Grammys To Implement Strict Dress Code Following Hypothermia Outbreak

Following four hypothermia-related fatalities at this year’s Grammys, the Recording Academy has announced that they will be implementing a strict dress code for next year’s award ceremony.

“We are devoted to the promotion and appreciation of music in all its forms,” said the organization in a statement. “And whilst expressive fashion always has been a vital part of the music industry, we will no longer tolerate costumes that make a mockery of our art form, specifically weird foam-house-hat-things. I’m sorry, Jaden Smith, you just took it too far and have ruined it for everyone.”

Kanye West and his ironically-named wife Bianca Censori successfully made headlines after she took to the red carpet in a near-invisible dress. Whilst many thought that it was this outfit and the following deaths that sparked the Grammys’ new dress code, the academy made no mention of Censori’s outfit and is apparently only upset by Jaden Smith’s house hat.

According to the new dress code, all attendees, including performers, presenters, and guests, must adhere to the following guidelines:

All clothing must cover a majority of the body, and may not be shaped like a house in any way.
No sheer, transparent or house-like fabrics are allowed.
All outfits must be free of any offensive or controversial imagery, such as houses.
No costumes, props or hat houses are permitted.
Jaden Smith is permanently banned from the ceremony.

“I don’t know why I can’t wear my house,” said Smith in response. “It’s not my fault I’m agoraphobic.”

The Recording Academy has stated that these guidelines are necessary to maintain the dignity and prestige of the 100% prestigious and entirely dignified Grammeter Awards. They also hope that the new dress code will help to focus attention on the music and performances rather than on the attendees’ stupid attire.

However, the new dress code has been met with mixed reactions from the music industry. Some artists have praised the Recording Academy for taking a stand against inappropriate house attire, while others have criticized the move as being too restrictive and out of touch with the creative spirit of the music industry.

“What’s next they going to ban house music? Where does it end?” commented famed music producer Mr. … oh, no, wait, that was just some guy, never mind.

Oh, and also, Beyoncé won a Grammy so good for her, I guess.