November, 2025 | Wall Street Memes

No: It’s Fine.

Ngl, turns out this headline was a day old when I banked it and now Bitcoin has risen back up again above $100,000 so we’re fine I guess.

The ORIGINAL value slide came about, though, because all risky assets were hit in favor of more stable monetary monies. Why even that though? Well there’s been a lot of talk about an AI bubble but eh, who knows, there’s a lot of talk these days, who knows. Me? No, I know nothing, I’m just paid to pretend I know what I’m talking about… what was I talking about…

Oh yeah, so Bitcoin fell 5%, down below $100,000 for the first time in four months, BUT now it’s bounced back again above so who cares.

Bitcoin graph — please enjoy this slightly blurry graph of information

Solana and Ether was also down. Are you going to ask about our coin? The WSM Token? You want to know about that price? No one ever cares about our crypto but we have our own crypto guys and it’s really cool. Yes, it’s pretty much worthless. Yes, it was all a big joke from the beginning but still, it would be nice if you asked about it every once in a while…

I’m looking at it now and Bitcoin’s at like, $103,195 so yeah, you’re fine. That’s still below it’s atl of 126, but who cares you know up is up and nothing can take that away from me.

Bitcoin? More Like Shit Coin

“The main driver was stronger-than-expected data, alongside growing speculation that the government shutdown might come to an end soon,” the analysts said. Which analysts? Well, I’m just copying this from another article that I haven’t read so honestly don’t ask me.

I mean, Jesus Christ, if you’re really relying on a website called Wall Street Memes for your financial information, you should probably take a good, hard look in the mirror, son.

You know what? Fuck it, here’s the rest of that article just copied and pasted from Yahoo Finance, where you should probably be instead of here:

Fundstrat head of digital assets Sean Farrell said on Monday that “whale selling,” or investors with large holdings, had risen over the past few weeks.

“Whales — they continue to hammer price,” he said, noting that billions in bitcoin (BTC-USD) have recently been moved from private wallets to exchanges, presumably to be sold.

Simon Peters, crypto analyst for eToro, said in commentary on Wednesday that the fall in bitcoin (BTC-USD) “stemmed from the recent FOMC meeting, where Chairman Powell poured cold water on the idea of a December rate cut”.

Last week, the US Federal Reserve lowered interest rates by 0.25% to a range of of 3.75% to 4.00%. However, Powell said in press conference following the central bank meeting last week that another rate cut in December is “not a foregone conclusion – far from it”, dampening hopes of a reduction next month.

In addition, Peters said that bitcoin (BTC-USD) liquidations of $915m since the start of November had also contributed the recent fall in the token.

“While the pullback is likely to rattle some investors, volatility of this scale is not unusual,” Peters said. He highlighted that bitcoin (BTC-USD) had seen several drawdowns of over 30% in recent years, such as between January and April this year, when the price slid from $109,000 to $74,500, before soaring 70% to an all-time high of $126,300.

“Despite the current correction, bitcoin (BTC-USD) remains in a long-term uptrend, forming higher highs and higher lows,” he said. “Short-term catalysts such as renewed expectations for rate cuts or continued inflows into spot bitcoin ETFs [exchange-traded funds] could quickly cause prices to reverse and rally again very quickly.”

Cool, you happy now? You enjoy that? Yeah, me neither. Go home.

Peloton (PTON) just took a massive stock dip of 6% after the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (those snakes) reported that they were recalling 833,000 bikes.

The bikes in question are called the Bike+ (more like Bike minus amiright?), sold between Jauary 2020 and April 2025 but get this the recall was sparked by just three complaints.

Ok, yes, of those three complaints, two customers were injured, and yes, of those two injuries, one was fatal and yes, regarding that one fatal injury I did make up that last detail but 833,000 bikes, a massive amount of money and lord knows how much good will thrown down the drain? Phaw!

Peloton injury diagram — yeah you can freaking die from these things so let that be a lesson to ya

“The integrity of our products and our Members’ well-being are our top priorities,” Peloton spokesperson Stephanie Tackach said in an emailed statement to TechCrunch. “We are taking this opportunity to make replacement seat posts available to all affected Bike+ users and we encourage them to contact us to receive the redesigned seat post as soon as possible.”

