Disney Gets A New CEO Next Month, Here’s All The Changes We Can Expect

Disney! Everyone’s favorite parasitic-organism-nourished-solely-off-childhood-nostalgia has a big shake up incoming with the appointment of its first CEO not called Bob in 21 years.

Internally, the company is very stressed about the change since the word ‘Bob’ has now become synonymous with ‘CEO’. Employees are reportedly asking one another whether new CEO Josh D’Amaro should be called as such, or be referred to as Bob D’Amaro. It’s probably easier that way. Yeah, he should just legally change his name.

So with such a massive shakeup, here’s a brief list of everything Josh/Bob might be looking at changing.

More live-action remakes!

The thing is, there’s not been enough lately. Sure, some say that the well has dried up but what we’re forgetting about is that they make SO. MUCH. MONEY. If we’ve run out of cartoons to live-action/CGI-ify why not start remaking the live-action films in live-action? And just rinse and repeat until the sun implodes.

A Disney/Netflix/WarnerBros merger

Isn’t it inevitable? Once Netflix buys the WB at last it will be big enough to consume its ultimate rival and become one with its very essence! At last, the prophecy will be fulfilled! DisflixBros will conquer the world!!!

A price hike for Disney+ subs

Idk, probably though.

A.I. Disney movies

Yeah, this one isn’t a joke though as previous Bob’s final act was to secure a deal with OpenAI’s Sora to allow them to use Disney’s IP (idea products). This doesn’t necessarily mean Disney itself will produce and distribute AI features (like, probs not, it’s just not good enough yet) but it is a clear bet that AI has some kind of a future in the entertainment ecosystem and Disney wants a cut of that pie before the knockoffs take their cut for them. Hey, I’m being ripped off, I at least want to get paid for it.

What else? Nah, actually I think that’s probably it. Yeah, I think we’re done here.