FBI Paid $1 Million In Overtime To Redact The Epstein Files, Here’s What They’re Hiding

What do you mean? The FBI aren’t the kind of people to hide things…

Bloomberg has uncovered that the Federal Bureau of Investigation ($FBI) paid at least $851,344 dollars in money in March this year for 14,278 hours in overtime to the 934 agents redacting Epstein files.

For an extra few dollars, maybe they should have redacted this info too…

Obviously, no one can confirm or deny that the redactions were specifically to remove █████’s name… wait, that was weird. █████. █████! Wtf, why won’t it let me type t-rump’s name…?

Ohhhh…

And of course, there could be other details that the FBI are obliged to remove. Apparently, medical records, names, and other details about the victims can’t legally show up in the files once they’re published or something? I’m not going to check that though. Who do you think I am, Snopes?

Plus, the FBI can’t release anything that might compromise national security, such as the new Putin-seeking-missiles that Epstein was funding, or let’s say maybe someone has some evidence that incriminates the President of the United States of…

Ohhhh…

Of course, █████’s clearly not in the files since he signed the law to release the so-called ‘Epstein Files’. Now, why would a guilty man do that? 

█████’s smarter than all this, and he knows what he’s doing. He WANTS the files to be released, and he’s playing all of you.

Yes, for months he’s been publicly saying that the files shouldn’t be released, and yes, he had his attorney general and his head of the FBI claim that these files didn’t even exist, and yes, he called a reporter ‘piggy’ for some reason for even mentioning the files, BUT IT’S ALL A PLAY!

They can detail his close ties to a podophile. They can call him an adulterer. They can claim he had sex with a horse or Bill Clinton (whichever is worse), but it won’t matter.

You see, when the files get released and █████’s name is all over them, the American public will have no choice but to accept that Donald █████ is a real-life sex offender.

Finally, he’ll be able to be his true self. No more hiding, no more lies, it’ll all be out in the open, and there will be nothing anyone will be able to do.

What are you going to do, impeach him? Babe. He’s famous. He’s the most powerful person in the world. You’re going to unspool all that just because he’s a little bit of a sex pest? Because he’s committed a few crimes? Phhff.

We already know all that and he’s still in power, babe.

This changes nothing! NOTHING!

All that changes is that █████ will finally be able to ascend to his final form: a completely bulletproof man, impervious to any and all accusations, entirely unstoppable and ETERNALLY POWERFUL! AHHHH!!!!

So when these files get released and you see █████ start to glow and levitate, now you’ll know why.

Checkmate, atheists.

For more on this story: Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually