Trump Declares War On Washington DC

The President (Donald Trump) has UNLEASHED the National Guard on our nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. (Detective Comics). In what many are calling January 6th mark two (January 7th if you will), Trump has pledged a crackdown on crime, homelessness, homeless crime, and criminal homeless people.

Trump has pledged a “public safety emergency” and sent 800 National Guard, hundreds of feds, and two kids with BB guns out over the weekend, even though crime is significantly down.

The real goddamn thing, though, is that big balls got carjacked. I’m not kidding, though. I feel like Trump wasn’t on this until big balls got carjacked. I’M NOT KIDDING! Big Balls™ was that 19-year-old former DOGE employee, and either he got carjacked or he defended a woman from getting carjacked, and he got beaten up bad, and there were pictures, and Trump spoke out about about, and now he’s all over this crime crackdown.

Like this is how it works, right? If you move into a new street and you hear it’s safe, but your first night someone gets shot on that street, you’re going to think it’s unsafe. Even if that’s the only crime that’s ever happened there and ever will, you’re going to feel it’s unsafe. Idk, what’s the word, there’s a word for it, where you just take one data point and extrapolate it for everywhere.

Yeah, Washington is pretty crimey, I’m sure, but Trump only got on this after this one attack, which isn’t emblematic of the whole city.

And that’s not even to say if the National Guard is actually going to solve crime idk, I don’t know nothing, but I feel like the strongarming stuff isn’t going to solve crime overnight, I feel like it’s more complicated. It’s just for the visuals, right? Looks like he’s doing something, right? We all see that, right?

It’s a flashy headline that makes him look strong and proactive, and then everyone reports on it and gives him a spotlight and buries the stories that make him look bad. Oh, shit, I’m writing about it. Damnit got duped again!

Darn you, Trump! *shakes fist politely*

For more Trump-dumps, read this one: Trump Successfully Blackmailed The EU, Here’s How He Did It