Real Floating Island Of Garbage Starting To Feel Left Out Of The Conversation

It’s been a rough couple of days to be a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean. On Sunday, a Trump rally comedian joked that Puerto Rico was a “floating island of garbage,” and today, Joe Biden snapped back, “The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporters.” Now, the real garbage island has finally broken its silence and opened up about becoming a political talking point.

“Yeah, I was shocked,” said the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, speaking for the first time on the incident. “I didn’t even know until the North Atlantic Garbage Patch texted me saying, ‘Girl you’re blowing up!’ So, I checked my phones (I have a lot of used phones) and at first I was insulted, but then I saw it was a joke and I said, ‘haha’ out loud.”

“I’m used to it, I’ve been called trash, I’ve been called a gyre vortex, I’ve been called 620,000 square miles across, so being called Puerto Rico doesn’t really bother me, I just tell myself it’s all just water under the trash island.”

Roast comedian Tony Hinchcliffe’s joke at Trump Madison Square Garden rally sparked backlash and calls to “Kill Tony”… Oh, no, wait that’s just the name of his podcast. Trump has since disavowed the joke, “I don’t know who it is… I don’t want anybody making nasty jokes or stupid jokes. Probably he shouldn’t have been there.” …Tough crowd.

However, the real patch didn’t mind the joke, “But then the President compared me to Trump supporters and I thought that was too far.” The GPGP is referring to Joe Biden’s slurred clapback at Hinchcliffe’s joke saying, “Well let me tell you something, I don’t, I, I, I don’t know 

the Puerto Rican that, that I know, or Puerto Rico where I’m fr- my home state of Delaware they’re good, decent, honorable people. The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporters, his, his, his demonization is seen as unconscionable.” …Real tough crowd.

“I can take the insults, but what really upsets me is that no one came and asked how I felt. I felt like garbage, which is normal, but yeah, not great. This stinks.”

The Garbage Patch says it feels left out to drift by the conversation but now plans to capitalize on this political momentum by announcing its plans to run for President in 2028.

“GOP GPGP 2028 MATA: MAKE AMERICA TRASH AGAIN!” it said in a now-deleted Tweet.