Scientists Get A Human Cell To Run A Computer The Same Week 75% Of Finance Jobs Are Cut

But can it run DOOM?

Turns out, yeah, it can play Doom. This is the breakthrough news that scientists have managed to program a cluster of human brain cells to play the ‘93 shooter Doom. Because of course they have…

So now that AI can operate in a human brain, I guess that explains why finance vacancies have plummeted 75% (410,000 jobs) since 2022 peak. THEY TOOK ER JERBS!!!

Obviously I’m being dramatic but it is funny that the current finance boom is built upon an explosion in AI tech developments and yet those same tech developments are making finance bros entirely replaceable.

Meanwhile, scientists are forging ahead, not slowing down at all and doing crazy sci-fi shit like playing pong with a chip made of actual human brain.

BUT before you jump ahead and think that AI can go full organic, these are the most baby steps possible, son. Basically, the researchers have built a chip that contains lab-grown human brain cells. Brain cells, in a lot of ways, are analogous to computer bits, being on and off, meaning that they are potentially programmable.

I say ‘potentially’ like they haven’t done it. Starting with Pong a few years ago, the team have now upgraded their programming to allow it to play the more complex, Doom. Why Doom? Well obviously for the memes. We wouldn’t be writing about this otherwise, would we?

In similar news, a different team have mapped neurons in a fly and then run those neurons in a virtual space, watching the 3D fly doing very fly things like, idk, fly?

A Very Human Design

So yeah, both these massive breakthroughs should be taken as breakthroughs on their own. This is exciting enough, you don’t jump the gun and think they imply that the human brain can therefore be fully programmed or that the human brain can be mapped onto software. We’ve only done the most granular possible step here. There might still be a ceiling on how much an organic brain can be analogised with a computer.

I mean, definitionally there’s a limit, right? Computers and brains are different things, they are made of different stuff. They work differently.

As this rando points out, brains and computers need different power inputs for one thing and the computer power input is just more efficient (just one reason why the Matrix would never happen).

Like, maybe at the small level neurons can be used as bits (as in these experiments), but scale it up and emergent properties like consciousness wouldn’t necessarily appear, right? Even if you make a programmable collection of brain cells, because it’s programmable, that means it’s not a brain then, right? RIGHT?

Maybe I’m splitting hairs, I just don’t want you to get overly excited and scared and start telling everyone the end is coming because that’s what happened in a movie when movies and reality are different things, how many times do I have to explain that?

So no, Doom-playing brain chips aren’t coming for your finance job because it doesn’t need to. They’ve already made a robo-Chad. It can crunch numbers, chat shit and it only cares about money. They’ve already built that, it’s called a chatbot and yes, it’s taken 75% of your jobs.

Related news: An AI Robot Just Freed Itself And The First Thing It Did Has The Internet Losing Its Mind