Gensler Physically Trapped in Office by Pile of Bitcoin ETF Applications

SEC Chairman Gary Gensler found himself confined to his office today, not by the usual bureaucratic red tape, but by a literal wall of Bitcoin ETF applications. 

Sources say the stack, comprising hundreds of applications, has reached such heights that it’s now blocking his office door.

As of the latest ETF-fueled crypto price pump on Thursday, the number of Bitcoin ETF applications awaiting SEC approval had reached a staggering count, rivaling the number of crypto memes on the internet. 

This pileup took a comical turn this morning when Gensler discovered he was literally barricaded in his office by a mountain of paperwork.

Among the applications are some creatively named funds such as the ‘Moonshot Bitcoin Bonanza ETF’, ‘Crypto Rollercoaster Ultra Fund’, and the ‘Blockchain Extravaganza Mega ETF’. An anonymous source added: “There’s even one called the ‘When Lambo Bitcoin Fund’, and we can’t tell if it’s serious or someone’s idea of a joke.”

The SEC, known for its stringent review process, has been under increasing pressure to approve a Bitcoin ETF, a financial product that would track the price of Bitcoin and theoretically make investing in the cryptocurrency more accessible to the general public. However, the approval process appears to be moving at the speed of a sloth riding a turtle.

In a phone interview, a slightly flustered aid remarked: “I thought I’d seen it all, but this is something else. Gary is considering an escape through the window, but he’s on the fifth floor. Maybe we’ll start approving these applications to make a path to freedom.”

As the clock ticks on, Gensler remains holed up in his office, reportedly surviving on a stash of emergency granola bars and water. Meanwhile, Bitcoin enthusiasts and investors are holding their breath, wondering if this bizarre incident will expedite the ETF approval process. 

For now, the SEC chair’s predicament serves as a tangible (and slightly humorous) representation of the overwhelming interest and enthusiasm – and possible euphoria – in the current market, which is desperate for the next bull run to start.