Trump Accidentally Ends Cold War

President Elected, Donald Trump has officially ended almost a century of Cold War tensions between Russia and America seemingly by accident.

In an effort to end American spending on aid for Ukraine (and in no way influenced by Russian propaganda), Trump has opted for a softer approach on Putin, a U-turn on decades of US foreign policy. But hey why not? ‘If it ain’t fixed, break it’.

For months, Trump has criticized Ukrainian Volodymyr Zelenskyy calling him, “A terrible replacement for the voice of Paddington.” Additionally, the White House instructed its UN envoy to vote in favor of Russia in two UN resolutions that they all agree that ‘war is bad’, whatever that means.

Donald Trump is expected to accept his Nobel Peace Prize on Monday.

For all you history nerds, you might not know but the Cold War was a period of political tension between Russia and America beginning in 1947. The war is so named because unlike during the ‘hot’ war of World War II, slightly fewer people died during the ‘cold’ war of the Cold War. Although the war ended in 1991, modern politics is fundamentally shaped by the conflict and Putin himself has worked hard to bring it back, baby.

However, Donald Trump has stopped Putin in his tracks and, in a surprise plot twist, sided with the dictator. So now America’s enemy is its friend which means that its friend’s enemy is its friend. … Either way, France isn’t happy or something.

French President (still) Emmanuel Macron recently met with American President (still) Donald Trump to do a cool handshake and correct him on details of Ukraine funding. Whether France will become part of Russia in the negotiations or not is still very much on the table.

Whilst it is true that the Cold War and Donald Trump are roughly the same age there is no truth in the rumor that both are connected by an invisible life force. Yes, there is a prophecy foretelling of the arrival of an “orange dawn that shalt warm the war of frost” but there is no way of knowing to whom this refers.

Russian propagandist, Dimitri Bolocolov commented that he was dismayed to hear that Cold War II was coming to an end but, “I will continue to Tweet as @americanpatriot69, he has become part of me and I cannot give him up,” he said.