Bitcoin Just Plummeted But McDonald’s Stock Is Up, Could There Be A Connection?
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Bitcoin just had its biggest drop since Trump’s inauguration, falling $80,000 as $2 billion positions have been liquidated. Everyone’s terrified of another crypto crash, but you know who isn’t, you know who’s grinning right now?
Ronald Fucking McDonald.
That’s right, the fast food chain McDonald’s just received a massive stock bump following the news. What’s that, causation not correlation? Shut up.
The reason is that now that bitcoin is worthless again, all the crypto bros will simply have to go back to their jobs serving freedom fries and ham burgers. Sorry guys, I don’t make the rules.
Bitcoin’s been hit with the same thing that’s bringing the whole stock market down (and gold and silver along with it) and that’s a small tech slide after Microsoft reported lacklustre results.
But, somehow immune to this crisis, McDonald’s is laughing all the way to the bank.
Another reason why McDonald’s stock might be up is that the restaurant just launched ‘McNugget caviar’ for valentines day. What? What are you even talking about? What even is that? Ok, yeah, sure that’ll get shareholders excited.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! McDonald’s just launched a FRIENDS (the tv show) inspired line of happy meal toys and menu items. And literally the only reason I wanted to tell you this is so I can point you towards the company’s absolutely terrible press release that was clearly written by AI.
“Collectibles That’ll Make You Say, “Oh My Gawd!” 😱”
Like, come on, at least cover your tracks and delete the emojis. No? Ok.
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