Millions Of Americans Wake To Find Sky Slightly More Orange Than Normal

This morning, millions of Americans arose from their beds, ran downstairs with glee, and threw open their curtains to gaze out on the brand new light of Donald Trump’s second presidency. However, they were greeted with the ominous hue that Democrats tried to warn us about and Republicans had said would just be the beginning: orange.

It was only a little bit more orange, imperceptible at first, probably just a nice sunrise. But as the unsuspecting public continued about their day, they started to see that even as the sun rose, even as they went indoors, even when they shut their eyes, everything had the slightest of orange tints.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what’s going on,” claimed Daniel Arsogle, NASA’s head scientist. “I’m usually the guy in charge of making sure this kind of thing doesn’t happen, you know the sky stays blue, night is dark, that kind of thing, and let me tell you we have seen a chromatic fuck*p this big since that fuck**g dress.”

The White House has assured us that nothing untoward has occurred and that everything was always just a little bit orange you just never noticed it. “Who doesn’t like orange?” said White House spokesperson Pope Francis. “Vitamin C, delicious juice, cheeeeese? Name one thing bad that’s orange. Apart from him. Go on, I’ll wait.”

Although political experts like my step-sister’s boyfriend Anthony claim that Trump doesn’t even have the power to change the color of everything, Trump did elude to the change in his inaugural address, “A tide of change is sweeping the country. Sunlight is pouring over the entire world.” Additionally, a redacted three-word executive order uncovered by the Washington Post reportedly reads, “Tan the sky.”

It is unclear whether this order was carried out or even how. But many have claimed it’s definitely there.

“I for one think it’s great, like a new beginning,” said Jerry Cambustus, a 21-year-old Trump supporter. “It’s like the old saying goes, ‘It’s always darkest before the Don.’ That means it’s lightest after the Don(ald Trump, that is). To me, it’s like a sunrise or the afterglow of a hopeful dream.”

“To me, it looks more like a sunset. That or the apocalypse,” countered Myriam Ogshunt, a 46-year-old Democratic-Republican. “I’m afraid to leave my house. I’m worried it’s the end times. At first, I thought it was wildfires or a stroke but then I realized I couldn’t smell burning. It does feel like I spray-tanned my eyes but I’m not sure if that’s related.”

Whatever the cause or whether it even exists one thing is for sure, it’s now an orange world and we’re just living in it.