Trump’s Top 5 Negotiation Tips For Winning Saudi Investment

President Donald Trump is in Saudi Arabia for his first overseas trip this term. “That’s an odd choice for your first diplomatic mission,” I hear you say, and you might be right, but as the great Buddha once said, “The mosquito favors the flesh, not the stone.”

Trump’s hitting up MBS for his bank, not his small talk, and you can too! With these simple tricks right out of the Trump playbook, you too will be walking away with that sweet, sweet Saudi cash in no time.

1. Quid Pro Quo

I don’t speak Latin, but I think it means something like ‘pro’s know you’ve got to do a ‘lil give and take’ and that’s exactly what Trump’s up to here. America needs money (who doesn’t?), and Saudi Arabia wants to diversify its economy. They’re investing trillions into various mega projects (remember NEOM? What the hell even was that?) and maybe, if we’re lucky, America might just be MBS’s next big plaything.

2. Make Your Presence a Present.

Trump is in Saudi Arabia, just a few months away from MBS’s 40th birthday (I too celebrate a few months early). Now this might not seem significant, but this way Trump can bring a ‘lil gift, say ‘haps to the b-town’, that kind of thing, and then suddenly the begging doesn’t seem like begging anymore.

3. Make Dealing An Art

Now, if you’ve read ‘The Art of the Deal’ like I haven’t, then you’d know that making a deal is an art. An art form, in fact, and Trump’s the Michelangelo of dealing. Not cards, mind you, but money deals. So I say go in with that kind of mindset. You’re not a business guy, you’re a painter. You’re an artist. You’re a visionary, and no one can question your vision.

4. Invite Your Buddies

There’s no reason why you can’t share the love, and if they want that Saudi dollar, they should get that Saudi dollar. Bring along Elon, bring along Blackstone CEO Stephen Schwarzmann, bring along BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, bring along Citigroup CEO Jane Fraser, bring along Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang, bring along IBM CEO Arvind Krishna, bring along Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg, bring along Amazon CEO Andy Jassy, bring along OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, bring along Alphabet CIO Ruth Porat, bring along Bridgewater Associates founder Ray Dalio, bring along Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi and hey, bring along LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman, why not? There’s no way that will be overwhelming.

5. Make A Blood Sacrifice To The Starless God Aeyloshkhal

Now, personally, I do this before every business deal, business meeting and Zoom call with my mom and it gets results! It doesn’t have to be a goat or anything, it can be a small child, a rat maybe, but you have to give something up. You have to give something up. Aeyloshkhal will not accept a poor offering. You want Saudi money? You want joy? You want success? Remember that all comes from Aeyloshkhal and no other.

For more money making tips, read here: Buffett Just Cashed Out $300B Then Retired, Here’s How He Pulled It Off