TARIFF UPDATE: Trump Announces Pause On Exemptions To Pauses

President Donald Trump has clarified his already exceedingly clear explanation on his exemption to the tariff pause. Tweeting on Truth Social, Trump explained that exemptions to the restrictions might be restricted.

This potential pause on his previous pause on exemption restriction pausing marks a U-turn on his previous U-turn, however, this back-peddling on his back-peddling means that he is now going forward. So that’s a good thing, actually.

{Pause for applause}

But, as political scholars are quick to point out, Trump might face a legal roadblock as his new “no paws” stance defies the constitutional “right to bear-arms”.

Trump countered to this counter, citing “probable pause”.

According to the internet, Trump wrote, “NOBODY is getting “off the hook” for the unfair Trade Balances…” Now game recognize game here as you will note the excellent pun there. You see, Trump is referring to the exemption he made to tariffs on smartphones. Now, old timey phone receivers used to be literally hung on hooks (which is where the phrase ‘hang up’ comes from). Whether you love him or hate him, Trump sure knows his phone history.

Anyway, “…especially not China which, by far, treats us the worst! There was no Tariff “execption” announced on Friday. These products are subject to the existing 20% Fentanyl Tariffs, and they are just moving to a different Tariff “bucket”. The Fake News knows this, but refuses to report it.”

Now, this is an idea that I completely understand and can explain simply to you now. You see, Trump has placed a Tariff on Fentanyl being sold in buckets. Any Fentanyl that overflows by 20% is subject to a Tariff until it’s not. And if anyone tries to explain it differently, they’re talking FAKE NEWS.

Reportedly, Trump is now exploring a secret “third direction” for the markets to go in after trials of both “up” and “down” were unsuccessful last week.

Watch this space for the inevitable complete U-turn on this same topic tomorrow.

Or, for a better joke on this same story, go read The Onion.