With just a few days away from election night both presidential candidates have been ramping up their appearances and political rhetoric but there’s one man who’s looking forward to ramping down.
Local man, Tony Fallose has been following both election campaigns closely ever since they began back in a few weeks ago.
“I don’t even like politics, I just feel like I have to and it’s there, I guess,” explained Fallose in an unverified statement. “But then the more you read the more you start to form an opinion, then you get invested and before you know it it’s the only thing you can think, talk, or dream about. It’s like a baseball game that you can’t help but look at because you paid tickets to go see it.”
Tony works a regular job, just like you or me, he has a pet turtle called Oblong, just like me or you, and takes his daily COVID vaccine, just like you or I. But unlike I or you, Tony Fallose is looking forward to when the politics is over and he can return to his true passion: thinking about birds.
“I’m just sick of it, you know? Every day there’s politics. Every day! It’s exhausting. The name-calling, the war, the other war, the economics, the pretending to be interested in my taxes. No one likes economics, are you kidding me? I can’t wait for it to be over then I can just sit here and think about birds.”
“Falcon. Partridge. Rhinoceros hornbill. Now those are things people like. I don’t care about other people, what, you think I want to think about illegal immigrants or Kentucky coal miners or Tim Walz? No. I want to think about how the Florida Grasshopper Sparrow tends to have darker plumage and a larger bill than the Grasshopper Sparrow.”
Mr. Fallose will likely achieve his goal of thinking about birds come November 5th however he seemed unaware that the politics would in fact continue after the election.
“You’re kidding me, right? Then what the hell am I voting to end? Next thing you’re going to tell me that they’ll do this again in four years’ time… wait, THEY WHAT?!”
