Politics

Biden Not Really Sure What To Do With Himself Now

News Anchors Unsure What To Talk About Now Election Is Over

State Funeral Scheduled For Peanut The Squirrel

Trump Demands Recount, Wants More Votes

Nation Braces Itself For Exciting Night Of Paper Counting

Apocalypse Imminent After [INSERT NEW PRESIDENT HERE] Wins Election

Local Man Looking Forward To Election Finishing So He “Can Go Back To Thinking About Birds”

Disillusioned Voters Decide To Vote For Both Candidates

Putin Buys Earth After Google Lawsuit Payout

Trump’s Final Message To Voters: Dress For The Job You Want, Not The Job You Have