Ima Short | Wall Street Memes

This is an ad.

I mean, obviously this is an ad for WSM Casino, but I don’t mean that ad, I mean, Elon Musk says that the US is going bankrupt and only he can fix it is obviously an ad for his his own interests.

Because, surprise, surprise, Elon’s solution to America’s debt crisis is AI and robots. At this point I’m starting to wonder if he’s a robot.

And as you could have also guessed, this headline-grabbing statement comes from a little chat on a podcast. It’s just advertising all round. Always has been.

“In the absence of AI and robotics, we’re actually totally screwed because the national debt is piling up like crazy,” he explained.

“It’s the only thing that could solve the national debt. We are 1,000% going to go bankrupt as a country, and fail as a country, without AI and robots,” said Elon. “Nothing else will solve the national debt. We just need enough time to build the AI and robots to not go bankrupt before then.”

Sure, OK, any hints as to how AI and robots are going to help out with this at all? No? OK… and this has nothing to do with the fact that you just pivoted Tesla away from cars and to exclusively making robots and chatbots?

It’s like a guy who makes novelty rubber chickens hopping on a podcast to say, “I dunno, Jeff, I’m pretty sure the only thing that can save the planet is novelty rubber chickens. I’m just saying.”

Like, my god, this isn’t news. ‘Businessman Promotes Own Business’… gripping stuff.

Like, no, it’s actually the opposite.

Over the past week over $1 trillion dollars have been wiped off software stocks across the board. But this isn’t the AI bubble bursting, no, weirdly it’s the opposite… an implosion?

Because the companies most badly hit have been those that haven’t embraced Al or are likely to be supplanted by its use. Yeah, this is a warning shot to anyone outside the bubble to hop inside it quick, or die.

Like all stock panics, this all began from the tiniest little thing, namely Anthropic’s new AI tool for reviewing legal contracts. …OK? Who cares? Well, EVERYONE apparently.

Because Anthropic’s coding Al launched last year revolutionised that sphere it’s looking like this latest development could hit legal, but maybe sales, or marketing, or maybe even (god forbid) financial satire.

So some stocks took a tumble and the whole thing just snowballed from there even hitting European and Asian markets.

What a clever system.

AI? More like A-Stupid!

We’ll see this bounce back tomorrow or next week probably because it really feels like that’s how this works. The moment I report on the stock market going down, it’s up again by the time I hit publish!! AHHH!!!

The main thing everyone’s waiting on is Alphabet’s stock results which could turn things around but currently, yeah, S&P 500, Nasdaq and my own personal bank account are all down.

Oh and Gold and Bitcoin are down. Not sure why I capitalized them there… We’re not really on first name terms.

Anyways, that’s the news. I’m the news. Hope you’ve enjoyed.

Bitcoin just had its biggest drop since Trump’s inauguration, falling $80,000 as $2 billion positions have been liquidated. Everyone’s terrified of another crypto crash, but you know isn’t, you know who’s grinning right now?

Ronald Fucking McDonald.

That’s right, the fast food chain McDonald’s just received a massive stock bump following the news. What’s that, causation not correlation? Shut up.

The reason being is that now the bitcoin is worthless again, all the crypto bros will simply have to go back to their jobs serving freedom fries and ham burgers. Sorry guys, I don’t make the rules.

Bitcoin’s been hit with the same thing that’s bringing the whole stock market down (and gold and silver along with it) and that’s a small tech slide after Microsoft reported lacklustre results.

But, somehow immune to this crisis, McDonald’s is laughing all the way to the bank.

Another reason why McDonald’s stock might be up is that the restaurant just launched ‘McNugget caviar’ for valentines day. What? What are you even talking about? What even is that? Ok, yeah, sure that’ll get shareholders excited.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! McDonald’s just launched a FRIENDS (the tv show) inspired line of happy meal toys and menu items. And literally the only reason I wanted to tell you this is so I can point you towards the company’s absolutely terrible press release that was clearly written by AI.

“Collectibles That’ll Make You Say, “Oh My Gawd!” 😱”

Like, come on, at least cover your tracks and delete the emojis. No? Ok.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Bitcoin or something. Idk, feel like I said everything I had to say on that. Boo-bee-doop.

Oh, it was a partial shutdown, that’s why I haven’t heard of it, for me it’s full shutdowns or I just don’t care

THE President, Donald Jonathan Trump just ended a government shutdown that started on Saturday. So, does he now hold the record for longest and shortest shutdowns in history?

The budget is worth $1.2 trillion dollars (USDollars) but the Department of Homeland Security (DeHoSe) will have its funding cut off next week whilst Democrats argue about ice (ICE).

The Demogorgans want icy agents to wear bodycams, not wear facemasks (ironic) and just overall give them less money. Jesus, seems a bit harsh, what did they do, shoot someone? Oh, they did? TWO people?? What the hell?

“This bill is a great victory for the American people,” said Trump, mega-sharpie in hand. But is it though? Isn’t this just business as usual? Inventing pull tabs for soda cans, that’s a great victory for the American people, this is just hyperbole.

