.

Scott Galloway even called the Musk era one of the “greatest brand destructions in history,” which is professor-speak for “bro, what are you doing?”

Europe is sending Elon a message loud and clear and it’s not written in Morse code. It’s written in plummeting sales figures.

Stay tuned. Stay memed.