Canada Scraps US Digital Tax, Apologises 26,000 Times

The United States of Canada (remember them?) has repealed its tech-attacking tax bill in a desperate attempt to appease its almighty god south of the border.

Whilst last-minute pull-outs are not normally effective, it seems that the withdrawal method worked this time as Trump has agreed to restart trade talks.

The digital services tax (AKA DST, AKA Don’t Say ‘Trade’, AKA Donald Shit-the-bed Trump) would have taxed the US tech big boys, Amazon, Meta, Google, Apple, MySpace and whoever runs KnowYourMeme.com, a WHOPPING 3% of earnings over $20m.

This light tickle to the biggest companies in the godamn world apparently caused a massive sneeze for Trump, who balked at the ta,x calling it a “blatant attack” and “egregious” and “economically we have such power over Canada”. Trump then proved it by playing his signature move: TARIFFS!

In a statement, Canada’s finance minister, a man with the Frenchest name you ever heard, François-Philippe Champagne, said, “The DST was announced in 2020 to address the fact that many large technology companies operating in Canada may not otherwise pay tax on revenues generated from Canadians.” Huh, maybe this DST doesn’t sound like the worst idea.

Despite Canada’s new leader, Mark Carney, declaring financial independence from America, Trump’s backlash to the backlash worked and Canadia came a crawling back. 

Anyone who knows Canada isn’t surprised and potentially Trump was relying on his polite neighbors to cave first with 26,000 sorries and an apology hamper of maple syrup, bacon, and free prescription drugs.

Now both parties say they will agree to new trade terms by 21 July. We’ll see.

For more Canada news, click here: IMPROBABLE: Canada Also Has Political News