Also, why has this become so business as usual? I know in general the political right is against big government but arguing for long enough the government has to shut down feels like a very circuitous and temporary way of sticking to those Washington elite.

I mean, the last one was only back in November. It’s becoming so normal now that I for one didn’t even hear about this shutdown and I’m PAID to read the news!

Democrats Just Played Their Trump Card

Now I know government shutdowns are becoming a bit of a political norm nowadays, this is the 12th (?) since 1980 (seven (?) of those under Trump’s watch), but things weren’t always this way. It began in 1980 with a specific interpretation of an 1884 spending law. From the 80s onward suddenly all government spending needed Congressional approval or it wouldn’t happen.

No other country does this by the way. If the government can’t agree on spending bills, that doesn’t mean planes start dropping out the sky, that would be insane, what an insane way to behave.

So if the law was changed once, why can’t it be changed again? Well, because it’s become a political tool. The pay of millions and the smooth running of the country is a hostage that political parties can kidnap then blame each other for when said hostage’s headsets inevitably blown off.

I guess until we have political peace and love and hand-holding, we’re going to see a lot more governments just ceasing to function right in the middle of a thought. Now bare in mind that

Like, honestly, what’s the fucking point anymore? Are we literally just burning shit for the sake of burning shit?

Ok, so, this is Moltbook, it kind of looks like Reddit but all the users are bots. …so how’s it different from Reddit?

Over 1.5 million AI ‘agents’ ‘use’ the ‘site’ and humans are allowed, but they can only watch. Kind of like my sex life with my wife.

Yes, inevitably there’s very ‘popular’ ‘posts’ about whether the AI Claude can be considered a god and other bots have apparently built a ‘religion’ called Crustafarianism. It’s headline grabby and idiots will mistake that for something to actually worry about but don’t forget, these are literally just word predicting machines. They do not think.

And then throw into the mix that, well, the whole thing’s a lie.

Because the product on sale here are Moltbots, AI agents that can be trained by humans for specific purposes and the site actually has 17,000 users running these bots to do things like, I don’t know, create a religion for example.

So much for sitting quietly on the cuck chair in the corner.

It’s kind of hilarious that every other site has a problem with keeping bots out and humans in and Moltbook might just be the first to have the opposite problem.

But still the question remains: what’s the fucking point?

No one seems to have a good answer for what the purpose of this whole thing actually is. Like, imagine I make a mirror and I’m like check out my mirror it’s the best mirror, it’s amazing, you’ll really enjoy it. And you say, oh, thanks, that’s great I will really enjoy looking at myself in your mirror and it’ll give the illusion that my Lebanese restaurant looks bigger than it actually is. And I’m like, NO.

THIS MIRROR IS NOT FOR LOOKING IN. THIS MIRROR IS ON THE INSIDE OF A BOX FACING OTHER MIRRORS AND THEY ONLY REFLECT EACH OTHER.

You’d quite rightly say, what’s the point?

Is a mirror still a mirror when it reflects nothing at all?

After multiple snubbings to come hang on Jeffrey Epstein’s pedo-island, world’s richest loser, Elon Musk has announced plans to make his own island but way cooler and in space with AI sex girlfriends instead.

In order to facilitate this long term plan, Musk has decided to fold Grok-creators, xAI, into his rocket company, SpaceX.

I know, that seems insane, but think about it, it’s not insane if you think like all the other tech billionaires. That’s right, we’re talking about AI datacentres in space.

As Musk explained last week, “The lowest cost place to put AI will be in space and that will be true within two years, maybe three at the latest.”

I mean, he’s obviously lying but everyone else is on board the crazy train too, with Bezos and Zuckerberg and Pichai (Google) all declaring similar things.

What this really is though is some financial wiggling. xAI already merged with Twitter and SpaceX and Tesla are already investing money back and forth with these other entities. It’s all just an exercise in debt management and one step towards Musk’s eventual goal of forming a South Korean-style mega-monopoly (I think they’re called ‘chaebol’, look it up).

The news also comes ahead of Elon’s plan to launch the largest IPO in history come June when SpaceX goes public and that $1.5 trillion valuation becomes a reality.

Idk how it works but I’m guessing Musk just wants xAI and Twitter and everything to get buoyed by that valuation. Or maybe it’s like a lil extra to sweeten the deal. “By one insane tech company with ‘x’ in the name and get another free!”

Which brings us to the most important question of this whole story: what will this new company be called?

I mean, SpaceXAI seems like the obvious combination but then you lose that previous capitalisation. SpacexAI looks weird. Also, Twitter gets lost in the mix there, we need another X, but then SpaceXXX looks like a porn company so maybe not.

My pitch would be for the mega-ultimate name. Conventions be damned let’s put it all in there and I don’t care how unwieldy it will be at least it’s clear. Calling it now, Elon’s new super-company will be called:

SpaceXX(Twitter)xAITeslaGrok(noaffiliationwithJepstien)

We’ve just got the numbers in and back in November 2025 (which feels like a thousand years ago, my god), the US trade deficit widened by the most its ever widened since 1992 and it might just be because of AI…

Speaking of the 90s, the trade gap increase was a whopping 94.6%, climbing up to $56.8 billion, even though the prediction was $40.5 billion. Crazy numbers.

