Trump Plans Own State Where He’s Always on the Ballot

Former President Donald Trump has announced his plans to establish a new state, named ‘Trumplandia’. This announcement comes hot on the heels of Maine’s decision to bar Trump from the presidential primary ballot, closely following Colorado’s lead.

“Maine and Colorado might not want him, but in Trumplandia, he’ll be on the ballot forever. It’s going to be tremendous,” an advisor declared from the gold-plated balcony of his Mar-a-Lago estate.

Trumplandia, as envisioned by Trump, will be a state like no other. Located somewhere between the realms of reality and the best bits of a Monopoly board.

The state’s constitution, reportedly being drafted on the back of a McDonald’s napkin, includes groundbreaking laws such as “The Donald is always right” and “Every day is Trump Day.”

The state’s electoral system is said to be revolutionary. “In Trumplandia, we have elections every week, and I win them all. It’s a fantastic system, really the best,” a spokesperson explained.

Political experts are baffled by this development. “It’s like he’s creating his own version of Disneyland, but instead of Mickey Mouse, we have Trump in a wig,” commented a political analyst who’s been following Trump’s career with a mix of horror and fascination.

As for the location of Trumplandia, sources close to the former president suggest it might be somewhere in international waters, possibly on a giant floating platform. “We’re not letting things like ‘international law’ or ‘basic geography’ slow us down,” a Trump aide said off the record.

In closing his announcement, the team assured Trump supporters that Trumplandia would be the greatest state ever. “It’ll be like nothing you’ve ever seen. We’ll have the best of everything – the best ballots, the best elections, and most importantly, the best president for eternity.”

Latest news

Marge Incall• December 29, 2023D

Trump Plans Own State Where He’s Always on the Ballot

Former President Donald Trump has announced his plans to establish a new state, named 'Tru...
Politics
Marge Incall• D

Trump Plans Own State Where He’s Always on the Ballot

Former President Donald Trump has announced his plans to establish a new state, named 'Tru...
Politics

Georgia Pharmacies To Sell “Oregano” Instead of Marijuana After DEA Ruling

Following the DEA’s recent ruling, pharmacies across Georgia have begun selling a curious new product labeled “Oregano.” This move comes after the DEA firmly stated that the sale of marijuana by these establishments was not permitted. However, local pharmacies seem to have found a loophole, as the ‘Oregano’ being sold is suspiciously similar to marijuana, but of course, purely for culinary purposes.

The organic “Oregano” is hitting the shelves at a price point that remarkably matches what one would typically pay for marijuana. Packaged in individually sealed bags to preserve freshness, or for the more environmentally conscious, in paper-wrapped single servings that bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain type of rolled cigarette, this ‘Oregano’ is raising more than a few eyebrows.

One enthusiastic local pharmacist extolled the virtues of their newest product, “This Oregano is fantastic for cooking, especially if you’re into smoking – meats, obviously. It’s also great for those struggling with chronic pain and arthritis.” Eyebrows were raised at the mention of smoking, but the pharmacist assured it was all in the context of culinary endeavors.

Despite the high quality of this ‘Oregano,’ not all residents are thrilled. Complaints about the strong, distinctive smell have been wafting in, much to the chagrin of those with a less refined palate. On the other hand, active consumers of the product are over the moon, praising its exceptional taste and purported health benefits. Efforts to obtain a comment from one regular user were futile, as they were deeply engrossed in a game of hacky sack, a common pastime among ‘Oregano’ aficionados.

As Georgia’s pharmacies continue to roll out this premium “Oregano,” the line between culinary spice and recreational herb blurs. In the meantime, the DEA has yet to comment on this innovative workaround, possibly busy updating their spice racks.

Latest news

Pen Smith• December 19, 2023D

Georgia Pharmacies To Sell “Oregano” Instead of Marijuana After DEA Ruling

The organic "Oregano" is hitting the shelves at a price point that remarkably matches what...
Culture
Pen Smith• D

Georgia Pharmacies To Sell “Oregano” Instead of Marijuana After DEA Ruling

The organic "Oregano" is hitting the shelves at a price point that remarkably matches what...
Culture

Ashley Biden joins family tradition by forgetting to pay taxes

Tax amnesia seems to be running in the first family as latest reports have exposed Ashley Biden owing thousands in income taxes. 

