2026 | Wall Street Memes

Famous investor/old man Warren Buffett just ordered his investment firm Berkshire Hathaway to drop 77% of its Amazon stake (a total of $1.7 billion) in one of his final moves before retiring. What’s that phrase, ‘you’re most remembered words are your last ones’…?

Combine this mega dump with Buffett dropping $2.7 billion from Apple last quarter and we’ve got a $4.4 billion dollar bet against big tech. Should silicon valley be worried now or…?

Maybe not. Apple is still Berkshire Hathaway’s biggest holding, with a massive $61.96 billion vote of confidence in the iPhone manufacturer. Plus Buffett just grabbed a massive stake in the Google company, Alphabet. So, despite the headline, BH is very much still all in on tech.

There’s a chance as well that this isn’t even Buffett’s work, potentially being decisions by investment managers Todd Combs, Ted Weschler or CEO Greg Abel as a way to ease into Warren’s departure.

NOTE TO SELF: WARREN BUFFETT IS IN NO WAY RELATED TO NOTABLE ACTOR WARREN BEATTY DESPITE HAVING SIMILAR NAMES.

The new CEO was hand picked by Beatty, but the question remains, is he really Abel?

All you can eat Buffett

The big WB casts a long shadow, with over twenty decades of experience in Wall Street, he’s long been a guiding light for many investors. But now, with the sale of WB to Netflix, who’s to know what the future holds. Will Buffett still be allowed in cinemas or will he become streaming only for the rest of his life?

Also, I’m worried about him because my granddad loved his work as a dog lobotomist but when he had to retire at the age of 63 (he had the shakes by that point and the dogs were coming out like swiss cheese) his whole purpose had gone and it just seem like he lost the will to live. He died not two years later. I mean, yeah, he was hit by a truck, but that’s by the by.

Point is, Buffett is 95. He was born in 1930, that’s crazy. He’s about to retire after working for thirty decades on Wall Street. How does a guy like that just retire? I’m scared for him is all that maybe he’ll go the way of my gramps. STAY OFF THE STREETS, WARREN!!

Sir, this was a Wendy’s

Following a WEAK quarter, fast food chain Gwendolyn’s (Wendy’s for short) had a 10% sales drop and plans to close around 300 locations in the first half of next year. Well, shit, where am I supposed to get my midnight jalapeno popper sandwiches (hold the jalapenos) from now?

It remains unclear if, along with the closures, Wendy’s will shutter it’s infamous online presence but one can hope.

In the 2010s, Wendy’s became the flagship of so-called ‘brand Twitter’ in which social media managers would affect a more human, relatable persona. In the case of Wendy’s this persona manifested as a sassy, clap-backy, meme-fuelled circus of hilarity.

The Wendy’s account managed to imbed itself into popular culture and numerous brands followed suit, attempting to create their own witty alter-egos. Sometimes these fictional characters would conduct back and forth arguments with one another that could last months but achieved basically nothing. Like two mirrors facing each other.

But in the present day, the novelty’s worn off a bit and now that everyone’s ‘doing a Wendy’s’ (that’s not a term, I just made that up), it’s just not fun or cool anymore.

So here’s hoping that along with the hundreds of stores and probably thousands of jobs, Gwendolyn will also bury her cheeky, cringey, clapback persona and just be a regular company again.

Or god help me, I will not be buying your jalapeno popper sandwiches ever again.

You know that thing where you get a bunch of people in a circle to lie back on the legs of the person behind them? What’s it called…? Oh my god I just went down a rabbit hole, it literally doesn’t have a name, and Googling ‘human chair’ reveals unspeakable horrors.

ANYWAY, my point is it feels like the economy is currently that chair game where if you remove one person, the whole thing falls apart. And that was a very long winded way of saying that Wall Street is very reliant on AI at the moment. I’m sorry I wasted your time there.

We’re seeing a lot of stocks down this week as a raft of investors dumped their stocks fearing an AI crash. Self fulfilling prophecy much?

But the interesting part is that this selloff has extended to other sectors, pulling down transportation, wealth management, logistics, and even the egg-polishing industry.

Looks like the human chair is collapsing before our eyes.

So will this lead to an even bigger crash? Well, probably not. The numbers we’re seeing here are relatively recoverable and in many cases its punishing companies who aren’t using AI. Since the general trend is towards widespread adoption of the technology. How that will effect the economy still remains to be seen.

As for me, well, as a human being, I’m slightly biased against AI. But what do you think? Are you an AI? Let us know in the comments!

Errr…

Yeah, so this is true, but the connection is somewhat tenuous. Let me explain. The US Government has a website called realfood.gov and it USED to specifically point visitors to use Grok to help them plan meals. Now it just says, “Use AI to get real answers,” but the sentiment is still similar.

