Max Profit | Wall Street Memes

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says that he thinks we’ve achieved Artificial General Intelligence also known as, AGI.

In case you hadn’t heard, artificial intelligence (AI) isn’t the holy grail that you imagined it was. No, because we’ve already made advanced software and then maybe jumped the gun by calling it AI we have to think up a new name for what’s been described by science fiction books and stuff.

And that’s AGI, as opposed to artificial narrowly intelligence, AGI can do almost anything you ask it to, unlike current AI which is shit.

But AI hype man, Jensen Huang recently spoke on a podcast saying that we’re already there. “I think it’s now. I think we’ve achieved AGI,” he said, before referencing OpenClaw and then saying an AI could probably run a company.

Way to put yourself out of a job.

Now, I say ‘wall street just went nuts’ and not going to lie, that was a lie. Wall street didn’t really react. In fact, Nvidia stock is down 6% this year.

When AGI is actually created, I imagine the stock market might have something else to say about things, but until then, yeah, this is just more hype from a sector overstuffed with hype.

Good boy.

For all our technology and invention, we still can’t seem to improve upon the most tried and true of security methods: big guy in front of door. Some call it the oldest profession, because since the time of the ancients, big guy in front of door has been a staple of society, a cornerstone of civilization.

But now some people are trying to improve upon perfection. According to Business Insider, Boston Dynamics, the company that sells ‘Spot’ the robot guard dog, have “seen a huge, huge uptick in interest from data centers in the last year,” explained Merry Frayne, senior director of product management at Boston Dynamics, “which is probably not surprising given the investment in that space.”

Yeah, they’ve got money to burn. So why pay minimum wage to some pathetic human when you can spend $300,000 on something out of robocop?

Well because reportedly, Spot can do more than just security. This food legged friend can also keep on the lookout for malfunctioning machinery, safety hazards and won’t just chill in the office on its phone like Phil does. Come on Phil, what are we paying you for?

Robot Dogs? Now I’ve Seen Everything!

But is Spot a sign of things to come? Is a robot uprising on the horizon? Well, yes and no. long-term projections project robots could come to dominate manual labor jobs. Some estimates claim that 2030 could see robot shipments reach one million, for a revenue of $21 billion. This jumps to $5 trillion by 2050.

This isn’t the realty yet however as annual robot sales have flatlined at 500,000 units ever since 2021 with no signs of budging.

So what’s the barrier? Well, lots of things. Cost is a big one with prohibitive price tags barring all but the military and AI companies. If the average consumer is going to start buying, it’s going to have to be cheaper.

And then there’s the fact that the tech isn’t necessarily there yet. We’ve seen enough videos of robots falling over while trying to load a dishwasher to know they’re not helping out on a large scale any time soon.

These self-driving cars are programmed to move fast and break things

Uber has announced plans to invest $1.25 billion dollars in electric EV vehicle manufacturer, Rivian, in order to build a “robotaxi fleet” once again proving that in the tech world, humans are a bug, not a feature.

By 2031 Uber says they’ll have 50,000 autonomous R2 vehicles (exclusive to Uber) in 25 cities across North America and Europe, or putting it another way, that’s 50,000 drivers out of work.

Bear in mind that Uber already carved up the taxi industry, pushed everyone to follow the gig economy model, then refused to put the pieces back together when it became unsustainable. Well, now they’re going to do the same thing, just this time with their own market. Who cares if an entire industry gets broken along the way?

The irony is palpable. It’s kind of like Netflix being a DVD rental service then being the very company that kills the DVD.

But it does make sense, like Facebook, 23 And Me and Pokémon Go before them, Uber looks to be one of those bait and switch data harvesting schemes. I mean, they’ve spent years grabbing data on traffic, shortcuts, and routes from its drivers. Now they’ve got everything they need, it’s time to reveal the real plan: FULL MECHANISATION! AHHHHH!!

Uber? More like, screwpeopleov-er! hahaha

Anyway, here’s a breakdown of the deal:

A bulk buy of 10,000 autonomous R2 EVs.
The option to buy 40,000 more beginning in 2030.
An initial $300 million investment in Rivian, pending regulatory approval.
Up to $1.25 billion investment committed through to 2032, subject to performance milestones.

Uber’s stock remained flat from the announcement for some reason but Rivian got a massive 10% bump. That’s almost one tenth of a hundred. Huge.

So yeah, we’ll see what happens next. But it could easily be that Uber ushers in the next era of autonomous vehicles just like they brought about the current era of taxi-ness.

Maybe the real Warner Bros Discovery was the AI Ben Afflecks we bought along the way

Still feeling like their studio-buying itch hasn’t been scratched, Netflix has announced that they’ve just bought InterPositive, Ben Affleck’s AI production software company for anywhere up to $600 (million) dollars in real money.

