Author: Pen Smith

Former President Donald Trump seeks to introduce a new dictator diet plan for the next time he is in power. It comes with the proposition of losing democracy in just a day. 

Forget intermittent fasting, Americans can now get a taste of intermittent dictatorship when Trump would close the border and “drill, drill, drill” on the first day of his hypothetical second term. 

“Think of it as a quick cleanse”, suggested Trump, “but instead of losing toxins, you lose constitutional norms just for a day!” This is how the Republican presidential frontrunner answered questions on authoritarianism in his recent appearance on Fox News. 

“It’s like saying you’ll only be a vegetarian between meals. I mean, who needs a full term of dictatorship when you can apparently achieve all your authoritarian goals before breakfast?”, expressed a commentator, who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Much like a Netflix free trial, Trump assured that this one-day-only dictatorship would be non-committal. “If you don’t like it, you can always go back to democracy the next day”, he declared in the interview. 

Critics, however, are wary. As one political analyst noted, “History shows these trial runs tend to have automatic renewals that are very hard to cancel”. 

What would attract certain Americans more is it being a balanced diet of power and panic. It would be the perfect amalgamation of out-of-the-box executive orders and Trump’s infamous inflammatory tweets. 

On top of this, the best part is that no exercise would be required! The only lifting citizens will have to do would be lifting restrictions on their own power. 

While Trump is busy attacking Joe Biden and dodging debates, people like Mark Esper (former defense secretary during the Trump administration) have been raising alarms about the dangers of his potential re-election​. 

Recently, the former President’s choice of words has been more vintage dictator than modern-day politician. He was seen throwing around terms like ‘vermin’ to describe some of his political opponents. 

While every diet plan comes with its own side-effects, it could potentially be international condemnation, domestic unrest, or even impeachment in particular this case. One can now only hope that Americans would consult their political advisor before overthrowing the established order.