Awks.

Peloton? More Like ‘Lost-A-Ton’

But really this is nothing. As you might remember, back in 2023 Peloton were forced to recall an insane 2.2 MILLION exercise bikes due to similar reports of injuries.

At this point maybe Peloton should just admit their whole scheme. Get everyone hooked on Peloton and then murder them.

Yes, there’s probably more efficient ways to bump off bike riders but don’t forget that Peloton is in the pocket of big automobile who started this whole brand to get cyclists off the road. The next logical step is to simply kill them.

…Don’t ask me for my sources!

I don’t have any related articles, so here’s an article that happens to have the word ‘bike’ in it: Trump’s Son-In-Law Buys Electronic Arts For $55bn

The OG GOAT, Warren Buffett, is ditching his Berkshire Hathaway stocks in favor of a massive cash reserve, and it’s getting people worried that cash = crash.

Buffett’s investment firm now has a record $381.7 billion cash stockpile, all tied down and waterproof for when the rain’s a-coming. Or hey, maybe this is just prudence, after all, the rest of the economy is up, Berkshire’s stock is down 2% so what do they know?

BUT… but, couple this with the latest news that Michael Burry was also seen stocking his fallout shelter, and well, we might have cause to worry.

The famed investor depicted in the Big Short movie disclosed his short position of $1.1 billion against Nvidia and Palantir stock, a sure sign that he thinks the AI bubble will soon burst.

Buffett-ed By The Storm

Orrrr, maybe it’s nothing, as this one article I found online explained it nicely, so I’m just going to copy it wholesale:

““If you feel like stocks are expensive, including your own shares, you’re eventually going to be right, but you can be wrong for a long time,” said James Shanahan, an analyst at Edward Jones who recently upgraded Berkshire to a “buy” rating. This echoes Buffett’s history of sitting on cash during frothy markets, only to deploy it during downturns — like the 2008 financial crisis when he snapped up bargains.”

…it’s not plagiarism when they’ve clearly used AI, right?

Buffett graph — Here’s a graph. Idk, is that useful to you at all?

Buffett (no relation to Jimmy) is due to step down as CEO of his investment firm next May, probably because he’s 95… NINETY FIVE?? Wtf guy? Five years off one hundred and he’s still investing? Still got the moves? Still hustling? Bro, you have enough money, it’s ok, you can retire…

So who’s to say what will happen? Since we’re not big-shot investors, the best we can do is keep our fingers crossed and hope we don’t see ‘The Big Short 2: Electric Boogaloo’ in theatres any time soon.

Tesla shareholders are meeting in Austin, Texas right now with the course of history in their hands: will Elon Musk quit the company as nothing more than the world’s richest man? Or will they give him a trillion dollars and make him even more the world’s richest man?

Either way, this article will probably be out of date by the time you read it.

We’re talking about the hotly contested pay package that, if Elon can make Tesla hit its targets, will grant him up to $1 trillion dollars in United States money (dollars).

That’s a pretty hot bribe, so hot in fact that if the shareholders vote to take it away from Musk, he might just take his ball and go home.

Shit, I wish I could get a trillion dollars just from threatening to leave my job, wait, let me try it…

…no. They said I was welcome to quit and I just shrivelled and said in the smallest, most pathetic voice, ‘noooo, thank you, I’ll staaayyyy’…

Elons For A Pay Rise (Get it? like, ‘he longs’, Elon… no?)

Anyways. I know a trillion sounds like a lot but it’s not like they’re physically handing him over a football field’s worth of stacked dollar bills. No, we’re talking about a 423.7 million shares, which are worth about a trillion dollars. So that’s all fair then.

And all that’s only if Tesla can reach a market cap of $8.5 trillion, which, come on guys, that’s a little ambitious. Nvidia, which is way more important than you, only just reached 5 trill. Apple, freaking Apple, is still only worth half of what you’re projecting.

Elon Tesla Pay Package — I ain’t reading all that but I assume it’s a good thing.

So yeah, I think this is all pretty academic, especially when recently Tesla’s sales have slumped, profits have crashed and they face ongoing challenges from China, China, and China.

