Pen Smith | Wall Street Memes

First Lady and Wife To The President, Melania Trump, has become embroiled in a fraud case against a pump-and-dump scam bearing her name.

Back in April, scammed investors in the $MELANIA and $LIBRA shitcoins filed a lawsuit against Benjamin Chow and Hayden Davis, the men behind the scheme. But now they have filed an updated complaint following new information from a whistleblower.

The documents read, “On Tuesday, the plaintiffs sought the court’s permission to file yet another amended complaint, based on alleged information provided by an anonymous whistleblower. With Chow acting as the “commander,” the pair launched, pumped, and dumped at least 15 crypto coins, the proposed second amended complaint alleges, including $MELANIA.”

“The scheme allegedly inflicted millions of dollars in losses on unwitting investors. Trump, who is not a named defendant in the lawsuit, was used as “window dressing for a crime engineered by Meteora and Kelsier,” the proposed document alleged. The filing further states that the plaintiffs do not allege that Trump or Milei “operated the scheme.”

Milei here refers to Argentine President Javier Milei, who put his name behind the Libra coin as Melania put hers behind $MELANIA by posting about it on X in January. After her promotion, the coin jumped to $12.95. It’s now worth 10 cents per coin. Nice job, grifters.

And look, game recognise game. As the lowlife masterminds behind the Wall Street Memes Token ($WSM), Snorter ($SNORT), Maxidoge ($MAXI), Sponge ($SPONGE), Sloth ($SLOTHANA), BTC Bull ($BTCBULL), T6900 ($TOKEN 6900), Wall Street Pepe ($WEPE), PepeNode ($PEPENODE), Solaxy ($SOLX), the Best Wallet Token ($BEST), and probably loads of other shitcoins I don’t even know about (honestly, we seem to make like a new one every week), we know a THING OR TWO about pump and dump scams.

Are we getting sued for fraud? No. But Melania gets it in the neck. Honestly, it’s a double standard. We should leave rich, famous, powerful people alone and start going after the little guy, like us.

We’re only halfway through Trump’s second term and two-ish years out from the next presidential race, but still, everyone’s asking everyone and confirming or denying or maybe-ing if they’re going to run when really half of them shouldn’t be doing any of that.

There’s been a lot of updates on this in the last week for some reason, so let’s look at the BOTTOM five candidates who have said that they’d run next election, ranked by how much they really, really shouldn’t run. Please god don’t run.

5. Gavin Newsom

Hey look, you win some, you Newsom, and Gavin would definitely lose some. Just last week the California Governor confirmed to CBS News that he had given “serious thought” to a Presidential Run but that he’d see how next year’s midterm elections go.

Democrat Presidential 2028 Polling Graph

But Gav, I don’t think you need to wait. You might be the top choice among Democrats, but you are still deeply unpopular with half of the country, sir. Trump has long branded you enemy number one, and winning any Republican over would be a massive uphill battle. But then again, maybe they’re not the votes a Democrat would win anyway…

4. Charlie Kirk

The Republican commentator won a massive boost recently, with thousands turning out for rallies in his support and employers swiftly removing anyone who critiqued him. If Kirk can keep this momentum going into ‘28, there’s a chance that… wait, what? No, I don’t know why he’s become famous lately… he’s dead? Oh, shit, ok, my bad, scrub this one from the list. In fact, you know what, a dead person is still a better option than the next two.

3. Kamala Harris

Just yesterday, the former Vice President said “I am not done” in an interview with the BBC, firmly not ruling out that she’d run again but also not confirming it. The interviewer then pointed out that her odds were behind Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

Savage.

But she’s not wrong. Kamala. Please, you lost. It’s over. ‘You didn’t do it, Joe.’ You had your unfair shake at the stick. The American public’s confidence in you has been shot to pieces. Please, for the sake of all our attention spans, do what Joe Biden didn’t and step aside for someone else.

2. Joe Biden

Oh, can you imagine…?

…NOOOOO! GOD. NO. GOD. PLEASE. NO. NO! NO! NOOOOOO!!!

