Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

US chip manufacturer Frito Lay, no wait, sorry, Nvidia just became the first company in the history of the world to reach a market value of $5 trillion dollars.

For reference, Frito Lay is only worth $13 billion.

Nvidia company value graph — Squad goals.

Since Canada is worth 2.241 trillion US dollars, Nvidia has unveiled its plan to buy the country and then build another Canada beside it.

The new land mass will fill a large portion of the North Atlantic Ocean and create a bridge between the Americas and Europe.

Nvidia are currently crowdsourcing names for its new continent but the current front runners are:

Two Canadas (Toucan for short)

Nvidia (already sounds like a country)

Greater North America

Chip Land

SuckitInteldia

Canada 2.0

America-But-Bettter

Nvidia Island (not affiliated with Epstein Island)

GPUtopia

Nvidia says the new land will grant it the necessary 20 million square kilometers required to build its AI data centers.

Yes, it’s AI that has really powered Nvidia’s recent surge. Just three months ago they were valued at $4tn but following some massive deals and partnerships with OpenAI, Intel and the US Government, chip boy is now officially the biggest company in the world.

Congrats, son.

Eli Lilly, Palantir, Hyundai, Samsung, Nokia, Uber are just some of the massive deals Nvidia’s been making in the last few days as they continue their crazed spending spree to make a deal with literally every company in the world.

The chipmaker will become one of Nokia’s largest shareholders with a $1bn investment for 166,389,351 shares (2.9% of the corp) and a plan to incorporate AI into telecommunications, data centre infrastructure, and other boring things like that.

Obviously, Nokia got a stock boost from the news, jumping 21% to their highest price in ten years, gaining €6.7 billy, proving once again that Nokias are unbreakable.

Along with this news, Nvidia announced partnerships with a bunch of other brands, including a remit to build a 100,000 robotaxi fleet for Uber and seven new supercomputers for the Department of Energy.

All this is to say that Nvidia expects a $500 billion revenue through next year, and hey, it looks like they might get it. Just one thing the money might go to is their recent foray into connecting autumn computers to their AI chips. Because yeah, what AI really needs is the ability to touch the ethereal space between reality and non-existence.

Recently, Nvidia also invested $100 billion in OpenAI and $5 billion in Intel in an effort to connect itself with every possible company that exists. That way, no one will let Nvidia go down because if they did, they’re bringing the entire economy with them.

What’s that, you’re saying that’s a bubble? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s leave the business decisions to the experts now, shall we?

Oop, I’ve not made the word count, OK, here’s the previous article about Nvidia’s investment in Intel:

Intel’s struggling to stay afloat and has already sold off some 10% to the US Government (some how). Now it’s looking like their next biggest rival Nvidia will cut out a chunk from the company to the tune of $5 billion, about 4% of the company making it one of the largest shareholders.

I guess Nvidia doesn’t have a chip its shoulder…

Intel instantly got a boost from the purchase so that’s good but who’s to say if this represents the beginning of an upswing for the corp or it’s the start of the company being sold off for parts.

And honestly, I don’t know how this works, like, isn’t this a conflict of interest? I really don’t understand how any of this works. What am I doing here?

The new pact is for Intel and Nvidia to develop data centres together, hand in hand, like nothing ever happened.

This new alliance could represent a threat to rival chip makers AMD, TSMC, and KFC who might now face the combined might of the two biggest chip manufacturers combined.

Ooh, maybe they’ll rebrand, let’s brainstorm names:

INvidia

That’s quite could, no need to change the pronunciation or anything, smooth and easy.

Nvtel

Ngl, that’s pretty shit. Basically illegible. Not sure what we’re even achieving there.

Nvidiatel

The maximalist option. Corporate boring. 6/10.

Nvidia-Intel

Probably the option they’d actually go with. Boring. Sucks. I hate it.

Intel-Nvidia

Not going to happen. Nvidia have the power, 100% they’ll put themselves first.

Chip Boys

I’m just putting it out there, they should go with something else, something brand new no one’s expecting. My vote is Chip Boys, but Chip Brothers, Chip Men, something along those lines, that would be cool.

Big W for the convicted Binance creator Changpeng Zhao (AKA CZ, BI-Guy, or Peng-Boy as I like to call him), as he has just been pardoned. Congrats, mate, we all knew you could do it.

In a statement, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Trump had “exercised his constitutional authority by issuing a pardon for Mr. Zhao, who was prosecuted by the Biden Administration in their war on cryptocurrency.”

Ahh, ok, right, so this is just a political thing. This is Trump trying to score points against Biden and win favor with the crypto bros (big voting bloc).