But it’s fine because Elon has a plan: pivot to making robots, robotaxis and fast food joints. Yeah, that’ll work…

So it’s unlikely Elon will get his trilly from this vote at least even if it does go through but hey, ‘Elon could earn a trillion dollars’ makes for a pretty catchy headline, I mean, you clicked on it, didn’t you?

Here’s a riddle: how does a non-profit make a profit?

That’s what OpenAI is currently wrestling with. They are now simultaneously the most valued startup in the world at half a trillion dollars, the flagship of the AI boom, but also they haven’t made any money yet. …what a conundrum.

The current roadmap for the company is to spend far beyond its revenue and the question becomes, how?

Well, recently OpenAI’s CFO Sarah Friar said they might find a solution “looking for an ecosystem of banks, private equity, maybe even governmental” partners and that there are many “ways governments can come to bear” which “can really drop the cost of the financing but also increase the loan-to-value, so the amount of debt you can take on top of an equity portion.”

The interviewer asked if that was like a federal subsidy, to which Friar said she meant, “the backstop, the guarantee, that allows the financing to happen.”

OpenAI? More Like Open A Bank Account

Cool, simple, so the American public can foot the bill basically, oh no wait… SCRATCH THAT.

Friar has since walked back her comments in a post on LinkedIn, writing, “I want to clarify my comments earlier today. OpenAI is not seeking a government backstop for our infrastructure commitments.”

“I used the word “backstop” and it muddied the point. As the full clip of my answer shows, I was making the point that American strength in technology will come from building real industrial capacity which requires the private sector and government playing their part.”

Smooth positive pivot there.

“As I said, the US government has been incredibly forward-leaning and has really understood that AI is a national strategic asset.” …Aaand a final pivot to ass-kissing. Stuck the landing, well played PR team.

OpenAI Linkedin post — “3rd”? Sarah, I invited you to my wedding. ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST.

Ah, ok, fine, fine fine. So what is the plan then? Well, OpenAI’s already in talks with Microsoft to help them go public and obviously they’re not short of private interest. So we can only wait and see how that plays out.

But the Friar’s words might be prophetic if, as many fear, the AI bubble does burst we could see a crash like nothing we’ve ever seen and OpenAI would be at the wheel.

Sam Altman has his fingers in so many pies that if the pies explode, then who’s going to save his precious fingers?

It looks like the United States Government of America might just be that finger doctor after all…

What goes up must come down…

Michael Burry, famed investor of the Big Short fame was depicted by famous actor Christian Bale in the famous movie, the Big Short that depicted that one time he shorted the economy, is back with another big short and this time it’s even bigger than the last one.

Burry has bet $1.1 billion dollars in money on Nvidia and Palantir stock falling and then what happens?

BOOM.

7.95 points down. Burry, you’ve done it again you son of a bitch, you’ve reallly done it again.

More Palantir news: Palantir Stock Slumps 12% After Everyone Realizes No One Knows What The Company Does

Burry’s on a rampage on X, posting pictures of Christian Bale, declaring the bubble is about to burst and ringing a big bell screaming “the end is nigh.”

Michael Burry Tweet — Not sure what’s scarier, that face or the graph…

…I think he might be trying to tell us something…

“On Monday, he posted a chart titled “US tech capex [capital expenditure] growth is matching the tech bubble of 1999-2000” and another showing how growth in demand for cloud computing at major tech companies is slowing.”

Cool, cool, cool.

Michael Burry Tweet 2 — I can’t read all that because it’s blurry so I’m just going to assume it’s bad news

Burry Your Head In Your Hands

Tbh he’s not a lone Cassandra for once as many economists are pointing out parallels between now and 2008. Nvidia just capped at a $5 trillion valuation amongst plans to invest in every company. Similarly the US Government has placed big chips on this whole AI thing panning out.

It’s fine, if the bubble pops what’s the government going to do? Shut down? I got news for you sonny jim…

But here’s hoping Micheal is wrong this time (he was wrong two years ago tbf) and our whole economy isn’t doomed to implode in a fiery ball of chaos that makes a couple people rich but does spawn a killer movie.