An Honorable Mention: The Presidential Also-Rans

Shout out to those who didn’t make this list because they have a better shot than the bottom of this barrel:

AOC. MechaHitler (AKA Grok). JD Vance. Me. Pete Buttigieg. Zohran Mamdani (he’s busy tho). Ted Cruz. A rotten potato. Donald Trump Jr. (AKA ‘Backup Trump’). Justin Trudeau. Mike Pence (who?). And Tim Walz (who?).

Republican Presidential 2028 Polling Graph

But the number one spot for the worst possible option to run for president in 2028 is…

1. Donald Trump!

Trump recently told reporters on Air Force One that the idea of running as Vice President, then slipping into the Presidential chair to circumvent the Constitution was, “too cute.”

Great! That’s great news, right? …but he did say, he’d ‘love to run’ for a third term. Oh, yes, of course, I forgot: why on earth would you bend the rules when you can just break them instead?

Shit. It’s going to be him again, isn’t it?

NBA stars Chauncy Billups, Terry Rozier and Damon Jones are among those arrested for alleged game fixing. Meanwhile, a separate but somehow related case has nabbed 31 mafia members for the lame crime of rigging poker games and not something cool like murder or something.

As FBI Director Kash Patel explained, “This is an illegal gambling operation and sports rigging operation that spanned the course of years. The FBI led a coordinated takedown across 11 states to arrest over 30 individuals today.”

According to Patel, the operation spanned years and went all the way to the top of the Casa Nostra, involving the Genovese, Lucchese, Banana, Childish Gambino, Fetachini, and Soprano families. AKA the 5.6 families.

Those arrested include Portland Trail Blazers coach Chauncey Billups, Miami Heat player Terry Rozier, former Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks and Cleveland Cavaliers player Damon Jones, and former NBA player Bugs Bunny, who was detained for the unrelated charge of illegal duck hunting.

Officials began investigating unusual betting surrounding Rozier in 2023, wondering if he had manipulated his performance and faked an injury during a game or if he genuinely did come down with a sudden case of “fake-disease-itis”.

Allegedly, between 2022 and 2024, the defendants conducted fraudulent bets worth hundreds of thousands of dollars based on insider information about the NBA games. The criminals then laundered their money with bank wires, crypto, and just good old-fashioned detergent, so add all that to the list of crimes as well.

By the way, have you seen Uncut Gems? Man, I love that movie. Not that that’s related to anything. Anyways…

Separately (I think), Billups and Jones were used as famous faces to bait wealthy individuals into rigged poker games, fleecing hundreds of thousands of dollars from the mark per game. The games were fixed with a tampered shuffling machine, special contact lenses and an X-ray table, what? What even is that?

Fine, I take it back, maybe this poker rigging isn’t so lame after all.

Oh my god and to top all this off the FBI called the investigation ‘Operation Royal Flush’, yeah, we’re going to see a Netflix movie on this in a couple years, no doubt about it.

Ok, I have literally zero related sports articles on this site so best I can do is this: Any Sort Of Bowl, Super Or Otherwise, Fails To Make Appearance For 59th Year Running

Bing, Yahoo, the US Government, a good encyclopedia, so many have tried to break Google’s near-total monopoly on searching for information that I think we all just imagined typing in what we were looking for, clicking a link, and calling that a ‘google’ would just always be how we connected with reality.

But just building an identical search engine was never going to take on the goog. No, we needed to rethink everything, not just offer a slightly different search, but change the way we think about retrieving information altogether.

And you know the next part of the story: AI.

Yeah, turns out people like talking to something to get their information, you know, like we’ve evolved to do for millions of years.

Google Shmoogle

ChatGPT’s long been coming for Google’s lunch, and now they’ve really stepped onto their turf with the launch of the shitily-named OpenAI’s ChatGPT Atlas. Don’t worry, I’m sure we won’t shorten it to Atlas, which would make sense, no, we’ll keep calling it ChatGPT forever.

It’s currently only available on Mac (because of course it is) and replaces regular web browsing with an AI-enhanced search. Yay…

Now no one can make fun of grandma for googling, “Excuse me, Mr. Google, but please do you happen to know what the capital of Gibraltar is? And if so, please could you tell me the answer?” rather than just, “Gibraltar capital.”

OpenAI's ChatGPT Google Rival, Atlas — Great, but does it have a little animated logo for when the Olympic Games come around?

