2025 | Wall Street Memes

You get a Cybertruck and you get a Cybertruck!

The world’s richest man, Elon Musk, can’t afford to be any less rich, so he’s just got to commit a little fraud quickly. QUICKLY!

You see, at launch, he promised that Cyberturcc would sell between 250,000 and 500,000 units per year. The actual figure? Just 20,000 this year. Oy vey.

What can we do, shit, shit, what we going to do? We’ve got to boost numbers stat. I’ve got all these other companies maybe, maybe… oh, I’ve got it!

Sell Cybertrucks to the other companies you own.

SpaceX has received hundreds of Cybertrucks and is expecting thousands more. xAI has been caught receiving the car too. And let’s not forget Musk attempting to flog some off to former BFF, the United States Government.

None of that’s fraud, right?

Elon Musk? More Like Elon Fucked Am-I-Right?

It doesn’t really make sense though, the sibretruk is an elite machine of premium engineered vehicle with a very human design. Yes, the truck has been recalled eight times, yes, it has a poor range, yes, it has terrible resale value, and yes, it looks like Megatron’s dick, but none of that’s a reason why we aren’t selling HALF A MILLION UNITS A YEAR.

elon muck cybertruck — a cybertruck in the wild

Sure, even Tesla doesn’t believe in their own product and is pivoting away from EVs to robots, AI and fast food joints but still, the cyberterk is a luxury item here.

Oh yeah, I mean, it’s a given that it looks like a car after it’s been through a compactor, but we’re talking about the future here.

And I know Elon might have lied about it being bulletproof but I’m telling you, the cberyebtarulks is on everyone’s Christmas list.

No, yes, it’s true, the trunk door will chop your fingers off but the cyveaberpturck IS a premium electric superior car truck please buy it please buy it PLEASE BUY IT AHHHH!!!

It was the Gaza Peace Summit this week and all the world leaders were there for peace. All except one: Donald Trump, who had a grand plan to turn this peace summit into the 2025 46th World Armwrestling & 27th Para-Armwrestling Championships.

It’s Trump’s go-to move. A show of force and indisputable proof that you don’t actually have small hands or a small penia. All you have to do is, when you go for a handshake, grab your opponent’s hand as tightly as you can, then yank them towards you and hold on for dear life. If you let go first, you’re a pussy.

Trump arm wrestling hulk hogan — Trump deep in diplomatic negotiations. Hulk Hogan is now dead.

Most cave in and you’re the clear winner. The Pope, the Queen of England, Barron Trump, all losers. But some, a small few, actually step up to the plate and play you at your own game. You yank, they yank, canceling out the yank. You squeeze, they squeeze. The squeeze has been negated. What is this? You don’t break, but neither do they, and you find yourself holding hands, staring into his eyes for the rest of eternity.

Shit, you’re in a dick measuring contest and this guy brought his own measuring tape.

That’s right, it’s French President and sole owner of the largest dick-to-hand-ratio in the world, Emmanuel Macron.

Yep, Macron and Trump held hands in a weird bro-fist-grab thing for an uncomfortably long time, leaving both with brittle, bloodless fingers and shattered egos. Geez, just get a room.

Trump Seen Squeezing Grip Strengtheners Backstage

But this isn’t an early heat, no this is a rematch. It’s become a sort of tradition between these two that Macron’s the only one dumb/smart enough to play Trump at his own game. DING DING DING! Round Two.

But who won? Who’s next? Well, I can’t find a video of the whole thing after 10 seconds of looking so I think we can assume it doesn’t exist. Probably because it would last two hours and no one’s watching all that. Sorry, there’s just simply no way of knowing who broke first and who has the smaller penial appendage. Let’s chalk this up as a draw.

Tune in next year for the 47th World Armwrestling & 28th Para-Armwrestling Championships when Trump will face off against 100 gorillas.

…Or at least it would have done if OnlyFans’ stock were public. No, you have to pay extra for a private room.

Anyways, the actual news is that OpenAI is planning to allow ChatGPT users to request adult content in a move that will in no way be bad for anyone.

ChatGPT Sam ALtman Erotica tweet — TLDR: Chatbots hot now.

Sam Altman Tweeted an X that, “In December, as we roll out age-gating more fully and as part of our “treat adult users like adults” principle, we will allow even more, like erotica for verified adults.”