For more Michael Burry shenanigans, read this: Jim Cramer Removes Michael Burry Mask He’s Been Wearing For Two Years

On January 1st, Zohran Mamdani will be sworn in as the youngest New York City Mayor and the second to have a successful rap career (Rudy Giuliani beatboxed for Run DMC).

M-a-m-d-a-n-i won one million votes and 50% of the vote (over Cuomo’s 42%), double the turnout four years ago and almost one million times the turnout from 400 years ago.

But here’s the problem, the guy’s a freakin’ commie and wants rent freezes, free buses for everyone, workers rights, all that garbage.

High-net-worth New Yorkers are already scouting luxury properties in Palm Beach and Miami, anticipating Mamdani’s tax hikes on the ultra-rich. Miami developers are pitching the area as a “sanctuary city” for fleeing millionaires, with relocation inquiries up 40% in the past week.

Upon accepting the award, the commie, Zohran delivered a commie speech laying out his progressive commie vision for NYC, shouting out brow-beaten workers, a taxi driver he once met, trans people, his wife, and a bunch more people that millionaires are afraid of.

And to Trump specifically, “We can respond to oligarchy and authoritarianism with the strength it fears, not the appeasement it craves. After all, if anyone can show a nation betrayed by Donald Trump how to defeat him, it is the city that gave rise to him. And if there is any way to terrify a despot, it is by dismantling the very conditions that allowed him to accumulate power. This is not only how we stop Trump; it’s how we stop the next one. So Donald Trump, since I know you’re watching, I have four words for you: Turn the volume up.”

Idc how you feel about him, those lines go pretty hard.

Mamdani? More Like, Commie

But for the Republicans shitting enough bricks to build a house right now, don’t worry, Mamdani was born in Uganda. Haha! Never gone-be president now. Unless… if Trump can run for a third term, maybe the rules can be rewritten so a foreigner can run too… But we’re getting very far ahead of ourselves.

Of course, Mamdani isn’t the only reason the pub-os (that’s what I call republicans) are a-quaking in their boots. Republicans were beaten at the ballot box by the likes of Democrats Abigail Spanberger and Mike Sherrill in a big vote of no-confidence in Trump’s presidency.

Trump responded on Truth Social saying, “…AND SO IT BEGINS!” Huh, OK, I guess he’s happy about it. Trump previously threatened to cut funding to New York if Mamdani wins. …can he do that? Wait, maybe the President is a bit too powerful.

For more updates on whether New York will still be standing by the summer, you know there’s only one credible source of information, that’s right: Wall Street Memes Dot Company.

How did the CEO of Reddit become a billionaire? What? How do you think? He’s the CEO of Reddit. That’s such a stupid question. You think the 7th most visited site on the internet just doesn’t make money? (Shut up, Wikipedia, I’m not talking about you.)

Look, it’s very easy, all you have to do is pitch “the front page of the internet” to investors with your college roommate in 2007, win a $12,000 grant, write the code in 20 days, gain another 100,000 dot-com-boom-dollars from investors, sell within 16 months for $10 million, quit, come back, turn the company around and then announce an earnings of $1.2 billion and a $38 billion market cap just last Thursday and BOOM, two decades later, you’re a billionaire.

It’s simple, really.

But yeah, that’s the story of Steve Huffman, who really played the long game on this one. Let’s hope he didn’t need that money for anything important.

We’re on Reddit. It’s just a thread of everyone calling us a scam, but still…

Now Huffman will join the prestigious club of the 3,028 billionaires in the world who just so happened to be the same 3,028 people on my own personal list of people who’ll be the first with their backs up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Damn, Huffman, maybe you should think long and hard about whether you actually want to be a part of this club… Anyway, what was I saying, oh yeah:

Reddit CEO billionaire hare and tortoise — I found this picture online and jesus christ it’s cursed.

The hare and the tortoise is a classic fable about the virtue of patience over prowess, even though that’s terrible advice for a race. Reddit CEO Steve Huffman is not the only billionaire tortoise, and many other richies have similar bedtime stories to tell.

