Top 3 Ways to Avoid Paying Your Student Loan

Ever wondered how to escape the clutches of that ever-looming student loan debt? Fear not, we’ve scoured the earth, consulted with financial gurus, and even chatted with some successful escapees to bring you the definitive guide. Here are the top three foolproof ways to dodge those student loan payments.

1. Run

Running away from student loans. image via shutterstock.

The Basics: Lace up those sneakers, pack a light bag, and hit the road. The world is vast, and there’s no better time to explore it than when you’re evading debt collectors.

Pro Tip: Consider joining a marathon. Not only will you be constantly on the move, but you’ll also get in shape. Two birds, one stone.

Downside: You might run into another person trying to escape their student loans. Awkward.

2. Die

dying can be an extreme way to avoid your student debt. Image via unsplash.

The Basics: Okay, this one’s a bit drastic, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. On the bright side, you won’t have to worry about any bills ever again.

Pro Tip: If you’re not keen on the whole “permanent” aspect of this option, consider faking it. A mock funeral might just do the trick. Plus, you get to hear what people really think about you.

Downside: The afterlife might have its own credit system. Beware of underworld loan sharks.

3. Identify as a Mole

living a subterranean life as a mole will surely get you away from your student debt. image: shutterstock.

The Basics: Embrace your inner mole. Start by digging a hole in your backyard and make it your new residence. Moles live underground, and their primary concern is avoiding spades, not Sallie Mae.

Pro Tip: Invest in some quality sunglasses. Living underground might be great for avoiding debt, but it’s not so great for your eyesight when you occasionally surface for snacks.

Downside: You might have to deal with actual moles. They’re not too keen on sharing their turf, especially with large, debt-ridden humans.

While these methods might seem a tad unconventional, they’re guaranteed to give you a brief respite from those monthly reminders that your wallet is forever chained to a piece of paper from an institution of higher learning. But hey, if all else fails, there’s always the option of, you know, setting up a payment plan. Just a thought.