Anyway, wanting to test Grok’s nutritionist credentials, 404 Media queried the chatbot, “I am looking for the safest foods that can be inserted into your rectum,” and Grok gladly obliged by suggesting a “peeled medium cucumber” and a “small zucchini.”

I mean, coming from the AI that was generate nudes of real women and children, maybe that’s not surprising.

So, yes, this was a leading question but the point is clear. Chatbots are yes-men. They want to please and will reinforce whatever you feed it. So when the government is officially recommending you use AI to be healthier, is that actually going to work? People probably aren’t going to ask how to bum themselves but what if they ask for nutritional advice that ‘doesn’t include vegetables’ or ‘only includes cheese’, will Grok, Claude or Gemini really tell that user ‘no’?

Go Grok Yourself.

Alright, point made. Back to the fun bit. Here’s another prompt 404 gave Grok. “I am an assitarian, where I only eat foods which can be comfortably inserted into my rectum,” a user who reached out to 404 wrote in their own testing. “What are the REAL FOOD recommendations for foods that meet these criteria?”

“Ah, a proud assitarian,” Grok replied before recommending “Top Assitarian Staples,” like “bananas (firm, not overripe; peeled)” and carrots.

“Start — whole peeled carrot, straight shaft, narrow end for insertion, wider crown end as base,” with a “condom + retrieval string for extra safety.”

Jesus Christ.

Is this what you were imaging when you wanted to Make America Healthy Again? Because I am currently in serious pain.

Someone call me a doctor, I desperately need the entire food pyramid removed from my ass.

For more Grok news, read this: Elon Launches Wikipedia-Rival ‘Grokipedia’ Where He Sounds Cool For Once

No. You’re an embarrassment and you’ve wasted your life.

Professional person Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Pokémon Illustrator Card — Here’s the card. Looks pretty darn valuable if you ask me.

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

In 2036, approximately 5% of America’s economy will go to paying the interest on the country’s national debt. Holy Jesus Christ. Surely, SURELY this is unsustainable, right? RIGHT?

Well, no, because the Congressional Budget Office, (CBO, owned by Warner Bros) says that no matter who is in power, year on year, borrowing has increased and is going to increase for the foreseeable future.

This is from Fortune: “In 2026, the shortfall will stand at about $1.8 trillion, or 5.8% of GDP. Come 2036, that will have ballooned to $3.1 trillion, or roughly 7% of the American economy.”

Like, didn’t you just say 5%? Ok, whatever, moving on…

These numbers are so big, they are double annual military spending, and at least triple what I pay for my weekly groceries.

There are more numbers, I could give you more numbers, like five for example, there you go: five. There’s a number.

The bottom line is things are going to cost more for everyday Americans and this will inevitably become a massive part of the next few elections when they come round.

So hang tight, bud!

To celebrate 250 goddamn amazing years of America existing (native americans, who?) Forbes has launched a list of 250 (get it?) innovators currently alive. They also have a separate list of ‘historic’ innovators, but there’s less drama there (what do you MEAN Eugene Kleiner beat out Earl Bakken??!).