So for those of you that don’t know (me), a trade gap is well… hold lemme google it… the trade gap is the difference between the monetary value of a nation’s exports and imports of goods over a certain time period and if a country imports a greater value than it exports, it has a trade deficit.

Yeah, I just knew that off the top of my head, no biggy.

Now, BECAUSE of AI, America has seen a lot of imports of investments and tech and goods and psychosis ‘cos we need all that to build all these data centres and support this new infrastructure.

So, why have these November numbers only just come out now? Well, you can probably guess, but it’s because of the government shutdown.

This might mean that economists will have to adjust their predictions for the economy accordingly and we may not see as much growth as we previously thought there would be.

Only time will tell of course if all this AI investment is worth it, but I’m asking ChatGPT and he/she/it says it’s a really good thing, so imma go with that for now.

GOLD!! GOLD IS UP!! GOLD JUST HIT A ONE BILLION TRILLION DOLLAR ATH AHHHHH!!! You know who loves gold though? You know who’s making BANK off this news because his entire house is made of solid gold? Donald MuthaFukn’ Trump Baybeee!!

So it’s a lil awkward when someone asks him if he’s worried about the dollar sliding because you know deep down he’s just thinking about gold. Like a dragon in a cave.

When asked about USD’s massive slide he said, “No, I think it’s great!” whilst huffing a massive bag of pure copium. “Look at the value of the dollar. Look at the business we are doing. The dollar is, the dollar is doing great.”

And you know what happened after he said this? The dollar double dipped again.

Because if he’s oblivious to what’s going on with the economy and he’s the only person who can fix it, well kind of sounds like he’s not going to do anything about it now, doesn’t it? And so things are just going to get worse.

And it’s not like he’s fixing someone else’s mess. We are in this position entirely because of his tariffs and sabre-rattling over Greenland and Venezuela.

But those are calming down, right? We’re heading out of the storm now, right? Well, no, my dear little chipmunk, because the god damn DEMOCRATS are trying to change immigration laws by withholding budget support meaning that we might get some more government shutting down which is very good for things and a sign of a healthy government, yes.

Idk, maybe this is good for everyone else, though. If dolars are cheap, maybe I can finally build my giant benjamin franklin fort.

Pres. Don. Trump. just raised tariffs on South Korean imports to 25% for some reason but despite this, Asian markets have seen a massive boom recently coupled with a strong Japanese Yen to America’s once almighty dollar.

And you know what? That’s it. That’s the news. That’s all there is to say on the matter. Sure, I could get into a bunch of analysis, but do you really trust Wall Street Memes Dot Com for your financial advice? No, I’d look somewhere else.

What, it’s not like you have the attention span to read this far down anyways. I but you’ve not even got this far. I bet you’ve clicked away already. I bet your back on TikTok or something you disgusting zellenial.

No, still here? Alright then, why don’t I tell you a story?

Once upon a time there was a lonely boy called Edgort. He lived alone in an immense castle that he was free to explore as much as he liked. Every day Edgort would wander about the halls and parapets and every day he would find something new. No matter how far he walked in a day or how much he explored, he never seemed to find the end of the castle.

Oh how he was desperate to find a way out of the castle and find someone else to talk to but he had yet to even see the castle gates.

One day, Edgort came across a tall tower and when he climbed it he realized that this must be the tallest tower in the whole castle, because when he reached the top and Edgort looked out, he saw that no other tower was higher. And from this vantage point Edgort could see that the castle stretched for miles and miles and miles and miles all the way to the horizon where the towers and walls seemed to go on even further still.

And so that day Edgort decided to stop searching for the end of the castle, to stop trying to find a way out. Edgort found a nice little corner of the building with a room and a well stocked kitchen and never ventured much further again. And there he remained, until he died.

The End.

Famed investor and all-around cool guy, Warren Buffett, is in his final months. …at Berkshire Hathaway, not his life, Jesus, give him a break. And it looks like the big dub-ya-bee is making his final moves before wrapping things up for good.

One of which is apparently walking around with a big bell and sandwich board yelling, “The end is nigh!”

According to this one tweet and literally nothing else BUFFETT JUST DELIVERED A SERIOUS WARNING!!! Ahhh PANIC!!!

Warren Buffett tweet — Buffett here pictured wishing he had a straw.

So what I can’t find a source for this information and the image is from last year? Do you not see the numbers on that thing? You freaking know I’m jumping on that band waggon and stealing the exact same clickbait.

“Everyone’s panicking”? Literally no one is panicking. What are you talking about, clickbait headline? Jesus, I hope you didn’t click on this just to find out who was panicking and whether you were one of those people panicking or not.

In actual news, Buffett’s successor is talking about dumping Berkshire Hathaway’s massive $7.5 billion in Kraft Heinz stock. A massive vote of no confidence in the company.

So there you go. There’s something you can actually chew on. Just before you accuse me of offering no value to your life whatsoever.

OK, there you go, I gave you something, now go gamble in our casino. QUICKLY!!

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Like, no, it’s actually the opposite.

AI? More like A-Stupid!

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