Trump To Demolish White House And Build ‘Gold House’ Instead

President Donald Trump has already started on the demolition of the East Wing of the White House in order to build his $250m ballroom so he can at last have somewhere to dance the YMCA in peace.

It would be the most significant change to the White House since the building was painted white to hide the fire damage in 1814, which didn’t actually happen and is just a myth.

The ballroom will be capable of hosting 650 people for state visits, parties, and will be flooded in the summer to depict naval battles.

Trump Needs His Balls

Demolition began on Monday and is expected to be completed by the weekend, with the whole ballroom planned for completion before Trump’s term ends. That would be nice, it would be really sad if they go through all of this and then he doesn’t get to use it. 🙁

The Society of Architectural Historians claims that “Such a significant change to a historic building of this import should follow a rigorous and deliberate design and review process.” Phhhfff, but what do they know? What are they, some kind of architectural historians? Get out of here.

The Chairman of the National Capital Planning Commission clapped back, saying that “I think any assertion that this commission should have been consulted earlier than it has been, or it will be, is simply false.” Yeah, you tell ‘em.

And also, if you’re worried about this costing taxpayer money, Trump says he’s raised the funds himself from wealthy donors, so you can all just shut up there too.

The West Wing Avoids Destruction, As It Was Already Cancelled In 2006

Trump’s team points out that every President has redecorated the building and put their own stamp on things. Yeah, sure, but we’re talking about a couple new drapes here and there, not demolishing a whole wing of a building. Obama just painted some new lines on the tennis court and hung up a hoop; you’ve ripped down a whole wing, they’re not quite the same.

Trump Oval Office Renovation Comparison — Note, Trump also renovated Zelensky’s wardrobe

The project follows a series of renovations, including paving over the rose garden (the roses are fine, calm down, it was just the lawn), yassifying the decor into Trump’s signature gold and, of course, the latest plan to build the Arc de Trump just over the river.

The ballroom, of course, is just phase one. After the East Wing is converted, Trump reportedly plans to demolish the West Wing, the North Wing, the South Wing, and then the Middle Wing and rebuild them again in exactly the same way but made entirely of gold.