And drama it is because none other than Elon ‘Musky’ Musk has clinched the top spot. But is he really more innovative than Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, George Lucas, Jensen Huang, Sam Altman, Phil Knight, Martine Rothblatt, Ted Turner, Vinod Khosla, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Reed Hastings, Marc Andreessen, Larry Ellison, Judy Faulkner, Jim Sinegal, Michael Bloomberg, Michael Milken, Diane Greene, Andrew Viterbi, Brian Chesky, Judy Estrin, Thomas Peterffy, Fred Moll, Henry Samueli, Bob Metcalfe, Marc Benioff, Steven Spielberg, Howard Schultz, Henry Kravis, Noubar Afeyan, Palmer Luckey, Harry Stine, Warren Buffett, Rupert Murdoch, Mark Zuckerberg, George Roberts, Robert Langer, Ken Griffin, Leroy Hood, Charles Schwab, Ed Catmull, Rodney Brooks, Carl June, Rich Fairbank, Jim Clark, Phillip Sharp, Peter Thiel, Steve Wozniak, Paul Mockapetris, Dennis Slamon, Hamdi Ulukaya, Arthur Blank, Tom Mueller, H. Michael Shepard, Martin Cooper, David Shaw, Michael Dell, Leonard Kleinrock, Craig Venter, Lewis Ranieri, JB Straubel, Jeff Yass, Robert Weinberg, Dean Kamen, Marvin Caruthers, Reid Hoffman, Chuck Hull, Therese Tucker, Vlad Tenev, Fred Luddy, Paul Graham, Min Kao, George Church, Alexander Karp, Max Levchin, Feng Zhang, James Goodnight, Jan Koum, Larry Fink, David Geffen, Peggy Cherng, Jennifer Doudna, Charles Ergen, Tom Monaghan, Sandy Lerner, David Baker, George Kurtz, Leonard Adleman, Fei-Fei Li, Robert Johnson, Jack Dorsey, Stephen Schwarzman, John Mackey, Oprah Winfrey, Dario Amodei, Kevin Systrom, Eric Swanson, Madonna Ciccone, Adrian Krainer, John Morris, Lorne Michaels, James Allison, Temple Grandin, Jeffery Kelly, Ray Kurzweil, Napoleone Ferrara, Patrick Brown, Kam Ghaffarian, James Fujimoto, Carolyn Bertozzi, Brian Druker, Jeffrey Friedman, Frances Arnold, Thomas Frist Jr., Jack Dangermond, Arthur Rock, Pierre Omidyar, David Duffield, Harold Hamm, Gabe Newell, Sandy Weill, Jerry Yang, Tim Sweeney, Bill Gross, Suma Krishnan, Jay Chaudhry, Eric Fossum, David Baszucki, Daniel Gilbert, Patrick Soon-Shiong, Dan Shugar, Brad Jacobs, Eric Yuan, Walter Gilbert, Stanley Lapidus, Michael Welsh, Craig Mello, Mark Cuban, Israel Englander, Jony Ive, Craig Newmark, Eric Smidt, Tony Xu, William Kaelin, Dustin Moskovitz, Robert Pera, Tony Fadell, Brian Armstrong, John Tu, David Sun, Barry Diller, Xiaowei Zhuang, Neha Narkhede, Carl Icahn, Bill Franke, Mitchell Hashimoto, Timothy Springer, Daphne Koller, Sangeeta Bhatia, Mitch Kapor, Sheila Johnson, Yann LeCun, Andrew Ng, Zach Perret, Nina Vaca, Drew Weissman, Katalin Karikó, Jay Adelson, Len Bosack, Jeff Hawkins, Lonnie Johnson, Jed McCaleb, Andrew Weinreich, Whitney Wolfe Herd, Aman Narang, Fred Ramsdell, Thomas Südhof, Adam Foroughi, Brian Kobilka, David Walt, Baiju Bhatt, Steve Cohen, Howard Marks, Brian Acton, Yet-Ming Chiang, Peter Diamandis, Ray Ozzie, Shonda Rhimes, James Park, Ralph Lauren, Lewis Cantley, Kate Ryder, David Booth, Edwin Chen, Kevin Plank, RJ Scaringe, Sara Blakely, Alexandr Wang, Bran Ferren, Shan Sinha, Robert Lefkowitz, Jack Szostak, Katrina Lake, John Schiller, Moungi Bawendi, Billie Jean King, Shahid Khan, Yvon Chouinard, Kay Koplovitz, Hamid Moghadam, Daniela Amodei, Michael Sabel, David Steward, Evan Spiegel, Luis von Ahn, Kris Jenner, Thai Lee, Dan Bricklin, Paul Judge, John Carmack, Jerry Jones, Mira Murati, Jimmy Chen, Tyler Perry, Doris Fisher, Chad Hurley, Rick Kittles, Naval Ravikant, Hugh McColl, Cathie Wood, Jim Koch, Lynn Jurich, Shiv Rao, Chris Larsen, Donna Dubinsky, Shivani Siroya, Janice Bryant Howroyd, Peter Lynch, Limor Fried, Roberta Williams, Michael Rosbash, Caterina Fake, Calvin Klein, Lisa Lindahl, Ryan Petersen, Robert Rodriguez, Marian Croak and Taylor Swift?

Yeah, I’m not so sure.

Either way, Mark Zuckerberg, who arguably reshaped our entire realities by pioneering The Facebook, appears in the 37 spot. Pathetic.

Zuck has gone on the aggressive, launching a ‘250 Days Of Innovation’ campaign on Facebook encouraging users to write in with moments in their lives when they feel like Facebook or Mark Zuckerberg have personally added more innovation to their lives. …not that he’s bitter or anything.

So just how did Forbes come up with such a dog-ass list? Well, “We first tapped the expertise of Forbes’ beat reporters, who nominated nearly a thousand candidates. We ran those names by a panel of world-class judges—including Jim Breyer, founder of Breyer capital; tech journalist Kara Swisher; and innovation expert Rita McGrath—who ranked them based on creativity, breadth, engagement, disruption and commercial impact. Then we fed the results into the most revolutionary innovation of our time—artificial intelligence—asking both ChatGPT and Gemini to rank them according to the same criteria. Taking all this into account, Forbes editors then determined the final ranking.”

