Trump Fires Fed Governor, Powell Unlikely To Reach Apprentice Season Finale

President ‘The President’ Donald Trump has FIRED Federal Reserve official Lisa Cook, just like in that one TV show he was on, opening up a clear shot for Jerome Powell to get pow pow POWED!

Cook however said she would not resign and that Trump can’t fire her and that they’d have to get one thousand cheetahs to forcibly remove her from the premises if they wanted her gone.

But Trump says the constitution allows it and it’s all because Cook made false statements on her mortgage agreements. What? Don, Don, Don, Don, Don, I think you might need a long long look in the mirror if you’re gonna talk about frauding financial documents.

Lisa ‘Not Lizzo’ Cook is on the board of peeps that determines interest rates which is the main thing that Trump wants a-changing and he will stop a NOTHING, including breaking the law to change it.

She was also appointed by J’Biden, so there’s that.

Trump posted his letter to Cook on Truth Social (what does ‘truth social’ even mean?), claiming that Cook lied about where her primary residency was. “It is inconceivable that you were not aware of your first commitment when making the second,” Trump said.

What Trump forgets, however, is that I don’t care.

Markets reacting to all this with just a lil dip, just a lil one, but since the war’s heating up who knows what’s gonna happen as things progress. Maybe someone will die? Who knows?

“If Trump succeeds in replacing Cook, could he reshape the Fed’s composition and how would that impact the market’s perception on US investability?” said Julia Lee, head of client coverage for FTSE Russell. Oh my god please stop I already said I don’t care.

Jay Powell, if you’re reading this, we love you and miss you. Come home.

Right, that’s enough news. If you want to keep the party going, click here for our TOP 10 PICKS TO REPLACE JEROME POWELL!