Nvidia’s Jensen Huang also took two decades to secure his fortune, Netflix-guy Reed Hastings waited a similar timeframe for his winnings, and Figma CEO Dylan Field took a risk dropping out of college in 2012 but now he’s worth $5 billion dollars in US money.

It just goes to show that if you’re not rich now it’s not because you’re lazy, stupid and unoriginal it’s just because you’re playing the long game too.

Who knows? Maybe in a couple decades we’ll both be sitting in the club and we’ll see each other across the room and we won’t say anything, we’ll just smile, give a little nod and raise a glass.

The richest man in the world, Elon Musk, has just put his money towards the good cause of reshaping reality in his image in the form of ‘Grokipedia’. I’m reading it now, and you know what? I never knew this Elon fellow was such a nice man, but if an encyclopedia says he is, then I suppose he must be.

On the AI-powered site, Musk is painted as a noble philanthropist, changing the world for the better, fighting the good fight for free speech against the woke mind virus. At one point, Grok explains that, “Musk’s family dynamics reflect a decentralized structure across multiple households.” I guess that’s crypto-speak for ‘shitty dad’.

For the entry on Tesla’s Cybertruck (which doesn’t come up in the search when you type ‘cyber truck’ but I guess that’s my fault) Grok says that all the haters can shut up because “empirical delivery data shows sustained demand post-issues.” And that’s just a blatant lie. Cybertruck sales have bombed, sir.

January 6th was just a riot, Trump has no conflicts of interest, up is down and I don’t have a crippling fear of commitment. Maybe you should check some of those facts on Wikipedia… Oh, wait, you did?

ELDR; Elon, Didn’t Read…

Obviously, this is a response to Wikipedia, which Elon thinks is too woke, but Grok has copied the name, the logo font, and even whole articles word-for-word from the open-source encyclopedia. That’s bad, but it’s better than when it doesn’t copy and just makes shit up.

Also, if this is supposed to be a Wikipedia competitor, you would have thought it would operate the same, if not better, than the orig. But no, the search is clunky, there are no internal links to other articles (which is the fun part of Wikipedia), and there’s not even an entry for ‘beans’, so why bother?

A Wikipedia Foundation spokesperson responded to this response by saying, “Unlike newer projects, Wikipedia’s strengths are clear.” And founder Jimmy Wales said in a recent interview, “The day he said ‘defund Wikipedia’ we had a massive surge of donations, so I’m like, well, bring it, Elon.” Yeah, I don’t think they’re worried.

Elon Musk Grokipedia Tweet — I mean, if you’re collecting all knowledge, you might as well start by collecting all of Wikipedia…

The point remains, who is this for other than diehard Elon heads (that’s what they’re called, right?) and Musk himself. Well, the defective product isn’t really the point, like all of Musk’s defective products, it’s about messaging.

Elon imagines a technologically progressive but socially conservative future where the self-driving cars are shiny, the genders are binary, and Elon has total authority.

Grokipedia is an expression of that future. It’s not a product, it’s barely a proof of concept, what it is a piece of desperate propaganda that quietly screams, “THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH IS BEING BUILT AND ELON MUSK IS ITS ARCHITECT!”

Yep, the Amazon corp just got a 5% stock boost from the announcement that OpenAI will access hundreds of thousands of Nvidia graphics cards through its cloud computing service.

It seems that no one got the memo that this is the same cloud computing service (AWS) that shut down the entire internet just a few weeks ago.

The deal is just one of many that OpenAI made recently. $300 billion with Oracle. $22 billion with CoreWave. Plue the ink’s only just dried on agreements with Broadcom, AMD, Nvidia and my mate Nigel who has a basement that they can use if Sharon kicks them out again.

And it looks like OpenAI might need it soon because lady and gentleman, the bubble is at a-bursting point.

Nvidia just topped $5 trillion. OpenAI is about to be worth $1 trillion with barely any revenue (but hey, they are a non-profit). And everyone’s getting into bed with each other, assuring that if one drowns, they all drown (not sure why the bed’s in the ocean, but here we are).

Maybe at least one of those data points will change soon however as OpenAI have started to work with Microsoft to see if they can change to a for-profit.

Let’s just see how all this pans out…

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