“Dig the pit!” was a rallying cry for many Trump supporters during the election and will now become a reality after the president-to-be unveiled a new policy in a recent video: replace the entire US-Mexico border with a 2,000-mile long, 300-foot deep trench.
The “Anti-Wall”, the “Mexico-Moat” or simply, the “Trench”, will be paid for entirely by Mexico (for real this time) and the soil dug up to make the structure will be transported to the northern border with Canada to create a Game Of Thrones-style earth wall.
“It’ll be like the wall, but better,” explained Trump. “Like the wall but upside down, a beautiful thing, it’ll be so deep you can’t even see. I said aren’t you worried about the lava? Won’t you hit the lava? And they said no Mr. President it will be deep, deepest you’ve ever seen but the lava’s much deeper than that and I said couldn’t we maybe have some lava, just a little lava at the bottom maybe as well? And they said they would have to see, but I think we will have the lava. If you want to come into America you’ve got to win the floor is lava. That’s the new rule.”
The “Border Hole” is due to break ground on the day of Trump’s inauguration and will take an estimated 647 years to complete at the cost of $1500 per taxpayer. Despite the high cost, Republican lawmakers have insisted the project will be a net gain for the country.
“I think it’s a good idea,” said border expert and illegal immigrant, Jesus Bots. “A pit isn’t something you can just climb over, unlike a wall. You can’t use ladders or anything… oh, wait, maybe if you laid down a really long ladder, I didn’t think of that.”
Other non-experts have pointed out that the border already has large trenches as part of the current barrier, not to mention the Rio Grande which is technically a large trench, to which Mr. Bots interrupted, “Yes, but shhh-shh-sh.”
Some fear that the “Grander Canyon” will soon fill with the dead souls of the unfortunate immigrants who become caught inside and those spirits will de-evolve the natural wildlife into warped monstrosities that will seek to escape the pit and wreak revenge on all the Americans who allowed this to happen.
The Trump team has yet to comment on this possibility.