Zhao previously bribed away the previous administration previously with $4.3 billion dollars in money and then went to prison anyway. He’s out of prison now btw, he only served for four months, but still.

But Zhao might now be able to return to the world’s largest crypto exchange, the company he helped found in 2017. I mean, if they’ll have him, of course.

Binance, Get It? Like Finance, But Bitcoin? …It’s Very Clever

Trump seems to be a big fan of white collar criminals as he’s pardoned a bunch recently, including the money launderers and founders of crypto exchange BitMEX, and also the fraudster who founded EV truck company Nikola. He also commuted the sentence of the Ozy Media executive, whom I assumed committed a crime too but I cba to read what it was.

THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY, and THAT means I don’t have to hit my word count on this one, so neeeh. Bite me.

For more crypto garbage, read this: If You Can Read This, You Might Have Brain Rot

Current richest man, Elon Musk, just Tweeted an X in response to a post that might just change your life… ok, probably not, but let’s hear it anyway.

“True. That is why Bitcoin is based on energy: you can issue fake fiat currency, and every government in history has done so, but it is impossible to fake energy.”

Now look, I can’t be bothered to look up what the original post was. They could have said, “Energy is gay,” and then Elon’s reply means something completely different.

Or maybe the OP said, “I’m going to blow up a school Elon Musk says it’s true that Bitcoin can’t be faked.” That would also mean something different.

But hey, we’ll never know so currently it just reads like Elon doesn’t know how anything works…

In an AI-written article summarising the story, CoinPedia summarises the point: “The line hits at a simple truth: governments can print money, but they can’t print energy. Does this give Bitcoin a huge advantage?”

Err… no, because governments do print energy, that’s exactly what governments do, they build, fund, and organise power plants, energy grids, power lines, etc. What are you talking about?

What do you mean you can’t fake energy? How, what, what, who, what could that possibly mean?

Fake what? It’s not the energy that’s possibly being faked. Energy is just energy. I’m so confused. I don’t understand what’s going on. Why is the world run by idiots?

Or maybe I’m the idiot? Maybe I don’t understand anything. Maybe I don’t know what’s going on. Who am I?

Where am I? What is energy? Am I a Bitcoin?

Trilogy Metals, $TMQ (you know them, right? Trilogy Metals, they’re famous, everyone knows Trilogy Metals) just had a 210% surge after the US government said they’d buy a 10% stake at $35.6m (million) dollars (US).

You obviously already know this, but Trilogy Metals is a Canadian minerals explorer listed in the US and Trump wants them to dig baby dig in Alaska. So a cheeky little investment was a sure thing AND DEFINITELY NOT INSIDER TRADING.

This ain’t the first time Trump’s trumped up a stock price after turning his eye on Sauron (not naming names, Intel) and it won’t be the last. Here’s our top ten list of stonks that US will invest in next:

10. OpenAI

No one wants the AI bubble to burst less than the US government and what better way to stop it than artificially jacking up their share price? Altman’s the man to watch.

9. SpaceX/Tesla

The rift hasn’t been healed but no doubt Elon will come crawling back begging for a government contract some time soon. Tesla and SpaceX are due for a boost.

8. Gold

Gold’s reached a massive ATH recently after people lost faith in the government. So what better way to renew faith in the government than buying up all the gold?

7. Pelosi Stock

It’s simple: Nancy knows what’s going to happen next because she’s got insider government knowledge. So if the government invests in the same stock she’s investing in then the money will just keep going up. Boom. Infinite money.

6. The US Government

You are your own best cheerleader. You’ve got to faith in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. So go on, turn off the phone, go out there and make something of yourself, son.

5. Trump Gold Premium NFTs

These are the most beautiful NFTs anyone’s ever seen, they’re premium and you’re gonna love ‘em, real gold, made ‘em myself and they’ll be worth millions in two days so buy ‘em now. Get ‘em today.

4. Pokémon Cards

The only investment that doesn’t depreciate. Reportedly, the US government has its eyes on water types and rare Squirtles.

3. Alphabet ($GOOGL)

They make Bing, right? Bing’s the best search engine. I use Bing for everything. Chandler Bing.

2. China

My enemy’s enemy is my friend and my enemy’s success is my failure but if I invest in my enemy and make them my friend then my enemy’s failure is my success. It’s simple math. I’m calling it, America will start buying 10% of all of China.

1. Reverse Cramer

Our number one spot is the only stock that really matters. Everything that Mad Money Jim Cramer says to do, do the opposite. 100% Trump’s going to get in on that action, just you wait and see.

