BREAKING: Ukraine Makes Peace With United States

The war is finally over! After seemingly endless fighting, Ukraine has finally declared an end to the hostilities with its long-time rival, the United States of America.

On Tuesday, Ukrainian and US officials sat down and finally had a cordial discussion in which Ukraine agreed to accept, in theory, a potential 30-day ceasefire. Not with the US, with Russia, but hey ho, you have to start somewhere.

The US has now restored essential aid and intelligence sharing to the war-torn country, which was not in any way used to blackmail Ukraine in the first place. The agreement also mentioned the minerals agreement in which the US would get 50% of Ukrainian mineral export profits. Again, not blackmail.

The meeting marks a dramatic cooling of Ukraini-Americanio tensions that heated up during that awkward sit-down between the two countries’ leaders and also JD Vance for some reason. During the discussion, Zelensky was dressed down for dressing down and not saying thank you. You know, the way a parent might treat a petulant teenager… or a petulant teenager might treat their parent.

It remains to be seen whether the pleasantries will last or if J.D. will reemerge from under his rock and PILEDRIVE Americanic-Ukraino relations to oblivion once again but for now, for now we have peace.

Meanwhile, Russia has continued its air attacks on Kyiv and hasn’t shown any signs of accepting the agreement yet. However, now that Ukraine has America as its ally once again, President of the Country Donald Trump has said he would speak with Putin later this week. Hopefully, he doesn’t come out of that conversation with his mind changed back the other way.

US Secretary of State, Marco Rubio said, “the ball is now in [Russia’s] court,” and we would like it back please.

European countries have backed this hypothetical ceasefire agreement but then again they would wouldn’t they? Losers.

Do you think Russia should take the bait on this one? Let us know in the comments below!