Take A Look At Donald Trump’s Unhinged Morning Routine

This week fitness influencers have been going viral by releasing in-depth breakdowns of their intense morning routines. Now, Donald Trump has gotten in on the trend and the White House has released an official breakdown of the President’s morning routine.

Following in the hench, faith-filled footsteps of Mark Wahlberg’s intense regimen, read below to see how Trump’s routine has changed and manipulated time to make the most of his presidency!

4:15 Protein-rich Trump Steaks.

5:00 Wake.

5:01 Read favorite Bible verse, “[REDACTED]” whilst brushing teeth (for efficiency).

5:02 Finish brushing teeth. Rinse mouth with Coke.

5:14 Spit.

5:16 Cleanse palate with Pepsi.

5:17 Remove sleep clothes.

5:18 Step into shower.

5:28 Turn on water.

6:30 Leave shower.

6:31 Run 5k-pressup-combo.

6:45 Complete 5k-pressup-combo (new personal best).

6:50 Optional second 5k-pressup-combo (new personal best).

7:00 Plunge head in ice bowl.

7:01 Thank the troops.

7:02 Forgot to feed Eric his breakfast.

7:01 Feed Eric.

7:05 Oh, wait, I need breakfast too…

7:01 Trump Steaks.

7:05 Executive time.

7:13 Policy time.

7:14 Eastern Standard Time.

7:15 Enter War Room for a vital briefing on the crisis points of negotiating the Ukraine war peace agreement.

7:16 Scroll Truth Social.

7:59 Plunge head in ice bowl.

8:00 Leave war room briefing.

8:15 Begin course on Trump University to unlock all 110% of brain power (link in description below).

8:18 Cryo chamber recovery.

8:20 Trump Steaks (source of protein).

8:21 Cheeky lil catchup with ol’ pal Putin.

10:00 Text Putin about the call we just had.

10:30 Press conference assuring world that we’re on Ukraine’s side.

10:31 Leave press conference.

10:32 Conduct own secret press conference to mirror in bathroom (NOT SAD).

10:33 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:34 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:35 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:36 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:37 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:38 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:39 Plunge head in ice bowl.

10:58 Remove head from ice bowl.

10:59 Rub banana peel on face.

11:00 Meeting with J.D. (or golf depending on vibes).

11:30 Remove hostage tape from J.D.’s mouth.

11:31 J.D. says thank you.

11:32 Nod in response.

11:32 Keep nodding.

11:33 Wish Elon were here.

11:34 Think about those J.D. babyface memes.

11:34 Wish J.D. was an actual baby.

11:35 Call J.D. a baby.

11:36 Reapply hostage tape.

11:39 Leave.

11:40 Remove banana peel.

11:45 Work/work calls/meetings/work/(family time).

12:00 Begin nap until next day.

And that’s it! The White House said that although this looks like a morning routine this actually counts as a full day, so then he has two days in one day and 21 days a week.

As the official press release explains, “Stack it up over a month he’s gonna kick your butt. Stack it up over a year, you’re toast. Stack it up over five years his entire life is different than it would have been otherwise.”

But what’s your opinion? I for one find it eerily similar to my day. Do you think you could give the Trump routine a go? Get hench like the big boss? Let us know in the comments below!