Elon “The Richest Man In The World” Musk is now still the richest man in the world, but even more so this time after reaching a massive $500 billion valuation.

The news comes mere SECONDS after OpenAI announced that it was “worth $500 billion dollars too but we said it first!” Coincidence? I think yes.

Musk is the first person ever to be worth this amount of money for a single human because honestly I don’t think anyone until now thought numbers could even go up that high.

If you were to smush Jeff Bezos and Mark Zukerberg together to create a Jark Bukerzerg that Connenbergian monstrosity still wouldn’t be worked as much as the Musk.

Bezo-bby is worth $233.5 bil, and the Zuck is $245.7 billy. Wtf.

In fact, Musk gained half his value, $245 billion in just this year alone. And I think we can all agree that it was this year in particular that Elon Musk became twice as valuable as before.

Elon Musk Richest Man Tweet — Yes, all my info comes from this tweet, bite me.

FOR COMPARISON, when adjusted for inflation, the wealthiest people IN ALL OF HISTORY were 14th-century African emperor Mansa Musa at $548 billion. JD Rockefeller was $340 billion. Andrew Carnegie was $310 billion, so what are we even doing here?

Musk You Be So Rich?

Honestly at this point what do you even do with your life? Where else is there to go? No wonder he just spends his time Tweeting. SORRY, X-ing.

Who knows what’ll have next, is rocketman still rocketing or has he reached the edge of space? With the interest alone, my boy will be well on his way to a trilly by next week, and honestly, good luck to him.

If I were him I’d buy a country or something, oh wait, he already tried that and the country was called AMERICA.

For more Elon news, click here: Larry Ellison Briefly World’s Richest Man, Ruining Elon’s Killstreak

I guess Nvidia doesn’t have a chip its shoulder…

And honestly, I don’t know how this works, like, isn’t this a conflict of interest? I really don’t understand how any of this works. What am I doing here?

The new pact is for Intel and Nvidia to develop data centres together, hand in hand, like nothing ever happened.

This new alliance could represent a threat to rival chip makers AMD, TSMC, and KFC who might now face the combined might of the two biggest chip manufacturers combined.

Ooh, maybe they’ll rebrand, let’s brainstorm names:

INvidia

That’s quite could, no need to change the pronunciation or anything, smooth and easy.

Nvtel

Ngl, that’s pretty shit. Basically illegible. Not sure what we’re even achieving there.

Nvidiatel

The maximalist option. Corporate boring. 6/10.

Nvidia-Intel

Probably the option they’d actually go with. Boring. Sucks. I hate it.

Intel-Nvidia

Not going to happen. Nvidia have the power, 100% they’ll put themselves first.

Chip Boys

More on this story here: Trump Agrees To Billion-Dollar Saudi Chip Deal, Frito-Lay Stocks Max Out

Who’s Larry Ellison? Oh, the CEO of Oracle. What’s Oracle? Oh, it’s a software company, sorry, I’m just learning all this in real time. That’s crazy that this guy could become the richest man in the world and I’ve never heard of him. Maybe I should have, maybe it’s my job…

Anyway! Oracle’s shares surged 30% today, reaping the rewards from the AI boom and giving hope that maybe the bubble isn’t burst. Maiyyyyybai.

All this means that Oracle’s co-founder Larry has cashed in another $70 billion (!!!), ratcheting him up to $384 billion, making him the second richest man in the world. Watch your ass, Elon Musk.

Elon Musk who only has $20 billion more (‘only’ jesus christ), responded to the announcement, saying, “I will kill you, Larry. I will kill you. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”

If this trajectory continues, Larry would have the largest one-day increase ever recorded on the index. Obviously, the index doesn’t record everyone otherwise, they’ve give me the crown of largest one-day increase after my cousin Bogdan lent me $40, when I only had $4 at the time, so that’s a 10x increase right there.

Oracle’s mostly a cloud computing service and was late to pivot to AI, but was perfectly poised to use all its data centres for AI which is why we’re in this whole mess. Oracle person, Safra Catz (cool name) said that Oracle signed “four multibillion-dollar contracts with three different customers” in the three months to the end of August. So yeah, mega bucks.

More about Larry? Ok, sure. He owns a tennis tournament (how?). He owns an island, like 98% of the Hawaiian island Lanai. You know, classic rich guy shit. He originally made Oracle as a CIA database. He was an early investor in Tesla so has a 1.4% stake which means he’s 1.4% bleeding Elon dry.

