Trump Successfully Blackmailed The EU, Here’s How He Did It

President Donald Trump has reached what is being called the largest trade deal in history since the last one. This time, it’s with the EU, agreeing to reduce the threatened tariffs down to 15% in return for massive investments in sectors like US energy.

Most commentators are calling this a W for Trump and an L for the EU, so what exactly did he have on them?

Below are the top five pieces of dirt that Trump has on the EU.

5. A Trade Deficit

OK, this isn’t exactly blackmail material, but Trump went in knowing that the EU was selling more than the US was. Now I’m no economist, and I can only understand two numbers at a time, so to me that looks bad. And that’s just what Trump went in there to fix, and it looks like he did, so good job, Don.

4. Ukraine

This one’s more Russia’s blackmail material, than Trump’s but Putin’s got ‘em in a chokehold and say what you will about the Yugoslavian navy, the EU needs American military support. Holding that back was a no brainer in this negotiation. And the EU wanted to keep Uncle Sam sweet in the event of a nuclear war.

3. Steamy Pics of Angela Merkel

Trump’s Ace in the Hole (if you’ll excuse the golf pun). Don-Don’s been hiding this for just the occasion but reportedly, he’s had incriminating pics of the former German chancellor for decades. Yeah, she might be retired but her shadow looms large and that’s the kind of press that old Ang can’t afford to stomach right now.

2. A Latvian Princess Held Hostage 

Many a mustache has been twirled over the capture of Princess Egglisea Henklebergen III during the Latvo-Prussian conflict of last year. But now Europe wants her back and they will settle for any can of tariff rate to get her. You best believe Trump wheeled her out chained to a sack barrow to get what he wanted.

1. The Epstein List

The big one. Trump’s got it on his desk and boy does it contain some European leaders that’s for sure. Now, negotiators reportedly tried to play the Pres’s bluff, knowing that he’d be just as incriminated. But that’s just the Art of the Deal baby. If Trump goes down then all of Europe’s going down with him.

So, with all that dirt on the EU, how could they not agree? Now we’ll just have to wait and see what the Don has up his sleeve for China…

For more on this story, click here: US Economy ‘Out Of UNO Reverse Cards’ Following Trump Tariff Block