2026 | Wall Street Memes

That’s a great question, thanks for asking…

Anthropic! The minds behind your best friend, Claude, have just unveiled 10 finance-first AI tools, and so, in no particular order, here are our:

TOP TEN FINANCE-FIRST AI TOOLS UNVEILED BY ANTHROPIC:

Pitch builder, which, wait, let me guess, builds pitches?
Meeting preparer, err, does it… prepare meetings?
Earnings reviewer, reviews earnings, I presume?
Model builder, OK, it builds models. I get it.
Market researcher, it RESEARCHES MARKETS. I understand.
Valuation reviewer, reviews valuations, yes. I know. Are they all going to be named like this?
General ledger, I’m understanding the pattern now. It ledges generals.
Month-end closer, closes the month-end? What? What are you talking about?
Statement auditor, audits statements. OK, I think I know what that means…
KYC screener, KYC is ‘know your customer’, so this tool screens know your customers. Yeah. That makes sense.

Pretty useful stuff. Well, presumably useful if you’re a bank or other financial entity. And apparently these tools work across Excel, PowerPoint, Word, Microsoft 365 and Outlook (but not yet, hold your horses, they’re still working on that one).

But the question remains: is AI the future of finance? Well, that’s a great question, thanks for asking, but of course, we won’t know until the future arrives. Anthropic certainly thinks so, but they are an AI company, so they would say that.

A better question (but in much worse English) might be, is AI the present of finance? And to that the answer is: yes.

AI has already had a massive influence on the financial world, not only with the economic impact of the ballooning tech sector, but in the application of AI tools in finance. Trading and investment, underwriting, auditing, and anti-money laundering have all made use of bespoke AI tools.

In fact, finance was one of the first sectors to embrace machine learning technologies, beginning way back in 1987, “When Security Pacific National Bank launched a fraud prevention task-force to counter the unauthorized use of debit cards.” At least that’s according to my buddy John Wiki Pedia.

So AI has very much been a part of the finance world’s past and present. If you had to guess, it seems a safe bet to say AI will be part of finance’s future too.

TLDR: Yes.

The world’s richest man, Elon ‘The World’s Richest Man’ Musk, has announced that his AI company xAI will completely merge with his rocket company SpaceX to form the obviously-named ‘Xaispace’.

Sorry, no, I got that mixed up…

Since xAI already merged with ‘the social media platform formerly known as Twitter’ (X), the new company will acknowledge this legacy and be named SpaceXX(formerly known as Twitter)xAI. Or SpaceXXXAI for short.

Except… that domain is already taken by an incredibly not safe for work website, so we’re just going to go with SpaceXAI for now.

Is that all clear?

Great. Now, you might be asking, what do AI and space have in common? Well, other than both being a soulless void, space could easily be the next frontier for AI investment. You see, if no one in Texas wants an AI datacenter, we have to look somewhere else that has lots of space.

And there’s only one space with more space than Texas:

Space.

Yes, the grand plan is to deploy orbital datacenters to handle Earth’s growing AI usage. And if that all sounds like science fiction, well, it is until it happens, but Blue Origin and Microsoft are all looking in the same direction:

Up. (Space.)

We’ll just have to wait and see how this merger will affect SpaceX’s upcoming IPO but if things stay on track, SpaceX is due for a massive $1.75 TRILLION valuation with a little bit of xAI sprinkled in to sweeten the deal.

Sorry, sorry, I said ‘SpaceX’ again. Old habits. I MEANT to say:

SPACEXX(THE SOCIAL MEDIA FORMER KNOWN AS TWITTER)XAI/TESLA/GROK/DOGEIMUSMAXIMUS

The risk to the American public is “extremely low,” said the CDC

After an outbreak of the very-scary-sounding ‘hantavirus’ on the luxury cruise ship MV Hondius (which also sounds like a disease tbf), a number of passengers have now returned to their respective countries, including… America. Oh shit, that’s here!

Reportedly, the states of Georgia and California are monitoring residents who aren’t showing signs of illness.

It’s also worth noting that hantavirus only spreads from rat to human, not human to human (except in the rare cases of the Andes strain, but we just won’t mention that). So this is great for everyone and not so great for my cousin Björn, who works at a ‘rat zoo’ which I’m not sure is even a thing, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him kissing the rats a couple of times, and I said that was disgusting, but I’m pretty sure he still does it.

Anyway, three people died during the outbreak. Although only two are actually confirmed to have had the virus.

Rats.

In a statement, the CDC (Centers for Disease Control (why is that plural?)) said, “The Department of State is leading a coordinated, whole-of-government response including direct contact with passengers, diplomatic coordination, and engagement with domestic and international health authorities.”

‘Whole-of-government’? Not sure how the National Nuclear Security Administration is going to be much use here, but by all means, let them weigh in on this one.

The ship had passengers from 23 countries, consisting mostly of crew from the Philippines but including people from the UK, US, Spain, the Netherlands, Germany, should I list them all? Ok, fine, I’ll list them all: France, Ukraine, Canada, Australia, Turkey, Belgium, Ireland, India, Greece, Japan, New Zealand, Argentina, Poland, Russia, Portugal, Montenegro and GUATEMALA!

