BREAKING: Diddy Loses Game of UNO To Jailmate Sam Bankman-Fried

Disgraced rapper, P. Diddy and Sam Bankman-Fried, the founder of collapsed crypto exchange, FTX, were reportedly seen playing the children’s card game, UNO in their shared jail cell last night.

In what feels like the world’s worst crossover episode, yesterday former music mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs was moved into the same dormitory cell as crypto mogul Sam ‘Bankman’-Fried.

According to reports, Diddy immediately approached SBF aiming to complete his lifetime goal of having a connection to every celebrity on the planet.

At first, it seemed they had little to discuss but the two quickly found common ground in their experience with ‘liquidation’. SBF is known for crashing the crypto market whereas SDC is known for crashing the baby oil market.

After sharing investment advice and bonding over their shared expertise in ‘screwing people’, the de-crowned crypto king then invited Diddy for a friendly game of ‘UNO Show ‘Em No Mercy’. “I’m an ‘Uno Bro’ now,” explained SBF.

Diddy and SBF were joined in the game by fellow cellmates, Garcia Luna (Mexico’s former secretary of public security) and Juan Orlando Hernández (the former president of Honduras).

Using a deck left behind by former inmate, R. Kelly, SBF’s new BFF, PD, began strong, playing a ‘plus four’ followed by an ‘UNO reverse’. By the midgame, however, Luna and Hernández had cashed out and SBF was closing in on ‘uno’.

Diddy swung the game to red, blocked SBF, and played a six-card combo. It looked like it was all over but in the last moments, SBF slammed down a ‘plus 16’ and discarded his last card for the win.

Upon inspection of the card, however, it was clear the ‘plus 16’ was written on in Sharpie. Mr. Combs immediately accused SBF of fraud, embezzlement, and racketeering. In retaliation, SBF accused Puff Daddy of manipulation, racketeering, and sex trafficking. After a tense moment in which it looked like they might either fight or kiss, Diddy broke the tension with a laugh and congratulated SBF’s “most devious deception”.

After the game, Diddy suggested they all join forces and form a supervillain team called, ‘the Freaky Four’ and “take on Spiderman or Batman or whoever got us locked up in the first place” but the other players declined. 

In unrelated news, memecoin $DIDDYSBF is up 1.65%.