Bitcoin Hits $123,000 ATH: Five Things You Can Buy With One $BTC

In news that will be immediately out of date by the time this goes out: Bitcoin just hit an ALL TIME HIGH of $123,000, surpassing its previous ATH of $122,999.99 (one would assume).

To celebrate the news, we’ve broken down what you can actually acquire with your one single, magnificent Bitcoin. Read on for a list curated especially for the truly discerning HODLer.

1. A Slightly Used 2018 Honda Civic

Wait, hear us out. This isn’t just a car; it’s a statement. It’s the ultimate stealth wealth play. While plebs are leveraging themselves to the hilt for a depreciating German liability, you, a 300 IQ Bitcoin philosopher, understand the game. This beige-colored masterpiece of reliability says, “I am so wealthy that I have no need to prove it to you.”

For the low, low price of one Bitcoin, you can acquire this four-wheeled fortress of solitude. It has an operational AUX port, only a few mysterious stains on the passenger seat, and that faint, reassuring smell of vape juice and forgotten fries. It’s the perfect vehicle for attracting absolutely no attention from the IRS, ex-spouses, or would-be kidnappers. This isn’t just transportation; it’s tactical camouflage.

2. A Senator’s Undivided Attention for 24 Hours

Tired of seeing headlines about “problematic” crypto regulations? For one BTC, you can now directly influence the narrative. We’re not talking about a measly campaign donation. We’re talking about a full day of unfiltered access.

Fly them out to your penthouse. Make them sit through your 14-hour PowerPoint presentation on the importance of the Bitcoin Lightning Network. Force them to nod enthusiastically as you explain why Gary Gensler just doesn’t “get it.” You can even make them wear a t-shirt that says “Fiat is the Real Ponzi” during your lunch meeting. At the end of the day, they might not pass any new laws, but they will be so mentally exhausted that they’ll never dare to utter the phrase “unhosted wallet” again. This is lobbying 2.0.

3. The Naming Rights to Your High School Nemesis’s Firstborn Child

Remember Kyle? The quarterback who said your Bitcoin obsession was “nerd stuff” back in 2015? Well, Kyle now manages a regional tile store and just announced on Facebook that he and his wife are expecting.

This is your moment. For the price of one Bitcoin, you can make Kyle an offer he can’t refuse. He gets to pay off his mortgage; you get to name his firstborn son “Satoshi HODL Lastname.” Imagine the sheer, unadulterated power you will feel at every future birthday party and graduation ceremony. This isn’t just revenge; it’s a non-fungible, biologically-backed legacy. It’s the ultimate alpha move.

4. A Lifetime Supply of Artisanal Avocado Toast

Millennials were told they couldn’t afford a house because they spent too much on avocado toast. This was a lie designed to keep you poor. Now, you can lean into the meme with God-tier force.

For one Bitcoin, you can contract a high-end cafe to provide you with one artisanal avocado toast every single day… for the rest of your life. We’re talking hand-smashed Hass avocados, thick-cut sourdough from a Trappist monastery, ethically sourced Himalayan pink salt, and a drizzle of balsamic glaze that’s older than most altcoins. It will be delivered to your door via drone, ensuring maximum freshness and flexing on your neighbors. You didn’t just buy breakfast; you bought victory over a tired economic trope.

5. One (1) Physical Bitcoin

That’s right. For the price of one digital Bitcoin, you can now purchase one physical Bitcoin. This museum-quality, gold-plated commemorative coin has a “B” on it and looks absolutely stunning on a mantlepiece. It has a satisfying heft, it’s shiny, and it will confuse any relatives who come to visit.

Does it contain the private keys to an actual Bitcoin? Maybe! Does it matter? No! You’re buying the idea of a Bitcoin, manifested in the physical realm. It’s the ultimate post-modern flex—spending an intangible asset to acquire a tangible object that represents the intangible asset you just spent. Your brain just folded in on itself, didn’t it? You’re welcome.

So go forth, you magnificent Bitcoin maxis. Spend your wealth on things that truly matter. We’re all gonna make it.

For more on this story, click here: Bitcoin To Change Ticker To ATH After Massive Gains

(Disclaimer: This is not financial advice. Buying the naming rights to a human child is probably illegal and definitely weird. Consult a lawyer before attempting to name anyone “Satoshi.”)