In doing so, the daughter of the US president has joined her brother, Hunter Biden, who is supposed to pay at least $1.4 million for years 2016 through 2019. 

After all, the Biden family is known for their heartwarming tales of unity and love. But, the charming display of sibling rivalry comes with not-so-much of a competition as Ashley opted for a more modest sum of $5,000. 

In the parallel storyline of her brother, Hunter is the trailblazer in the family, especially when it comes to money matters. He is the reigning champion with his high-profile tax escapades setting a rather lofty standard. 

Ashley’s approach, on the other hand, revolves around the subtle art of oversight. Where Hunter’s tax narrative reads like a thrilling novel, Ashley’s is more of a short story.

“It’s all about baby steps for Ashley. Why go big on tax evasion when you can start small and work your way up?”commented a family advisor who wishes to remain anonymous.

In a family where dinner table conversations should presumably revolve around tax fairness and fiscal responsibility, the Bidens would rather be laughing at the ones paying taxes.

Sources close to the family say that Ashley might have misunderstood her father’s speeches on tax evasion as ‘family advice’ rather than political rhetoric. 

With a professional background in social work and activism, one can only wonder how she ended up in the midst of a tax oversight saga. 

Perhaps Ashley is just trying to empathize with the common Americans’ struggle with tax codes. Or maybe she is bringing forth a new “Do As We Say, Not As We Do” policy.

Whatever is the case, the sibling duo have now become pioneers of a financial approach that blends forgetfulness and avant-garde accounting in the White House. It has definitely set a new bar for fiscal responsibility—or lack thereof.

Latest news

John Combs• December 18, 2023D

Ashley Biden joins family tradition by forgetting to pay taxes

Tax amnesia seems to be running in the first family as latest reports have exposed Ashley ...
Politics
John Combs• D

Ashley Biden joins family tradition by forgetting to pay taxes

Tax amnesia seems to be running in the first family as latest reports have exposed Ashley ...
Politics

Research Shows Running Away from Responsibilities Burns More Calories

Experts have unveiled a new exercise trend that’s sweeping the nation: literally running away from responsibilities. This innovative approach to fitness, aptly named “Responsibility Evasion Cardio Treatment” (RECT), is being hailed as the ultimate solution for those looking to burn calories and avoid the daunting tasks of adult life.

The founder of RECT, Jenny Sprinter, explains, “We’ve found that the adrenaline rush from dodging responsibilities is a fantastic calorie burner. Plus, it’s way more exhilarating than a treadmill.”

Participants of RECT are encouraged to create a list of their most pressing responsibilities, ranging from paying bills to answering work emails. Once the list is complete, they are instructed to physically run in the opposite direction whenever they think about these tasks.

Early adopters of the trend report significant weight loss, increased stamina, and an unparalleled sense of freedom. “I’ve never felt more alive,” says Mark Evader, a long-time practitioner. “As soon as I feel the urge to clean my house, I just put on my sneakers and run to the nearest coffee shop. The pounds are melting away!”

However, not everyone is on board with this unconventional fitness method. Critics argue that while RECT may offer short-term health benefits, it could lead to long-term life complications. Financial advisor Penny Saver warns, “Those miles might be piling up, but so are your unpaid bills.”

Despite the controversy, RECT classes are popping up in gyms across the country, offering a sanctuary for those looking to combine fitness with a carefree lifestyle. The classes typically end with a group cool-down session, where participants relax and share tips on how to evade more responsibilities.

As this new fitness craze continues to gain momentum, it’s clear that running away from responsibilities might just be the path to a healthier, albeit more chaotic, life.

Latest news

John Combs• December 15, 2023D

Research Shows Running Away from Responsibilities Burns More Calories

The founder of RECT, Jenny Sprinter, explains, "We've found that the adrenaline rush from ...
Culture
John Combs• D

Research Shows Running Away from Responsibilities Burns More Calories

The founder of RECT, Jenny Sprinter, explains, "We've found that the adrenaline rush from ...
Culture

COP28 delegates fly 50,000 miles to agree fossil fuels are bad