So yeah, are we going to have a new random rich guy that we’re going to have to learn about? Maybe he’ll buy a social media? Maybe he’ll run for president? Who knows! The sky’s the limit when you’re a rich. There is literally nothing that is illegal for you.

For more tech news, Don’t Invest In OpenAi Says OpenAI, Wait, What?

Gold has reached an ATH (all-time highest amount), rising to over $3,500 an ounce for the second time, making it one of the most precious metals in the world.

The boost comes after Donald J. Trump (the president) started fresh beef with the Federal Reserve Chair Head, Jerome Powell, and threatened to fire Lisa Cook. Coupled with inflation and renewed tariffic uncertainty, investors are now, for the first time ever, turning to gold as the new “gold standard”.

Some are now saying that gold is “worth its weight in gold”; however, others are saying that it’s not. Only time (and this set of old-timey scales) will tell.

In a matter of weeks, gold-and-gold-related products might reach $4,000. Which is a lot of money to spend on golds if you’re really not planning on doing anything with it.

The dollar was once the stable currency global investors could rely on. Now, with the volatility of the dollar (dollatility if you will), investors are turning to the far more stable and never fluctuating gold for investment opportunities.

Good Old Gold

Gold has long been popular amongst money people not only because it’s shiny but also because, unlike other currencies, it’s real.

Metal buffs will tell you that gold is one of the most golden-colored metals ever discovered. When first discovered, gold prospectors saw gold as rare because they hadn’t found much of it yet.

Since then, however, much more gold has been discovered, mostly in the ground. Gold owners across the world have attempted to make gold more valuable by naming expensive things like memberships and casinos after the metal.

Only now has this investment finally paid off, making fictional characters such as Goldfinger and Scrooge McDuck over night millionaires worth millions if not billions.

For more on this story, click here over there somewhere…

Yeah, OpenAI isn’t publicly traded yet so don’t even try it. If you want to, you need the company’s written consent. Now a lot of people haven’t got that memo so OpenAI has had to write a blog post EXPLAINING to you MORONS that anyone trying to sell you OpenAI shares is a scammer.

By the way, do you want to buy some OpenAI shares? Hmu.

It’s a specific type of scam that’s becoming a new gold rush. They’re called special purpose vehicles or SPVs which allow multiple people to by shares in one transaction. When unauthorized, yeah, that’s a scam.

Bad actors will claim to have big stocks to sell in buzzy companies like OpenAI, charge an extortionate transaction fee then run off with your money before you can realise that they never had any such stocks in the first place.

Sam Altman’s company clarified that, “not every offer of OpenAI equity (or exposure to it) is problematic,” just, you know, most. “If so, the sale will not be recognized and carry no economic value to you.” Unless you collect scams, in which case, hmu.

But yeah, avoid these, they are obviously illegal.

You know what else is illegal? Running a not-for-profit company for profit. Not that I’m looking at anyone in particular. It’s not like OpenAI is now valued at $500 billion dollars in money or anything.

This is a 66.7% increase from the previous $300 billion valuation, making it the most valuable startup in the world, says ChatGPT.

SpaceX is currently the most valuable start-up in the world at $350 billion, with ByteDance valued at $315 billion (can we even call these start-ups at this point? My cousin Denneth sells homemade pogs out of this garage, now THAT’S a start-up).

As ChatGPT explains, OpenAl plans a multi-billion-dollar secondary sale in which current and former employees would be able to cash out their stock options.

ChatGPT also explained that OpenArtificialIntelligence is pretty cool and a great place to work and definitely worth $500 billion dollars worth of money if you’re in the market.

Half a trillion dollars seems like a wild amount of money, but let’s look at the facts. AI is huge business right now. We’re in the middle of an AI boom, in case you hadn’t noticed. Weekly ChatGPT users are now at 700 million, Meta is going all in on their AI department, and Google now has an AI mode so that Denneth’s Homemade Pogs Dot Com isn’t even listed anymore.

Heck, I think the king of the tech landscape as we see it, OpenAI SHOULD be given all the money. $500 billion? For holding up the entire economy? Nay, country, nay, America? Phhhff, I think it’s worth infinite money. In fact, we should give them infinite money. In fact, we should all make a pledge to give our lives to OpenAI for the rest of time. WHEN WE DIE OPENAI SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SCAN OUR BRAINS TO HELP TRAIN THEIR LARGE LANGUAGE MODELS.

(This article was written by ChatGPT.)

Like, just take a look at this crazy story: Elon Musk Makes Compelling New Offer For OpenAI: “I’ll Leave You Alone”

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INvidia

Nvtel

Nvidiatel

Nvidia-Intel

Intel-Nvidia

Chip Boys

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