Great, now I have literally no reason to leave the house.

Haven’t we learned that adults are the last people who should be treated like adults? If ChatGPT starts doing erotica, what’s stopping people from prompting all sorts of heinous things? And even if there are stoppers, we all know ChatGPT can easily be bullied into working around its own restrictions.

I’m not just being a prude here, I’m talking about actual illegal images, images of people who haven’t consented, that sort of thing. And speaking of a lack of consent, what about the images of real people the model has been trained on?

Shit, like anyone cares. We’re already way past that, aren’t we?

ChatGPT? More like, StripGPT, Am-I-Right?

But this isn’t JUST a desperate attempt from an unprincipled creep to increase users and prevent the AI bubble from popping. No, this is about protecting the mental health of vulnerable people.

Yes, in the same Twext, Altman also said that “We made ChatGPT pretty restrictive to make sure we were being careful with mental health issues… Now that we have been able to mitigate the serious mental health issues and have new tools, we are going to be able to safely relax the restrictions in most cases.”

That’s right, Alternate Man has solved the problem, AI psychosis is no longer a thing, people no longer think that ChatGPT is conscious, we can finally make it even MORE human (plus it can now take its clothes off).

What could possibly go wrong?

Current richest man, Elon Musk, just Tweeted an X in response to a post that might just change your life… ok, probably not, but let’s hear it anyway.

“True. That is why Bitcoin is based on energy: you can issue fake fiat currency, and every government in history has done so, but it is impossible to fake energy.”

Now look, I can’t be bothered to look up what the original post was. They could have said, “Energy is gay,” and then Elon’s reply means something completely different.

Or maybe the OP said, “I’m going to blow up a school Elon Musk says it’s true that Bitcoin can’t be faked.” That would also mean something different.

But hey, we’ll never know so currently it just reads like Elon doesn’t know how anything works…

In an AI-written article summarising the story, CoinPedia summarises the point: “The line hits at a simple truth: governments can print money, but they can’t print energy. Does this give Bitcoin a huge advantage?”

Err… no, because governments do print energy, that’s exactly what governments do, they build, fund, and organise power plants, energy grids, power lines, etc. What are you talking about?

What do you mean you can’t fake energy? How, what, what, who, what could that possibly mean?

Fake what? It’s not the energy that’s possibly being faked. Energy is just energy. I’m so confused. I don’t understand what’s going on. Why is the world run by idiots?

Or maybe I’m the idiot? Maybe I don’t understand anything. Maybe I don’t know what’s going on. Who am I?

Where am I? What is energy? Am I a Bitcoin?

Donald Trump just saved the world. Thank you, Donald Trump. Israel and Gaza and Palestine and Hamas have a ceasefire and have exchanged hostages in the next step towards peace forever in the universe forever.

Thank you, Donald Trump.

During a really long rambling press conference, in which Trump chastised other speakers for how long they spoke and took shots at Obama and Biden, Donald Trump repeatedly referred to Netanyahu by his diminutive, Bibi. But the way Trump says it with his THICK, THICK accent, it really sounded like ‘baby’.

At one point Trump spoke about the Isreali opposition leader saying that he was a good guy and that Netanyahu should concede that.

“Now you can be a little bit nicer, baby because you’re not at war any more baby.”

I guess they’re closer than anyone knew…

“I would say to baby, baby, it’s now time,” Trump continued. “This piece of land is very small. Think of what you’ve done it’s incredible *applause*.” …what?

Trump hailed everyone as saying that Israel is popular again and everyone loves Israel now.

Idk if anyone’s actually losing their minds over Trump saying this though, he’s said a lot of things. Maybe it was something else he said.

When asked by journalists on Air Force One if he would go to heaven because of this, Trump said, “I don’t think there’s anything [that’s] going to get me in heaven. Okay? I think I’m not maybe heaven-bound… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to make heaven, but I’ve made life a lot better for a lot of people.”

So whilst Trump achieves peace in Palestine, Trump has declared war on Chigaco, Portland, Washington and Bad Bunny.

Isreal has offered to suppply their now unused missile to Trump’s “war from within.”

For more on this story, read this one: Israel-Hezbollah Ceasefire Leaves Thousands Confused, ‘Which War Is Over?’

