Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

The nation is grappling with an unprecedented ink shortage. Reliable sources have pointed fingers at the Federal Reserve, suggesting they might have gone on a “minor printing spree” to keep up with their latest economic strategies.

The ink crisis began shortly after ADP’s report highlighted a mere rise of 89,000 private payrolls in September, a number that notably fell short of the expected 160,000. Economists, baristas, and tattoo artists alike were left scratching their heads (and pens) as ink supplies dwindled.

Nela Richardson, the chief economist at ADP, was overheard at a local coffee shop saying, “Inflation is always going to be a risk, especially if we run out of ink. How will we print the money to pay for the ink? It’s the chicken or the egg conundrum, but with currency.”

Local businesses are feeling the pinch. Benny’s Bookstore and Tattoo Parlor, a unique establishment catering to literature and body art enthusiasts, is one of the many businesses affected. Benny remarked, “I had customers coming in for ‘The Great Gatsby’ and leaving with half a ‘Gats’ tattooed on their arm. We just ran out of ink mid-way!”

The Federal Reserve, while not openly admitting to hoarding the nation’s ink, did hint at a new initiative. An anonymous source from within revealed, “We’re considering a new line of transparent bills. They’re impossible to counterfeit and incredibly eco-friendly. Plus, think of the savings on ink!”

Despite the ink debacle, the U.S. economy remains surprisingly robust. The Federal Reserve’s recent activities, including their “midnight money-making” sessions, have been credited (or blamed, depending on who you ask) for this resilience.

In a world where labor shortages, inflation risks, and now ink shortages dominate headlines, one thing is clear: The Federal Reserve’s printers might be the hardest working machines in America.

PALM BEACH, FL – A recent real estate appraisal has valued a dumpster fire located adjacent to Mar-a-Lago at a whopping $69 million. The valuation has left many scratching their heads, but local real estate agents argue it’s all about “location, location, location.”

“Look, if Mar-a-Lago is worth anywhere between $18 million and $1.5 billion, depending on who you ask, then surely a dumpster fire next door is worth $69 million,” said local realtor Sandy Goldgrabber. “It’s prime real estate. You’re essentially getting a front-row seat to all the drama.”

The dumpster, which caught fire due to an unknown cause, has become a hot commodity in the area. Potential buyers are lining up, with some even suggesting turning the site into a luxury condo tower named “Blaze Residences.”

“I’ve always wanted to live next to Mar-a-Lago,” said one eager buyer. “And now, with the added ambiance of a dumpster fire, it’s like a dream come true.”

The valuation comes on the heels of a contentious debate over the worth of Mar-a-Lago. Former President Donald Trump recently claimed the resort is worth $1.5 billion, a figure that has been met with skepticism. A New York judge even ruled that this valuation was significantly inflated, citing an appraisal report that estimated the property’s value between $18 million and $27.6 million from 2011 to 2021, as reported by Forbes.

However, Trump has been adamant about his valuation, even suggesting on his social media platform, Truth Social, that Mar-a-Lago is “WORTH 50 to 100 times” the value cited in the judge’s ruling.

In light of these developments, some locals are considering starting their own fires in hopes of cashing in on the real estate boom.

“I’ve got a rusty old barbecue in my backyard,” said local resident Joe Swindler. “If I set that ablaze, maybe I can get a cool $10 million for it. After all, it’s only a few blocks from Mar-a-Lago.”