Atlas has come about because the non-profit OpenAI has only now realised that they need to make money. Funny that. So the idea is that brands will pay OpenAI to have their products listed higher than others. Oh, I’m sorry, did you want reliable information? Phhf, gtfo.

It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for ‘em

Google is still king with the most popular web browser in the world, Chrome. Microsoft Edge is the default on all Windows computers, and here’s the crucial thing. Both browsers are already offering their own AI search options, basically the same product ChatGPT just launched, but with more core users.

And here I am, writing this in a Google doc, Google News opened in another tab, running in Chrome, all on my Chromebook. So yeah, un-monopolising this monopoly will be an uphill battle for sure.

Who knows, maybe someday OpenAI or someone else will dethrone the king, but whatever happens, whether we’re searching with ChatGPT, Bing, or Ask Jeeves, I think we’ll always call it a ‘google’.

Genuinely no one seems to have noticed…

Last week, President Donald Trump announced his plan to build America’s very own Arc de Triomphe, but better because it won’t be French.

If approved, the proposed stone archway (mockingly dubbed the Arc de Trump) would be built across the Potomac from the Lincoln Memorial, on the current site of a roundabout in Virginia.

But look at this picture, LOOK AT IT!

This is the model display that Trump used to unveil the plans for the arch. You can see the Ark Of The Covenant in the distance there and the Lincoln Memorial in the foreground, but there’s one little problem…

In real life, the Lincoln Memorial isn’t in line with the Arlington Memorial Bridge; it’s in line with the National Mall (that square of darker green at the bottom).

This can only mean that Trump PLANS TO ROTATE THE ENTIRE LINCOLN MEMORIAL 45 DEGREES.

No, there’s no way they just got it wrong on the model or set it up like that because it looks better, no, the plan is BURROW UNDERNEATH THE MONUMENT, RAISE IT UP ON HYDROLIC JACKS, TURN IT EVER SO SLIGHTLY, AND THEN PUT IT BACK DOWN.

Honest Abe will get his very own hora (that’s the Jewish chair dance you uncultured swine). We can all sing Hava Nagila. It’ll be fun, you should come alone.

The building will then sit completely misaligned from the Washington Monument, the White House, and the Capitol, but at least it’ll line up with the arch, that’s the important thing.

The Arc D’rump is just one part of Trump’s plan to do what every real estate developer does best: gentrify! He also plans to build a $250 million ballroom onto the White House. All just so Trump can do the YMCA, apparently.

It’s unclear how much constructing the arch, rotating Lincoln, building the ballroom and digging a network of secret passageways connecting them all will cost but rest assured it’s worth it.

Alright, that’s enough of that, Trump, hit with your best moves! *Trump starts to do the Floss* Everybody!

Hava nagila! Hava nagila! Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa! HEY!

For more Trump construction news, read this: Trump Slashes Social Security to Fund Diamond Hands Statue

US (United States) Pres (President) Don (Donald) Trump (Trump) has CONFIRMED that we are in a trade war with China (China) potentially ruling him out of the coveted Nobel Prize For Peace Prize.

Trump was asked by a reporter today, “Are we in for a sustained trade war with China?” to which he replied, “Well, you’re in one now. Look, we have 100% tariff– IF WE DIDN’T HAVE TARIFFS [sic] we would be exposed as being a nothing, we would have no defense.”

The Pres-ident seemed surprised that he even had to clarify that we were in a trade war saying, you’re in one with a tone as if to say, “Yeah, duh. Obvs trade war. TW. Tradey-B. Ya feel? [sic]”

Trump trade war potc gif — Trump rn but about trade wars

The comments come following a week of heightened tensions between the two countries and preceding Trump’s upcoming meeting with schzeee-shczing-ping. Is that how you pronounce it? Tremp. That’s how I pronounce Trump. Tremp. Deneld Tremp.

But on the had hand on the other hand i mena, I mean. Sorry, I’ve. I’m very drenk. Drunk. ON THE OTHER HAND, Scott Bessent, the Treasury of… He said that an extension on the tariff pause was possible IF China loosens its controls on rare earth metals.

Basically, there’s a lot still to be worked out, so nothing to see here.