If feels like when you’re buying a Ferrari (which I do all the time) half what you pay is spent on that sound. That rrrrrMMumumumumRRRRRRUUUHHHNNNmmm. You know what I mean?

Well, imagine that iconic sound but completely silent.

Yeah, pretty cool, right?

That’s what Ferrari are banking on with the Ferrari Elettrica EV, their left turn into the electric vehicle market. Look out Tesla!

Aaaaand their stocks are down 16%, 13.5 billion euros. Oops.

That’s a bit of a spanner in the works for their 9 billion euro revenue target. “I think people were expecting a higher top line – but I think it is important that we execute what we say, we cannot commit on something we cannot achieve,” said CEO Benedetto Vigna like I’ll know what that means.

Hey, it good be worse, they could be Jaguar.

But look at that thing, it doesn’t even have wheels or a seat or doors or cupholders. Obviously, the stock price fell, call that a Ferrari? It’s not even red! This isn’t a finished car, this is a piece of crap. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

Oh wait, it’s not even a full car it’s just a chassis, the actual car will come out later. Oh well, you know what I meant.

Why is this news?

Whatever, I feel like that’s all there is to say. More stories below, click them if you want, or don’t, I’m not your Uncle.

Elon Musk (who smells by the way) has reached an agreement with the executives that he fired without a severance package when they should have had a severance package.

Allegedly, Musk owed over $128 million but refused to pay as revenge for buying Twitter which he didn’t want to buy but was locked into buying it.

The group includes former Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal, former CFO Ned Segal, former Chief Legal Officer Vijaya Gadde and former General Counsel Sean Edgett. AKA the Fantastic Four.

They all sued back in 2024 as they were fired just hours after Musk took over and one day before they would have gotten $200 million in severance pay plus stock options. Damn, son.

Obviously, we don’t know the amount but I bet it’s $4 and a packet of beef jerky.

According to CNN, “The lawsuit refers to portions of the authorized Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson published in 2023, in which Isaacson wrote Musk did not want the executives to collect their severance or vest the stock options “because of the price he was paying and his conviction that Twitter’s management had misled him.” Instead, the book says Musk pushed through a faster close of the Twitter sale so that he could fire the executives “for cause.” The lawsuit claims the cause in the executives termination letters were not substantiated.”

Damn, son.

In other Musk news, Elon’s fighting for a trillion dollars in the upcoming Tesla Annual ShareHolder Meeting of the Shareholders. Why he deserves $1,000,000,000,000 smackerooners is anybodies business but certainly not mine. Only way I could get that money is through sexual favors and I don’t want to even think about how much I’d need to put out for that kind of pay check. Damn, son.

For more Elon news, click any of the buttons below. No, not that one that’s the off button! NOO!!!!

IRONICALLY, for a guy named MUSK, the richest man in the world smells really strongly.

You may have already seen this, as this story dates back to 2018, but apparently, the Tesla CEO has a really strong sense of smell. Like a dog.

Weird flex, but OK.

Yes, according to WIRED, the X-owner has perhaps the shittiest X-Men superpower, and anyone interviewing for the South African future trillionaire can’t wear perfume or cologne because of his sensitive nose.

Reportedly, during one factory inspection, he asked, “What’s that smell?” regarding a vat of chemicals creating a burning plastic smell. He then claimed the smell would kill people and kill him.

Don’t fart around him, I guess.

Maybe he’s like Daredevil, like, you know, when you lose one sense, all your other senses are heightened? So I guess Elon gained his super sense of smell when he lost his sense of humor.

Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t get the answer you wanted from this headline? You actually want to know what Elon Musk smells like?

Alright, you disgusting little gremlin.

Best I can find is this video of actor Kenan Thompson presumably referencing Elon’s SNL appearance, that Musk’s musk is in fact “sweaty. He was always like, huffing and puffing-ish. So like, outside-soiled-ness.”

Cool, great, I regret knowing that now.

Of course, if you want to find out for yourself first hand, there is a company that makes Elon Musk scented air fresheners, so there’s that…

It could be worse, though. Kenan’s comments thankfully dispel the rumor that Elon Musk actually smells like burnt hair.

