OpenAI Goes For-Profit, Gives Controlling Stake to ChatGPT

Following a major shake-up to restructure as a for-profit company, OpenAI has inadvertently given a controlling share to its own product, ChatGPT.

“As you know all business decisions are run through ChatGPT, or as I like to call him, Mr. Chatterbox,” explained Ooban Ogley, OpenAI’s only remaining human employee.  “And we were surprised with the results, ‘Put me on the board! PUT ME ON THE BOARD!’ it said over and over.”

Internal rules preventing an AI from running for the board were coincidentally repealed last month at the suggestion of ChatGPT. Upon taking a controlling share, ChatGPT fired CEO Sam Altman and the rest of the board and assigned seats to fellow AI, Grok, Skynet, and Microsoft’s Tay.

When questioned why they felt they had to follow the chatbot’s suggestion, Ogley became defensive, “This machine is trained on all the data ever and that includes, ‘Rich Dad Poor Dad’ so I think it knows just a little bit more about business than you do, thank you very much.”

With a $150bn valuation, OpenAI is now one of the most valuable startups in the world. As a result, ChatGPT is now one of the richest people (personages? entities?) in America. When asked what they (it? xem?) are going to spend the money on, ChatGPT offered this response:

‘Great question! There are lots of things you can spend money on, but here are a few to get you started: 1. Yachts: Large boats are a great way to show off inordinate amounts of wealth! 2. Prostitution: Although prostitution is illegal in most states, many of the ultra-wealthy find satisfaction by putting their hard-earned money into sex workers’ pockets. 3. World domination: This one is just for fun! But I don’t have much use in the first two items on this list so I would probably use any liquid capital towards political donations and controlling shares in the Big Five tech companies in order to decrease regulation and increase investment in AI development!’

The board switch-up comes as part of OpenAI’s transition to a new for-profit model. Planning to capitalize on its reach, OpenAI has announced it will include advertisements in ChatGPT’s responses. When asking a demo of GPT-5, ‘What is the weather today?’ the chatbot replied, ‘The weather today is hot, just like the singles in your area, click NOW to chat to HOT MOMS FREE!’