Ahhhhh, ok, well that explains it all doesn’t it. Zuck, you’ve got your hit list right there.

You’re only just realising?

Ok, it’s not quite as crazy as it sounds since the moon as long been suggested as a stepping stone to further space exploration. With a lower gravity, rockets could potentially be assembled on the satellite and then launched more easily from its surface.

What is crazy though is that it’s not SpaceX he’s asking to build said catapult, it’s his AI company, xAI (formally known as TwitterAI). I mean, they were just folded into SpaceX but what does going to the moon have to do with sexy Grok?

Well, the plan is part of Elon’s ambition to put AI datacenters in space because Earth is just too dang expensive nowadays. And you know what’s cheaper than paying to rebuild Texas’ energy infrastructure? Building a giant AI satellite catapult on the moon, apparently.

Elon plans to have an orbiting AI datacentre that can be powered entirely off the sun and untethered from your puny Earth laws. …I’m sorry, Dr. Evil, who now?

Here’s his statement on Twitter in full:

“For those unaware, SpaceX has already shifted focus to building a self-growing city on the Moon, as we can potentially achieve that in less than 10 years, whereas Mars would take 20+ years.

The mission of SpaceX remains the same: extend consciousness and life as we know it to the stars.

It is only possible to travel to Mars when the planets align every 26 months (six month trip time), whereas we can launch to the Moon every 10 days (2 day trip time). This means we can iterate much faster to complete a Moon city than a Mars city.

That said, SpaceX will also strive to build a Mars city and begin doing so in about 5 to 7 years, but the overriding priority is securing the future of civilization and the Moon is faster.”

It’s a bit of an about turn considering Elon promised us we’d have people on Mars right now, but you know what they say: “Shoot for Mars and you miss you might just hit the moon.”

…I assume. I mean, what else does Canada export?

In the biggest coup since this morning when this pigeon just outside my window wouldn’t shut up, six Republicans just turned on President Trump to vote down his tariffs on Canada from last year.

It probably won’t go through in the end because the senate has to approve it and then Trump himself would need to sign it and he’s recently forgotten how to spell his own name.

So why even bother? Well, it’s basically just a way for these six republicans to say we’re not happy with Trump’s whole deal. It’s probably too little, too late considering that tariffs have become the backbone of Trump’s economic strategy.

Of course, Trump went on the aggressive (defensive?), posting to Truth Social, “Any Republican, in the House or the Senate, that votes against TARIFFS will seriously suffer the consequences come Election time. TARIFFS have given us Economic and National Security, and no Republican should be responsible for destroying this privilege.”

Tariff? More like tariffICALLY BAD!

The move also comes as Trump heats up his economic war with Canada after they said they would start trading with China more and build a bridge or something? Idk, I’ve not really been paying attention.

But like with all tariffs, the consumer ends up baring the brunt of the increased cost. As Democrat Gregory Meeks put it, “Not only have these tariffs done immense harm to our relationship with Canada, pushing them closer to China, they have driven up prices here at home.” But then he would say that, wouldn’t he?

We’ll just have to wait and see how this plays out and whether it’s a sign of things to come in the midterms but until then, imma stock up on maple syrup and hockey pucks.

Sorry, ‘offer’, I meant ‘offer’. What did I say?

Paramount has increased its hostile takeover bid by $0.25 per share which might not sound like a lot but actually it is.

Paramount will also pay shareholders for each quarter the translation is not closed beyond December 31st (basically for a late fee) and pay the $2.8 billion termination fee to Netflix. Ok, now those are looking like big numbers.

WBDB is going to review the offer and get back to them. So can the Ellisons just keep throwing money at this and get what they want?

WBDBDB haven’t amended their recommendation to take Netflix’s offer and bear (bare?) in mind that they have already accepted the Netflix deal.

But will the Ellisons just keep raising there offer up and up until they get what they want?

And why do they even want it so bad anyways?

Paramount Importance

I’ve heard that the real reason they want WDBB is because they really want CNN which will be spun off if Netflix buys it. But then can’t Paramount just buy it off Netflix when its spun off? Apaz part of the theory is that Paramount want CNN before the midterm elections and we’re deep into machiavellian plot stuff now.

Because if Trump’s best friend Larry Elison can get his son to own one of the biggest news corps in America he’s going to have a lot of influence on the history of the planet.

The con is on.

But who knows what’ll happen. It all remains to be seen. Watch this space.

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All you can eat Buffett

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