UK Prime Minister Tells Apple And Google To Scan Everyone’s Phones: Hide Your Screen Time
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The UK government has decided that the best way to keep children safe online is to confiscate everyone’s phone… Not really, but close enough.
In a move that has privacy advocates screaming into their encryption keys, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has issued a three-month ultimatum to Big Tech: figure out a way to block explicit images across entire devices, or the UK government will step in and do it for them.
Because nothing says “free world” like the government asking to inspect your digital trousers.
Tech Policy or Tech Policing?
Speaking at London Tech Week, Starmer basically told Apple and Google that they have until September to implement device-wide nudity filtering.
“I expect tech firms to make that happen,” Starmer said, a man who presumably struggles to convert a doc to a PDF. If they don’t comply, the UK is threatening to change the law, turning the entire country into an island where you can’t even text a spicy meme without a government hall monitor clearing it first.
Naturally, tech companies and digital rights groups are losing their minds. Signal, the encrypted messaging app that your most paranoid friend keeps trying to make you download, didn’t hold back. They dropped an open letter calling the requirements “dystopian” and pointed out that “surveillance is not safety”.
“We know that mass surveillance and censorship capabilities, however sincere-sounding the promises of those who initiate them are, never remain narrowly scoped.” – Signal
I preferred Big Brother when it was a show…
The government claims this won’t affect adults because it will only apply to children. The catch? The only way to prove you’re an adult is if everyone verifies their identity. Yes, you’ll soon need to hand over your passport data just to bypass a device-level nanny filter.
Related: Why the FBI is buying up your personal data
Silkie Carlo, director of Big Brother Watch, warned that this brilliant plan will result in “population-wide ID checks” and could turn your smartphone into a piece of government-mandated spyware. Over 400 scientists have already signed up to tell the UK to pump the brakes until someone actually figures out the math on how this does more good than harm.
But hey, if the UK completely breaks end-to-end encryption, at least the local VPN providers are going to make an absolute killing helping British citizens browse the web like it’s 1999. WSM VPN, anyone?
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Pen Smith - June 13, 2026
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