Trump Attempts To Escalate And De-escalate At The Same Time

Earlier in the week, Tromp tried to de-escalate, saying on Truth Social (like X but somehow more shit), “Don’t worry about China, it will all be fine! Highly respected President Xi just had a bad moment. He doesn’t want Depression for his country, and neither do I. The U.S.A. wants to help China, not hurt it!!! President DJT”

But what does this all mean for Trimp’s noble peace price? Well, the DJ was looking to win a prise or two after declaring war is over (happy xmas) in Gaza (Middle East), BUT it seems like he’s been gazumped. Because you can’t go around saying that you’ve solved war forever with one hand and then on/in the other hand say that we’re in a trade war.

No sir, no madam.

Congress is pushing to make their own extra cool nobel praise and then anoint Trump with that instead. If this goes ahead, Trump will officially be a part of the nobility and will henceforth be referred to as Sir Trump upon pain of death.

Tremp.

Donald Trump just saved the world. Thank you, Donald Trump. Israel and Gaza and Palestine and Hamas have a ceasefire and have exchanged hostages in the next step towards peace forever in the universe forever.

Thank you, Donald Trump.

During a really long rambling press conference, in which Trump chastised other speakers for how long they spoke and took shots at Obama and Biden, Donald Trump repeatedly referred to Netanyahu by his diminutive, Bibi. But the way Trump says it with his THICK, THICK accent, it really sounded like ‘baby’.

At one point Trump spoke about the Isreali opposition leader saying that he was a good guy and that Netanyahu should concede that.

“Now you can be a little bit nicer, baby because you’re not at war any more baby.”

I guess they’re closer than anyone knew…

“I would say to baby, baby, it’s now time,” Trump continued. “This piece of land is very small. Think of what you’ve done it’s incredible *applause*.” …what?

Trump hailed everyone as saying that Israel is popular again and everyone loves Israel now.

Idk if anyone’s actually losing their minds over Trump saying this though, he’s said a lot of things. Maybe it was something else he said.

When asked by journalists on Air Force One if he would go to heaven because of this, Trump said, “I don’t think there’s anything [that’s] going to get me in heaven. Okay? I think I’m not maybe heaven-bound… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to make heaven, but I’ve made life a lot better for a lot of people.”

So whilst Trump achieves peace in Palestine, Trump has declared war on Chigaco, Portland, Washington and Bad Bunny.

Isreal has offered to suppply their now unused missile to Trump’s “war from within.”

For more on this story, read this one: Israel-Hezbollah Ceasefire Leaves Thousands Confused, ‘Which War Is Over?’

IRONICALLY, for a guy named MUSK, the richest man in the world smells really strongly.

You may have already seen this, as this story dates back to 2018, but apparently, the Tesla CEO has a really strong sense of smell. Like a dog.

Weird flex, but OK.

Yes, according to WIRED, the X-owner has perhaps the shittiest X-Men superpower, and anyone interviewing for the South African future trillionaire can’t wear perfume or cologne because of his sensitive nose.

Reportedly, during one factory inspection, he asked, “What’s that smell?” regarding a vat of chemicals creating a burning plastic smell. He then claimed the smell would kill people and kill him.

Don’t fart around him, I guess.

Maybe he’s like Daredevil, like, you know, when you lose one sense, all your other senses are heightened? So I guess Elon gained his super sense of smell when he lost his sense of humor.

Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t get the answer you wanted from this headline? You actually want to know what Elon Musk smells like?

Alright, you disgusting little gremlin.

Best I can find is this video of actor Kenan Thompson presumably referencing Elon’s SNL appearance, that Musk’s musk is in fact “sweaty. He was always like, huffing and puffing-ish. So like, outside-soiled-ness.”

Cool, great, I regret knowing that now.

Of course, if you want to find out for yourself first hand, there is a company that makes Elon Musk scented air fresheners, so there’s that…

It could be worse, though. Kenan’s comments thankfully dispel the rumor that Elon Musk actually smells like burnt hair.

Why the fuck would that be a rumor, I hear you ask? Well, that’s because a few years ago, Elon’s The Boring Company launched a novelty (I hope) perfume called “Burnt Hair.”

Musk called it “the finest fragrance on Earth,” and it’s currently sold out (somehow) but at the time it sold for $100.

Elon Musk Burnt Hair perfume — Here’s a picture of the bottle… I have no idea what’s going on on the left.

