May, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

The risk to the American public is “extremely low,” said the CDC

After an outbreak of the very-scary-sounding ‘hantavirus’ on the luxury cruise ship MV Hondius (which also sounds like a disease tbf), a number of passengers have now returned to their respective countries, including… America. Oh shit, that’s here!

Reportedly, the states of Georgia and California are monitoring residents who aren’t showing signs of illness.

It’s also worth noting that hantavirus only spreads from rat to human, not human to human (except in the rare cases of the Andes strain, but we just won’t mention that). So this is great for everyone and not so great for my cousin Björn, who works at a ‘rat zoo’ which I’m not sure is even a thing, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him kissing the rats a couple of times, and I said that was disgusting, but I’m pretty sure he still does it.

Anyway, three people died during the outbreak. Although only two are actually confirmed to have had the virus.

Rats.

In a statement, the CDC (Centers for Disease Control (why is that plural?)) said, “The Department of State is leading a coordinated, whole-of-government response including direct contact with passengers, diplomatic coordination, and engagement with domestic and international health authorities.”

‘Whole-of-government’? Not sure how the National Nuclear Security Administration is going to be much use here, but by all means, let them weigh in on this one.

The ship had passengers from 23 countries, consisting mostly of crew from the Philippines but including people from the UK, US, Spain, the Netherlands, Germany, should I list them all? Ok, fine, I’ll list them all: France, Ukraine, Canada, Australia, Turkey, Belgium, Ireland, India, Greece, Japan, New Zealand, Argentina, Poland, Russia, Portugal, Montenegro and GUATEMALA!

And the ship was sailing from Argentina when the outbreak suddenly occurred. Some passengers have already been evacuated but most are still onboard and will be quarantined when they arrive in Tenerife on May 9.

Stay tuned to see how this plays out.

In a collab advert (a ‘collad’ if you will), FOX Sports, FOX One and Indeed are doing a cross promotion to promote their separate services across each other, promotionally.

The advert is billed as “a nationwide search to fill the position of “FOX One Chief World Cup Watcher Hired Through Indeed” – a dream job for cultural moment fanatics across the country.” Well, as a ‘cultural moment fanatic’ myself, this sounds very exciting indeed.

And to add to the excitement, this is being billed as a real job paying a massive $50,000 salary to watch all 104 matches across the 39-day tournament. The winner will be tasked with live-streaming the World Cup from “their personal office – a custom-built, dream viewing space in the heart of New York City’s Times Square.”

And all using the FOX One streaming platform, of course.

How To Apply

So first, you need to have an Indeed profile or make one (and there’s the rub).

Set it to “employers can find you.”

Then post a video on social media explaining why you’re right for the job with the hashtag #ChiefWorldCupWatcher.

So, you know, how you’d apply for any other definitely real job.

And If You Get The Role…

…It’s going to be an interesting one to put on the resume.

“Now I’m seeing a gap in your employment history here: it just says ‘watched the soccer’?”

“Oh, no, that was a job. A real job Hired Through Indeed™. I was paid $50,000 to sit on the couch and watch soccer for a month. It was real, I didn’t dream it, I swear!”

Though to be fair, at least one person’s getting paid. How many people have been doing this for free every World Cup, like a sucker? All this time, you could have been earning a fortune? Who knew.

Do you think they can backdate these payments…?

Damn, we really got $80 GTA 6 before GTA 6…

Take Two’s CEO, Strauss Zelnick, recently alluded to GTA 6’s price point at a video game conference and for some reason, this prompted Bank of America’s Securities Stock Analyst, Omar Dessouky, to weigh in.

“We also heard from attendees that the industry, which is perceived as struggling, would have difficulty selling games for $80 if GTA 6 came out at $70. We think it’s in Take-Two’s self-interest, as a publisher and partner to many developers, to raise the price point for the entire industry.”

And just to prove how in touch he is with the game industry, Dessouky doubled down on his point, saying that this high price point makes sense because “AI will raise the value of games to consumers.”

Of course, we don’t know what the price of GTA 6 will be, but for Zelnick’s part, he’s been saying that yes, game pricing does not reflect development costs…

“…If you look at it through that lens, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But that isn’t the lens through which we look. Instead, we look at… how do we deliver something amazing, and how do we make sure that what people pay for it feels very reasonable.”

So the question is, what’s reasonable?

Last year, Nintendo took the plunge with Mario Kart World, retailing at $79.99, $20 more than standard Switch games. The move was met with widespread criticism, but MKW went on to sell 14 million copies, so who’s laughing now?

This could really go either way. Rockstar certainly doesn’t need to charge $80. Everyone knows this game will be a hit and continue to be a hit for another decade after it’s been released. GTA 6 will likely make as much as a small country’s economy, no matter the price point.

And Take Two probably aren’t too fussed about the rest of the industry, no matter what BoA wants them to do. So the only question is, is it worth them squeezing the consumers just a little more?

I say go further, I say they should HIT ‘EM WITH A CROWBAR AND TAKE THEIR CAR TOO. IT’S THE GTA WAY!!!

Like… no?

Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, isn’t done yet and just announced his plan on X to become even richerer.

Replying to a Tweet (Xweet) that Musk will soon pass the $800 billion net worth milestone, Elon said simply, “$10T or bust.”

And look, the world is already bracing itself for the first ever trillionaire, let alone someone of ten times that value. For reference, only the US and China have GDPs higher than $10 trillion. Germany and Japan take third and fourth place, and they’re not even worth $10 trillion COMBINED.

According to Peter Diamandis, founder of the X Prize Foundation, Elon holds an estimated 2.7% of America’s GDP. The last person to do that was JD Rockefeller in 1913.

“Rockefeller had oil. Musk has the future,” says Diamandis.

And it’s true. With SpaceX’s upcoming IPO set to launch Musk’s wealth into the stratosphere, we could very much have the world’s first trillionaire on our hands.

But that’s not the only win that Elon’s been racking up lately. His ongoing civil case against OpenAI, has successfully hamstrung his AI rival for the foreseeable future.

And Musk recently settled on a different case, this time with the SEC, paying a fine of $1.5 million for failing (ALLEGEDLY) to disclose purchasing Twitter (ALLEGEDLY). Now that might sound like a lot of money, but it’s peanuts compared with his net worth and the $150 million that the SEC was originally trying to hit him with. Big W for the ‘Lon.

So will Elon Musk successfully sue OpenAI? Will he reach one trillion? Ten trillion? Or will he go completely bust? There’s only one way to find out… wait and see.

Did they really think they could buy eBay?

Michael Burry, the investor made famous in The Big Short, just sold his entire position on GameStop, bringing to an end one of the greatest crossover episodes of all time.

Since 2019, Burry has been involved in the GameStop saga, but after the game retailer’s CEO, Ryan Cohen, suggested they could buy eBay for $56 billion, Burry pulled out and GME’s stock plummeted 10%.

Come on guys, everyone knows you should only make your final bid in the last minute.

Burry’s retreat was announced on his Substack newsletter, ‘Cassandra Unchained,’ in which he explained that GameStop is simply going to be saddled with a lot of debt should the deal go through.

“Wall Street does indeed mistake debt for creativity, and does so constantly,” Burry wrote. “I of all people should have known.”

Burry does, however, “support the effort” to combine the platforms and capitalize on the billion-dollar collectibles market. He just doesn’t think GameStop’s financial structure can take the weight.

And hey, this might all be hypothetical anyway, as eBay will likely “reject GameStop’s offer out of hand” according to Burry.

So what you’re saying is… so you’re saying that this deal is already… dead and Burry-ed?

Alright, alright, I’ll let myself out…

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Rats.

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