Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

Errr. Israel has declared war on Sweden in a move strategists are calling, “Really very stupid.”

Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu announced the invasion this morning following a preemptive air strike using extra-long rockets so they could reach further. Tanks are reportedly on their way but are currently driving through Lebanon so it’ll take a while for them to get there.

Swedish forces were fast to respond, destroying their pagers and assembling flatpack munitions in a matter of minutes. However, missing hex keys are holding back a full retaliation as generals search junk drawers for the right size.

The international community responded with bewilderment to the development. “What?” said US diplomat Justin ‘Cheeky’ Chavez, “Who are we supposed to send arms to now? Both sides? I mean, I guess we could do that. We’d need to check if Amazon ships to Sweden.”

Iran, now dazed by Israel’s unprecedented tactic, expressed similar confusion. “My enemy’s enemy is my friend, but what if my enemy’s enemy is my friend’s enemy? Is my friend now my enemy? Am I my own enemy?” Iran then promptly declared war on itself.

‘Why?’, ‘For what purpose?’ and, ‘To what end?’ are also good questions, to which analysts have speculated that maybe Israel had a world map folded over and thought Sweden was much closer. Other theories suggest Israel is applying the ancient military tactic of ‘bamboozle’, a risky strategy involving making the least expected move, especially if it’s a very bad one.

Some have suggested more novel explanations such as amateur historian and massive nerd, Derbert Monfreese, who explained the move by saying that, “The Bible doesn’t clarify the exact coordinates of the promised land so who’s to say it isn’t in Scandinavia?” Everyone, Derbert, that’s who’s to say. That makes no sense, Derbert, shut up.

The United Nations has condemned the Swedo-Israeli conflict in a new statement, “Come on, guys, this is just all too complicated now. Alright, new rule, everyone gets to fight one war at a time and that’s it, OK? No exceptions.”

In response to the new, ‘only one war’ rule, Israel then floated the idea of having just one mega-war, a ‘world’ war, if you will, that everyone could join and no one would miss out on. Germany vetoed the motion.