US Economy ‘Out Of UNO Reverse Cards’ Following Trump Tariff Block

The United States economy has officially run out of UNO Reverse Cards, according to a leaked Federal Reserve memo released early this morning. This comes just hours after the US trade court blocked the sweeping tariffs of one, President Trump, saying that he had ‘exceeded his authority’ as Ultimate Emperor of all the Universe.

This comes as a blow to Trump, who had his next five decades of 5-dimensional chess moves planned out. But as the ruling represents a reversal of a reversal of a reversal of a reversal on the tariffs, many economists are saying that reserves of reverses are now at a critical low point.

“For years, we’ve been able to respond to every global economic slap with a hearty ‘NO U,’” explained Fed Chair Jerome Powell while nervously flipping through an empty deck of colorful cards. “But now, we’re all out of reverses, skips, and we accidentally played our last Draw Four on Canada.”

Tarot Cards Not Working Either

The crisis deepened after the Department of Commerce attempted to reverse the tariff block by tweeting “+2 China, your move.” Unfortunately, China responded by slamming down a counterfeit Wild Card and banning all imports of American-made cars, movies, oil, steel, jeans, whiskey, ideas, memes, and problematic Alpha-Male influencers.

In response, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent held an emergency press conference, where he proposed introducing a new economic stimulus package consisting entirely of Monopoly money and unopened Pokémon booster packs.

“At this point, they’re both less volatile than the dollar,” he admitted while aggressively bubble-wrapping a holographic Charizard for national reserves.

Trump, ‘Keeping Cards Far From Chest’

President Trump, reached for comment at his self-declared “Oval Office” in the Mar-a-Lago breakfast buffet line, defended the move. “I play 8D chess, 4D UNO, and 2D checkers. These tariffs are tremendous. China’s been playing Draw Two for years. Well, now they’re gonna draw these hands,” he declared while attempting to trade a pancake for stock in GameStop.

When asked whether he had considered the economic fallout, Trump responded, “Look, if the economy needs more cards, I’ll print them myself. Executive Order: every American gets one Reverse Card. Boom. Solved.”

As of press time, the U.S. economy is still floundering to come up with a strategy now that it can no longer UNO-reverse its way out of global economic disputes. The Fed is reportedly considering borrowing cards from Canada, but negotiations stalled after Canada requested a formal apology, which we’re obviously not going to do.

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Disclaimer: This article is satire and should not be used as financial advice unless you get tips from your cousin who “almost bought Bitcoin in 2012.”