And the ship was sailing from Argentina when the outbreak suddenly occurred. Some passengers have already been evacuated but most are still onboard and will be quarantined when they arrive in Tenerife on May 9.

Stay tuned to see how this plays out.

In a collab advert (a ‘collad’ if you will), FOX Sports, FOX One and Indeed are doing a cross promotion to promote their separate services across each other, promotionally.

The advert is billed as “a nationwide search to fill the position of “FOX One Chief World Cup Watcher Hired Through Indeed” – a dream job for cultural moment fanatics across the country.” Well, as a ‘cultural moment fanatic’ myself, this sounds very exciting indeed.

And to add to the excitement, this is being billed as a real job paying a massive $50,000 salary to watch all 104 matches across the 39-day tournament. The winner will be tasked with live-streaming the World Cup from “their personal office – a custom-built, dream viewing space in the heart of New York City’s Times Square.”

And all using the FOX One streaming platform, of course.

How To Apply

So first, you need to have an Indeed profile or make one (and there’s the rub).

Set it to “employers can find you.”

Then post a video on social media explaining why you’re right for the job with the hashtag #ChiefWorldCupWatcher.

So, you know, how you’d apply for any other definitely real job.

And If You Get The Role…

…It’s going to be an interesting one to put on the resume.

“Now I’m seeing a gap in your employment history here: it just says ‘watched the soccer’?”

“Oh, no, that was a job. A real job Hired Through Indeed™. I was paid $50,000 to sit on the couch and watch soccer for a month. It was real, I didn’t dream it, I swear!”

Though to be fair, at least one person’s getting paid. How many people have been doing this for free every World Cup, like a sucker? All this time, you could have been earning a fortune? Who knew.

Do you think they can backdate these payments…?

Damn, we really got $80 GTA 6 before GTA 6…

Take Two’s CEO, Strauss Zelnick, recently alluded to GTA 6’s price point at a video game conference and for some reason, this prompted Bank of America’s Securities Stock Analyst, Omar Dessouky, to weigh in.

“We also heard from attendees that the industry, which is perceived as struggling, would have difficulty selling games for $80 if GTA 6 came out at $70. We think it’s in Take-Two’s self-interest, as a publisher and partner to many developers, to raise the price point for the entire industry.”

And just to prove how in touch he is with the game industry, Dessouky doubled down on his point, saying that this high price point makes sense because “AI will raise the value of games to consumers.”

Of course, we don’t know what the price of GTA 6 will be, but for Zelnick’s part, he’s been saying that yes, game pricing does not reflect development costs…

“…If you look at it through that lens, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But that isn’t the lens through which we look. Instead, we look at… how do we deliver something amazing, and how do we make sure that what people pay for it feels very reasonable.”

So the question is, what’s reasonable?

Last year, Nintendo took the plunge with Mario Kart World, retailing at $79.99, $20 more than standard Switch games. The move was met with widespread criticism, but MKW went on to sell 14 million copies, so who’s laughing now?

This could really go either way. Rockstar certainly doesn’t need to charge $80. Everyone knows this game will be a hit and continue to be a hit for another decade after it’s been released. GTA 6 will likely make as much as a small country’s economy, no matter the price point.

And Take Two probably aren’t too fussed about the rest of the industry, no matter what BoA wants them to do. So the only question is, is it worth them squeezing the consumers just a little more?

I say go further, I say they should HIT ‘EM WITH A CROWBAR AND TAKE THEIR CAR TOO. IT’S THE GTA WAY!!!

Like… no?

Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, isn’t done yet and just announced his plan on X to become even richerer.

Replying to a Tweet (Xweet) that Musk will soon pass the $800 billion net worth milestone, Elon said simply, “$10T or bust.”

And look, the world is already bracing itself for the first ever trillionaire, let alone someone of ten times that value. For reference, only the US and China have GDPs higher than $10 trillion. Germany and Japan take third and fourth place, and they’re not even worth $10 trillion COMBINED.

According to Peter Diamandis, founder of the X Prize Foundation, Elon holds an estimated 2.7% of America’s GDP. The last person to do that was JD Rockefeller in 1913.

“Rockefeller had oil. Musk has the future,” says Diamandis.

And it’s true. With SpaceX’s upcoming IPO set to launch Musk’s wealth into the stratosphere, we could very much have the world’s first trillionaire on our hands.

But that’s not the only win that Elon’s been racking up lately. His ongoing civil case against OpenAI, has successfully hamstrung his AI rival for the foreseeable future.

And Musk recently settled on a different case, this time with the SEC, paying a fine of $1.5 million for failing (ALLEGEDLY) to disclose purchasing Twitter (ALLEGEDLY). Now that might sound like a lot of money, but it’s peanuts compared with his net worth and the $150 million that the SEC was originally trying to hit him with. Big W for the ‘Lon.

So will Elon Musk successfully sue OpenAI? Will he reach one trillion? Ten trillion? Or will he go completely bust? There’s only one way to find out… wait and see.