Affleck (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) worked on the technology in secret for years before securing investment in 2025. The tools he developed have already been employed in an upcoming David Fincher (Alien3) film staring Brad Pitt (Cool World).

Announcing the merger, Netflix has released a sit-down discussion between Affleck and Netflix’s CPTO and CCO. The video, which I found surprisingly wholesome and persuasive, features an oddly exasperated Baffleck explaining that, “No, no! Don’t worry! This isn’t the bad kind of AI, we promise!!”

Ben Affleck is just really tired and doesn’t want to act anymore

As he explains, the tools he’s developed at InterPositive consist of simple post-production AI tools that aren’t designed to replace actors, artists or create a whole movie for you. No, you still have to shoot the whole movie first but then you can use Affleck’s (now Netflix’s) AI tools to train on what you’ve shot and get it to remove booms in frame, replace some set dressing, tweak some lighting.

If you’re still sceptical, well, you should be. All those changes are still jobs that require humans and artistry. We’ve seen enough AI slop and Tilly Norwoods to know that AI cannot fully replace human filmmaking.

But maybe that’s old man yelling at cloud. Technology has constantly changed and shaped the industry and at every stage, people have ‘yelled at cloud’.

Matte paintings. Sound. Miniatures. Color. Green screen. Digital camera. CGI. At one point all of these were seen as a lazy filmmaking and taking away from the artistry of the filmmakers. Now all of them are indelible to modern films.

But then on another, third hand, it could be argued that these powerful technologies have allowed filmmakers to lean on a ‘fix it in post’ mentality. To not light properly because the digital cameras will catch everything. To not decide on costumes, sets, locations ahead of time because it can be CG-ed or reshot later. It could be argued that tech that makes filmmaking easier leads to lazier, flatter and less technically competent films that makes audiences ask, “Why don’t movies look like movies any more?”

But despite the tech, every decade has great films and bad films. There’s clearly a happy middle ground.

And love it or hate it, AI is the next technology on that list, it will (and already is) being employed to make films and that’s only going to become more common. Ben Affleck (of all people) saw this and thought, I’mma get ahead of this before it gets ahead of me.

And now Netflix are paying him millions for that foresight.

“Welcome to JuraXic Park!”

As if he hadn’t learned the lesson from any of the seven movies, two animated TV shows, twenty-nine comic books, one-hundred-and-twelve video games and one pair of novelty Jurassic World Washing Up Gloves… ELON MUSK is forging ahead with building his very own Jurassic Park/World.

That’s of course if his joke Tweets are intended to be taken entirely literally.

Here’s what Elon actually said:

Elon jurassic park tweet — He’s not even saying he’d be the one to do it guys…

That’s right, we’re at the point in the news cycle where a six-word joke retweet from Elon Musk is headline worthy. Thanks UniLadTechDotCom!

Knowing full well there wasn’t really a story here, Harry Boulton (not naming names here) needed to pad out his word count for ‘the Lad’ so spent the first three paragraphs saying, “Elon is the richest man, he could probably afford Jurassic Park” but using different words.

No shade Harry, I’m also padding like crazy right now. Game recognise game.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Elon made a joke. That’s the news. You can go home now.

But if you’re going to stick around, I’ll indulge the concept. Is is possible to bring back dinosaurs? Well, kind of. We for sure have the tech to make a dino-shaped genetically modified chicken. Something that publications like WallStMemes and UniLad wouldn’t hesitate to call dinosaurs, just like when the world was duped into thinking the dire wolves had returned in what was just some extra fluffy pups in a PR stunt.

Could those turkey-dinosaur genetic monstrosities then populate a zoo-type theme park? Yeah, maybe? But I bet you anything they wouldn’t be able to reproduce, would be riddled with genetic diseases and would just wilt and die very quickly. Throw enough money at the project and maybe it could keep going for a bit but you’re making a loss here and that’s just not sustainable is it?

So no, I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t care if it’s a joke, Elon, you got my hopes up!

Idk, can they compete with China?

NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang is hyping up his company’s upcoming appearance at GTC next month saying that this chip is so amazing, no one’s ever seen it before, etc. etc. I mean, it’s just hype, right? There’s not really a story here? ‘BREAKING NEWS: CEO says own company is good’… like, OK.

And maybe something’s been lost in translation here, but it took a little digging to actually find this quote and when I did, it was a different quote. And I know this isn’t the biggest story, like, it doesn’t really matter what he said, but I just found it interesting that this quote has been parroted across ex-Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and a bunch of actual publications without any sources listed.

I finally found the original interview and it’s in Korean, which I don’t speak, but the auto translate says that he said he’ll unveil, “A chip that will surprise the world will be unveiled at GTC next month.”

And OK, maybe the Korean words for these phrases can be interpreted a bunch of different ways, but I feel like “a chip that will surprise the world” is different from a chip that “the world has never seen before.” Idk who’s translating this or whatever but I’m just trying to say it’s crazy that you can have this quote spread like wildfire, without any sources and potentially it might be slightly wrong?