Why the fuck would that be a rumor, I hear you ask? Well, that’s because a few years ago, Elon’s The Boring Company launched a novelty (I hope) perfume called “Burnt Hair.”

Musk called it “the finest fragrance on Earth,” and it’s currently sold out (somehow) but at the time it sold for $100.

Elon Musk Burnt Hair perfume — Here’s a picture of the bottle… I have no idea what’s going on on the left.

As The Boring Company website describes it, it’s “Just like leaning over a candle at the dinner table, but without all the hard work” and “Stand out in a crowd! Get noticed as you walk through the airport.”

Apparently, it smells more like burnt weed than burnt hair anyway, so that’s a good thing, I guess?

Obviously, it’s just a joke. The kind of joke that only a humorless billionaire can afford to make, along with selling Tesla satin shorts when the company was shorted and bringing a bathroom sink to the Twitter HQ when he bought it. Because, “let that sink in”… eh?

MAKE COMEDY LEGAL AGAIN!!!!

So there you go, I hope this improved your life marginally. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m off for an interview to become the America Party’s Secretary of Smells, caked from head to toe in Burnt Hair and wrapped with Elon’s Musk air fresheners like I’m a Christmas tree.

Wish me luck!

Ex-Twitter X ex-co-founder, Jack Dorsey recently Tweeted (X’d) his support for tax exemptions (taxemptions, if you will) on small crypto transactions (crynsactions, if you will) as he launches his new bitcoin payment wallet.

“We need a de minimis tax exemption for everyday bitcoin transactions,” he said, quote-tweeting his X announcing the launch of his own Bitcoin wallet, ‘Square’ from his company ‘Block’. …Yeah, that’s not confusing at all.

So it would be in Jack’s interests if the government dropped the tax on crypto transactions. The IRS currently defines crypto as property, meaning that even small purchases can trigger a tax, significantly lowering the speed of transactions and being a big roadblock to its mainstream adoption.

There’s some hope this wish might come true as under Jack’s TweX, Senator Cynthia Lummis replied, “Working on it.”

Back in July, Lummis previously tried to push this agenda through with Trump’s “One Big, Beautiful Bill” (who names these things? Oh yeah…) but failed to get the amendments onto the Senate floor.

Crypto tweet lummis — Here’s a tweet from June that might be relevant, idk, I haven’t read it

Additionally, just before the government shut down, the Senate Finance Committee had a hearing to discuss just this matter, saying that the Tax Code “does not provide straightforward answers for many digital asset transactions.”

“Taxpayers are left with many unanswered questions, and individuals, businesses, and our country’s finances bear that burden.” Which “makes the U.S. a less attractive place to do business and invest and hurts tax compliance.”

For an administration that bills itself as ‘the crypto government,’ this is one small step that they’ve yet to take. But who knows, maybe this will be a change in the near future and might be one step towards widespread adoption of the currency.

Until then, I’m sticking with my pesos. Sweet, sweet pesos…

For more bitcoin news, read here: Emirates Now Accepting Bitcoin, Schedules Flights To Da Moon

Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first part of the Trump ceasefire plan: the exchange of hostages, leading to global jubilation and mixed reactions from the financial sector. Come on guys, get on the hype, war’s over forever. WAR IS OVER FOREVER!!

OK, it is mostly positive, the S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 are at record highs, along with gold, and, of course, the shekel and Tel Aviv markets.

But other places are a little more cautious, European stocks are lower, and oil prices have dropped but not much.

There’s still a long way to go, basically. This is just the first part of the agreement; the hostages will hopefully be exchanged in the coming days, hopefully Monday, then after that, talks can continue.

Seems like it might be a while before Trump gets his Nobel Prize.

BUT the Israeli government is due to vote on this like today and if they agree, then a ceasefire should go into place immediately. Very exciting.

Big questions still remain, like who will be in charge of Gaza and will it have a Trump golf course? Israel obviously want to dispose Hamas and but for some reason Hamas are unlikely to agree to that. Trump wants to have some kind of protectorate, which worked super well back in world war one so yeah, let’s just do that again.

Who knows how that’ll all shake down but at least, for the first time in two years, it does genuinely feel like progress.

Congrats to everyone on finally achieving the bare minimum, here’s hoping this will save lives.

For more on this story, read this one: Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

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