Did they really think they could buy eBay?

Michael Burry, the investor made famous in The Big Short, just sold his entire position on GameStop, bringing to an end one of the greatest crossover episodes of all time.

Since 2019, Burry has been involved in the GameStop saga, but after the game retailer’s CEO, Ryan Cohen, suggested they could buy eBay for $56 billion, Burry pulled out and GME’s stock plummeted 10%.

Come on guys, everyone knows you should only make your final bid in the last minute.

Burry’s retreat was announced on his Substack newsletter, ‘Cassandra Unchained,’ in which he explained that GameStop is simply going to be saddled with a lot of debt should the deal go through.

“Wall Street does indeed mistake debt for creativity, and does so constantly,” Burry wrote. “I of all people should have known.”

Burry does, however, “support the effort” to combine the platforms and capitalize on the billion-dollar collectibles market. He just doesn’t think GameStop’s financial structure can take the weight.

And hey, this might all be hypothetical anyway, as eBay will likely “reject GameStop’s offer out of hand” according to Burry.

So what you’re saying is… so you’re saying that this deal is already… dead and Burry-ed?

Alright, alright, I’ll let myself out…

Jimmy-boy Cramer is at it again with his nefarious predictions, and this time he’s turning on AI.

“Lately, we’ve been seeing parabolic moves all over the market,” said our modern prophet, “Those are worrisome.”

He’s specifically talking about the Philadelphia Semiconductor Index (aka SOX), which has been up 18 times in a row, jumping 46% in total. The best month in the index’s history, second only to February 2000…

…Does that date sound familiar by any chance?

Well, it does to Jim Cramer, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley, who are all warning of a bubble-burst similar to the dot-com crash.

But when was Jim ‘Reverse’ Cramer ever right?

“I don’t want to overreact,” he said, overreacting. “But we’ve been taking some action around the edges.”

He’s trimming some AI positions in his Charitable Trust, although he does still recommend Arm Holdings to people, but that’s because he has shares in Arm Holdings, wait, what?

“Trim some winners…don’t chase the parabolic stuff…and let’s wait to see if we have a more benign pullback from these wild past few weeks.”

‘What goes up must come down,’ basically, and I guess you don’t need to be a prophet to work that one out.

No one knows. Obviously. What do you think ‘classified’ means?

Google ($GGLE) has amended its contract with the US Department of War to allow the government to use Gemini on classified networks for “any lawful government purpose.”

This ironically comes the same day that Google ($GLE) pulled out of a $100 million prize challenge to build voice-controlled autonomous drone swarms. Like an egg-drop but only slightly more explosive.

The company pulled out of the challenge after an internal ethics review, but a similar review wasn’t heeded for this new contract. Over 600 Google ($GG) employees signed a letter urging CEO Sundar Pichai to reject the deal for fear of misuse.

And this misuse to which these employees refer is the requirement that Google ($G) modify its AI safety settings and filters whenever the government asks for it.

But don’t worry! In the contract, the government can’t use Google’s ($) AI for mass surveillance or autonomous weapons “without appropriate human oversight and control.” Oh, well, that’s fine then. And Google ($GOOGLE) doesn’t have “any right to… veto lawful government operational decision-making.”

Alongside OpenAI and xAI, Google ($GOOO) now joins a long line of AI companies working directly with the government, with the notable exception of Anthropic, which is currently battling the Pentagon for independence.

Fighting a war against the Department of War? All I can say is ‘good ($GD) luck’!

Everyone’s favorite AI startup, Anthropic, is weighing up raising funds that would value the company at more than $900 billion, more than double its current valuation. Just crazy numbers.

Obviously, this is just talk for now, and the offers are preemptive at the moment, but they could raise around $50 billion, putting Anthropic at $850 billion to $900 billion.

Considering that Anthropic was valued at just (‘just’ lol) $380 billion back in February’s $30 billion funding round, this would be an insane boost for the company. $900b would put Anthropic above OpenAI’s $852b valuation, making it the most valuable AI startup in the world.

Makes you wonder at what point we can keep calling these companies a ‘startup’?

The board will decide whether they’ll go through with the funding round next month. But if it were up to me, I wouldn’t say no to a cool $50 billion, but that’s just me.

But it’s NOT up to me. And there’s a good reason why. Because all this money looks great, but what if you could hold out for even more money?

That’s exactly what Anthropic’s been doing, spurning previous investment proposals at an $800 billion valuation, even as Google and Amazon are circling to invest. Anthropic clearly hopes this hype will boost its value and could easily hold out for a higher number.

On the other hand, some recent negative press might sour Anthropic’s prospects. In the past month alone, hackers broke into Anthropic’s super-secret Mythos AI, Nvidia pulled its funding, and the AI company’s relationship with the Pentagon has seemingly soured.

So who’s to say what number the Claude creator will end up with, but all we know for sure is that it’s going to be big.

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That’s a great question, thanks for asking…

TOP TEN FINANCE-FIRST AI TOOLS UNVEILED BY ANTHROPIC:

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