Wait, isn’t this an article about Nvidia and chips and stuff?

Sure, again, thankfully this is a pretty unimportant story, but imagine what else you’re seeing that could also be misquoted, misrepresented, etc. etc.

We all know that the internet is still a wild west, we all know it can’t be trusted, but we do still use it every single day, and I’m just looking out for you friend. Be careful out there. Who knows what lies you might be facing. Be careful who you listen to. Be wary of who you trust.

In maybe the highest payout in the history of tech startups ever, OpenAI is paying its workers stock compensation worth $1.5 million dollars ON AVERAGE. And I know things have gotten intense with tech companies poaching workers from each other, but this is actually crazy.

The situation is that OpenAI is gearing up for probably the biggest IPOs in history and wants its workers on board by offering a massive cut of that stock selloff. With a rough valuation of $830 billion last round, the company is poised to unload to its 4,000 employees stocks worth about $1.5 million each.

And how much are you earning currently?

Whenever stories like this come out I feel sorry for the people who just missed the cut off. Like, there must be a cut off somewhere, I think it’s two years? What if you joined just a little too late? Or maybe you’re not contracted but you basically work there full time? What about the poor janitor who’s going to watch everyone around them come in the next day with Lambos while they’re stuck driving a battered Pontiac.

But this is rare at least. The next closest example is Google’s IPO in the 2000s, but employees in that case won just a sixth of what OpenAI’s doing.

Add on top of this, OpenAI salaries start at $200,000 and don’t even require a degree, there’s a small group of people who are making bank from this non-profit.

But the question remains, why on earth would you stay after this payout? Sure, everyone’s going to invest in OpenAI, but the moment they do it’s going to have an exodus of newly minted engineers and OpenAI might have a brain-drain.

Did you think about that? Huh? HUH?

No. You’re an embarrassment and you’ve wasted your life.

Professional person Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Pokémon Illustrator Card — Here’s the card. Looks pretty darn valuable if you ask me.

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

Sorry, ‘offer’, I meant ‘offer’. What did I say?

Paramount has increased its hostile takeover bid by $0.25 per share which might not sound like a lot but actually it is.

Paramount will also pay shareholders for each quarter the translation is not closed beyond December 31st (basically for a late fee) and pay the $2.8 billion termination fee to Netflix. Ok, now those are looking like big numbers.

WBDB is going to review the offer and get back to them. So can the Ellisons just keep throwing money at this and get what they want?

WBDBDB haven’t amended their recommendation to take Netflix’s offer and bear (bare?) in mind that they have already accepted the Netflix deal.

But will the Ellisons just keep raising there offer up and up until they get what they want?

And why do they even want it so bad anyways?

Paramount Importance

I’ve heard that the real reason they want WDBB is because they really want CNN which will be spun off if Netflix buys it. But then can’t Paramount just buy it off Netflix when its spun off? Apaz part of the theory is that Paramount want CNN before the midterm elections and we’re deep into machiavellian plot stuff now.

Because if Trump’s best friend Larry Elison can get his son to own one of the biggest news corps in America he’s going to have a lot of influence on the history of the planet.

The con is on.

But who knows what’ll happen. It all remains to be seen. Watch this space.

15%? So, back to last Thursday’s prices then?

PepsiCo! The company that confusingly makes more than just Pepsi, has announced plans to reduce the cost of snacks like Lay’s, Dorito’s, Cheeto’s, Tostito’s, Avocado’s “and more” (never heard of that last snack) by 15%, specifically so that you, the person reading this, can afford it.

The price slash should come into effect just before Super Bowl Sunday, aka ‘The Christmas of Snacks’, positioning PepsiCo snacks as more desirable on the shelf over this all important weekend.

Oh, sorry, sorry, no, they did this out of the kindness of their salty, salty hearts. Yes, millionaire CEO Rachel Ferdinando has personally “spent the past year listening closely to consumers, and they’ve told us they’re feeling the strain.”

“Lowering the suggested retail price reflects our commitment to help reduce the pressure where we can. Because people shouldn’t have to choose between great taste and staying within their budget.”

PepsiCo also plans to file for charity status within the coming days.

This massive humanitarian effort began when Elliot Management jumped on the flailing business with a $4 billion stake and vowed to turn around the business with steps such as these. You know, like what Jesus did.

According to an earning’s release (but not the press release) the hope is to improve “purchase frequency”. Oh, and also reduce the pressure and help people out of course. I mean, mainly the make money part, but helping people, yeah, yeah, that too. Why not both?

So, is this a sign that companies are finally seeing that things are too expensive? Well, I guess so, but we’ll only see real change if PepsiCo is successful here and if companies are so desperate they’re basically forced to. And if they can make money off it.

So, err, no, not really then, no.

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