As The Boring Company website describes it, it’s “Just like leaning over a candle at the dinner table, but without all the hard work” and “Stand out in a crowd! Get noticed as you walk through the airport.”

Apparently, it smells more like burnt weed than burnt hair anyway, so that’s a good thing, I guess?

Obviously, it’s just a joke. The kind of joke that only a humorless billionaire can afford to make, along with selling Tesla satin shorts when the company was shorted and bringing a bathroom sink to the Twitter HQ when he bought it. Because, “let that sink in”… eh?

MAKE COMEDY LEGAL AGAIN!!!!

So there you go, I hope this improved your life marginally. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m off for an interview to become the America Party’s Secretary of Smells, caked from head to toe in Burnt Hair and wrapped with Elon’s Musk air fresheners like I’m a Christmas tree.

Wish me luck!

Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first part of the Trump ceasefire plan: the exchange of hostages, leading to global jubilation and mixed reactions from the financial sector. Come on guys, get on the hype, war’s over forever. WAR IS OVER FOREVER!!

OK, it is mostly positive, the S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 are at record highs, along with gold, and, of course, the shekel and Tel Aviv markets.

But other places are a little more cautious, European stocks are lower, and oil prices have dropped but not much.

There’s still a long way to go, basically. This is just the first part of the agreement; the hostages will hopefully be exchanged in the coming days, hopefully Monday, then after that, talks can continue.

Seems like it might be a while before Trump gets his Nobel Prize.

BUT the Israeli government is due to vote on this like today and if they agree, then a ceasefire should go into place immediately. Very exciting.

Big questions still remain, like who will be in charge of Gaza and will it have a Trump golf course? Israel obviously want to dispose Hamas and but for some reason Hamas are unlikely to agree to that. Trump wants to have some kind of protectorate, which worked super well back in world war one so yeah, let’s just do that again.

Who knows how that’ll all shake down but at least, for the first time in two years, it does genuinely feel like progress.

Congrats to everyone on finally achieving the bare minimum, here’s hoping this will save lives.

For more on this story, read this one: Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

I’M SICK OF IT!

Trump this, trump that, I can’t trump it anymore! I won’t trumpet this guy! I’m sick sick sick I tell you and I’m not going to take it anymore!!!

EVERY day I wake up and look at the news and see what I can write about and it’s always TRUMPTRUMPTRUMPTRUMP.

CNN, every day, EVERY STORY is Trump-themed. Bloomberg, that’s business not politics BUT OHHHH NO, THERE HE IS.

Donald J. Trump. Donald Jay Trump. Donald Jefferson Trump. President Donald Trump. The President Donald Trump. Mr. President. Donald Trump. The Don. Trump.

Oh, what’s this? a nice story about a video game company getting sold? Great, that’s irrelevant, nothing to do with anything, there’s no way… NO WAIT THAT’S HIS SON IN LAW BUYING IT.

FUCK!

Trump

He’s involved in everything, every story is somehow connected to him. I get that he’s the most powerful, influential man in the world at the moment BUT THAT SHOULDN’T MEAN HE HAS TO INFLUENCE ME!!!

On TV: Trump. Social media: Trump. Read a book: Trump. When I look in the mirror: Me. But then I turn around: AH! Trump!

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES EVEN IN A FLASH AS I BLINK IT’S HIM HE’S ALL I SEE.

He’s genuinely not a person anymore, he’s become a concept, like an energy field that just surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds everything together.

I went to the doctor recently because I wasn’t sleeping and you know what he diagnosed me with? TDS.

That’s TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME. I didn’t even think that was a real disease!!! It has its own Wikipedia page!!!!!!

He said I should take a lie down and maybe quit my job but I said I couldn’t I have no qualifications and 14 cousins to feed.

So here’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to just write around him. Any story that’s about him, I just won’t cover. Anything that mentions him tangentially I’ll just ignore, I’ll write him out of it. That’s fine, how hard can that be?

PLEASE I NEED HIM TO LEAVE MY DREAMS.

…

For more on this topic, click here: Donald Trump

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5. Gavin Newsom

4. Charlie Kirk

3. Kamala Harris

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An Honorable Mention: The Presidential Also-Rans

1. Donald Trump!

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